General Tired and Frustrated - Husband with PTSD

[Alanna]

After searching the net I am so excited to find a site that allows me to discuss my situation with others that understand. I am actually scare as I really am not sure what to write about or even were to start. Can I just use this forum when I am having a bad day with him and there is no one locally that can understand what I am going through or is it just to obtain information about PTSD? I have been married 15 yrs and my husband has been clinically diaganosed with PSTD, depression and OCD for most of our marriaged life. Before I continue I would really like for someone to verify for me what this forum is actually for.

Thankyou for your time and understanding
Alanna

 

[WitsEnd]

Hi alanna,
Really, i'm fairly new to this forum as well, but i can tell you this. I've used it alot to vent and bounce frustrations and thoughts against other opinions. Kerrie-ann and anthony have helped keep me sane these past few months in giving me a place to talk. So that's what this is for me, someplace where i can talk to someone when i can't talk to my spouse. Hopefully you can get the same if that's what you're looking for. Anyways, gotta get back to work. Take care and Talk to you later!!

 

[anthony]

Hi Alanna,

Yep, this is exactly the place for you. The best thing you can do is get things out, feel better, then chat about them. Welcome aboard and I think you have found a group of very understanding people, with PTSD, spouses of PTSD and more. I look forward to chatting with you. Please vent and feel better.

 

[Tammy]

Hi Alana,
I also have a partner with PTSD and I know that knowing other partner's who put up with the same stuff makes it so much easier. If you are in the Townsville area by any chance and you don't feel comforatbale with writing things on line I am here to talk to or vent at. Let me know if you are interested and I will give you my contact details. I am a uni student so most of my days (except for like anywhere between 1 hr to 5 hrs a day when I have classes) I am at home with my baby. Let me know if you want to talk...

 

[LaVonne]

Hey Alana:
I am new to this group and this is my first time writing. I, too, am almost afraid because there is so much to tell and ask. His PTSD is from the 9/11 tragedy.
I can relate to most of the partner's with PTSD problems except the anger. I am married to the gentlest man who apologizes constantly for no longer being the "man he was" because of this problem. Also, I am in a different situation than most of you spouses. I have been married to my husband for 37 years. No problems with children or work because there are no children and he is no longer considered employable and I have retired. BUT, there are problems with being isolated and my being by myself too much. He is not able to be around people much without shaking, sweating, getting very paniky. He is so exhausted from trying to control these feelings that by by 5 he has to go to bed. This means I am trying to find something to occupy myself in the quiet dark house. I usually do but it is not a real happy me that does it.
Well, any thoughts besides the obvious - I need to make friends?

 

[anthony]

Hi LaVonne,

Welcome to the forum. What role did your husband have in the 9/11 incident? It sounds very promising that he is quiet, and not angry about everything. What do you do now to keep yourself amused when your husband goes to bed so early?

 

[LaVonne]

Oh, I watch TV for awhile if there is anything I like. Email my sister, clean the house, take care of the cats, etc. We used to do these things together so that is not so different. We live in Costa Rica now and the sunsets, stars, fireflies, all of that, is lost to him because of his early to bed. He gets up very early and we used to have mornings together but now he is starting to get jittery by 6 or 7 in the morning. I encourage him to go walk on the beach with me and that settles him down but getting there is very difficult. He has to check everything and worries about being ready and gets nauseous, shaky, just getting his bottle of water and his hat. It seems like he has to pack for a week but all his worry is over his water and his hat. He calms down once we get there and we walk for an hour and a half. It is so sad that he cannot really enjoy the beauty here anymore. He is all wrapped up in his anxiety and trying not to feel that way. It is like a prison and it is frightening. However, I read that it gets better and he is recently seeing a psychologist and is on some medications. I am hopeful.

 

[anthony]

It does get better, but only if the person themselves want it too. PTSD is not curable, and as such will never go away completely. The difference is, is learning what is happening within yourself, learning how to identify certain triggers that react you, and learning techniques to apply when these symptoms raise their ugly heads. In itself, that sounds easy, but in actual fact often takes years to truly learn and master. If your husband has only just started to get these signs and symptoms, then they are going to be around for quite some time, as its his bodies way of telling him, things just aren't right within himself.

PTSD will take over and consume a person, there is no doubt about that, but the difference is, is that the person has to make an active decision in fighting it or not. Allowing PTSD to take over will often lead a person to depression, then suicidal thoughts and possibly suicide itself, hence why it must always be treated either medicinally or through knowledge, or combination of both can often work the best. Every sufferer of PTSD must eventually learn the illness, learn what each symptom is about, and how to combat one symptom at a time, as medication by itself is generally only a bandaid, and what happens is the body gets used to the medication, then PTSD begins coming out stronger, so medication is bumped up, and again, PTSD will begin fighting the medication and coming through again. Doctors then change the medication because of these known traits, fool the PTSD symptoms a bit longer, then they return again, stronger than ever ready to fight or flight. I have seen it so much over the past few years in Vietnam veterans, who are constantly changing medications every year or so because their body adapts to the medication, and does little to treat the symptoms. This is where many of them are now learning that knowledge is the key to beating PTSD, and this is more illustrated in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which is the leading therapy for PTSD, which is really structure learning, releasing trauma and group discussions about what goes on within oneself, and the effects that individual trauma plays.

I think the key role LaVonne, is that you support your husband as much as you can, ensure you take time out for yourself to release any problems you begin to take on dealing with him, frustrations, etc, and possibly even you also seek counselling, as his generally actions will tend to cause a buildup of frustration or sadness, which you need to release. These simple things that you already point out, being the unwillingness to get motivated and get going to do things you used to do, not enjoying the situation your in now, etc etc, will eventually frustrate you to a point where you need to vent. Basically, you need to talk about all these issues as much as Terry needs to talk about his PTSD itself. Spouses often are assimilated a form of PTSD when dealing with their partner who is a sufferer, because they tend to wear the brunt of everything PTSD related, though simply these actions that you have mentioned here already. You may begin getting distressed over his morning shakes and jitters, or irritated as you are sort of implying already that he can longer stay up with you and enjoy your company of night, as the symptoms of PTSD physically wear him out during the day.

Please ensure you get some form of professional counselling also. Forums such as this is great for relief, discussion and support, especially with other spouses who can directly understand what you are going through. This is definately a part that counsellors tend not to be experienced in unless they have a partner with PTSD (which is very rare).

Just remember this LaVonne, both you and Terry both need support, as you both suffer from the one persons illness. A person with PTSD is no different from a person with Cancer, in that the family, friends and people around them all wear some sort of effects from their illness, and need just as much support as the person with the illness. Definately ensure you get you time... which I know you may not be used too, but will definately become apparent over the years.

 

[LaVonne]

Wow, so much to think about. And I will. Thank you for the advice, I will need to reread your post several times to get all of it. One problem for us at the moment is distance from San Jose. We are 4 hours out. So, I guess we will need to ask the hospital for counselor recommendations closer to home. Hope there is someone!
LaVonne

 

[Cheryl]

I have been married to Ron for 14 years now and let me tell you it hasn't been easy. He has PTSD from Vietnam and some from his childhood. I use to think people are the way they are cause they choose to be that way. Wow, was I ever wrong. After living with him and his problems it has made mine surface, those ugly feelings I hid so many years ago. The last 2 years have really been hard since my mom died and trying to deal with Ron's problems. Without writing a book I can say I have some bad issues in my past I am trying to deal with also. I as wandering if it is possible that I may have PTSD also. I have seen a doctor and they just say I am depressed. One doctor even suggested I leave him, no way am I going to do that. If he were mean I would but he's not. Does depression ever go away?

 

[Jen]

Hi Cheryl my husband is going through depression at the moment everything in his life is doom and gloom doesnt get out of bed before lunchtime then when out of bed sits in front of the TV for the rest of the day. He has lost interest in all his hobbies. He is starting a PTSD clinic in a couple of weeks I am really hoping things will get better I just need to make sure I can get his bum to the clinic.
Hang in there Cheryl I know its not much fun!
Jen

 

[anthony]

Welcome to the forum cheryl.