Tired - A Moment Of Self Sympathy

[cookie]

i am just so tired of everything, how do you just keep going and going in the face of all this junk. it is so stupid for me to be bogged down with this mess, like my reactions to it could change anything?? tired of being selfish and lazy, tired of being a baby like i am right now.:wall: made a lot of progress, really, so why do i feel like such a failure. did some really dumb stuff tonight, time to pay the piper. sorry, being a crybaby here--somebody slap me or something.

 

[batgirl]

If my uncle was here he could slap you!! If I slapped you probably wouldn't feel it though because I'm a weakling. Seriously though I don't know what to say, just hope you feel better soon.

 

[Nam]

Cookie, first of all, please do not say you are selfish and lazy unless you have direct proof that you are. I remember during the worst of times just laying in bed all day. I may not have been sleeping, but that's where I stayed. The motivation factor just isn't there when you don't feel well. The more I told myself I was lazy, the crappier I felt. Trying to heal yourself from trauma that was inflicted by someone that was selfish, is NOT selfish. This is time for yourself to become better so that you can function has a human being again; so that you can contribute to your family and society the way you want to.

I don't believe for a minute that you are lazy. For one thing, you get up everyday to make it to school for your job. Not only that but you take care of a family. Even if the healing process doesn't feel like it's progressing, as long as your working toward your goal, you are getting there. It takes time, but I'm confident you will arrive soon. Keep your head up...we're here for you.

 

[nov_silence]

How long have you been feeling this way? Did something spark it? To tell yourself that it is stupid to feel the way you do will only keep you down, sweetie.

What do you feel you are being selfish and lazy about? I know that we PTSD sufferers can be so hard on ourselves...

Sometimes we do dumb stuff to try to cope with feelings. Are you okay?

Take care of yourself as best as you can.

 

[mouse]

Oh Cookie, I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, take time for yourself, be good to yourself you are NOT DUMB and LAZY, say with me you are tired just like you said.. You are such an inspiration for me to see that there are good days and it can get better but you are also human, don't set the bar so high, and remember that we all have felt like this at sometime, some more than others. I hope that tomorrow is better, ((HUGS))-mouse

 

[Deleted member 93]

Cathy, I hope you are feeling better soon. I can so relate. We all can. I spent months it seems in bed and hiding. I did not realize it but hubs had asked about my stool, did it make the move? Can't find it. See this stool is a symbol now. Before I got hit hard with the panic attacks beyond any form of control I see back that for moths before I was so tired and my back pain unbrearable. So much so I had to get a barstool to cook. I could not bear to stand at the counter cutting veggies or preping meals (my mind still seemed sharp). After a while panic attacks beyond my belief set in. Then a year of medication before being diagnosed PTSD. I barely cook at all now, and even mentioned to hubs as he has recipes all over the kitchen and uses my lap top to store them too... he needs a recipe box.

See it gets overwhelming, you feel like you are spinning your tires forever. Just slow down and don't be in a hurry to heal. Take everything and pull it inside out as it comes as new thnigs pop up on the road back.

In time you will see your new self emerge. Just like childbirth as unbearable as it is it brings forth something new and with hope. I really see this PTSD like peaks in contractions you want to die and get it over with at times, to get a brief break and it keeps building. There is no sudden relief in the end but you do find a good solid place and after the process is worked through relief does show.

You can do this.

 

[anthony]

Cathy, do you like my title that I created for this one? It is to demonstrate that a little relapse is normal. You know this, so don't be so hard on yourself. Your progress has not gone anywhere Cathy, its just you have some other things to push through at present. Remember the process Cathy that we have discussed so much, it doesn't just go away. Relapse is very much a part of the healing process, and to be honest, if you didn't relapse during the trauma therapy aspects, then it would mean your not working hard enough. So it shows you are working, and I know your pushing yourself Cathy.

Just remember though, we can only push so hard so far at one time, then we must have a short break. We recover, then we push again, defining new boundaries for ourselves, new education, more positive reinforcement.

 

[cookie]

ya, anthony, of course i like that title!(not) nothing i didn't already say myself, though. sometimes i am a crybaby. waaaaaaaaaaaaahh

 

[Roobear]

Cookie, I can't even count how many times I have felt really good for a few weeks only to have a bad week where I feel like I haven't made any progress at all. During the bad times, when I get angry at myself because I feel like I should be more "normal" and be able to do the things "normal" people do I have to remind myself I'm not. I may not be "normal" but that's ok, it's ok because I've been through something awful and life changing. Hang in there and remember that you may be down now but you will be up again and untill then remember to give yourself a break, you've been through something too. Hope your feeling better soon....

 

[Marlene]

Cookie,

((((Hugs))))

You know, it's ok to be a crybaby once in a while. It's ok to say, 'I'm just tired. Tired of dealing and doing and everything else.'

You're not a failure, you're not selfish, you're not lazy. Not by a long shot. I enjoy reading your posts because they're so upbeat and it helps me to feel like if someone else who's dealing with the same crap I am can be up then it's something I can aim for too.

Take care of yourself and I hope you're feel better soon. ((((More Hugs)))) :kiss:

 

[cookie]

whew! finally starting to feel better. sorry to be a crybaby.
cathy

 

[batgirl]

Oh I'm glad you're starting to feel better. And, you're not a crybaby. You really helped me with that chat thing a couple of days ago, and I appreciate it a lot. Take care!