Tired and Struggling

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I'm having more days lately when I feel completely apathetic, then very depressed. I've had no appetite for a couple of months (still eating, though, so it's not creating an issue), the things that I usually turn to for comfort when I feel bad--admittedly mostly not incredibly healthy--are of no interest to me, I don't want to do anything or go anywhere.

I'm managing. But I'm *only* managing. It didn't help that I volunteered for something at work this past week and had to go onsite three days. That's nearly 14 hours away from home (because it takes at least an hour to get there). I think I probably over-commit to things, things I don't really want to do. But if I didn't, I'd never go out or talk to people. And I'd just sit here with my cats and watch TV all day. That sounds really good in many ways, but then I'd feel guilty for not finding my passion and doing something.

The things I'm involved in are not things I hate (except in the sense that I really hate almost everything right now); they just don't mean much to me.

Not sure why I'm writing, except I have no one I can talk to about any of this; this place is pretty much it right now.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
outwardly, depression is not a great problem in my psych portfolio. my hyperactive metabolism won't let me partake of the usual depression symptoms, but i often wonder if apathy is my own form of depression. i take my licking and keep on ticking, but? ? ? i'm just going through motions. . . my give-a-damn is busted. . . life never turns out the way i want, so why should i care, at all?

my breakthrough thread echoes to me from a motivational poster i saw in the late 70's in a college counselor's office.

"success is getting what you want
"happiness is wanting what you get"

appreciation and gratitude exercises are my tools to help me find happiness in what i get. quick, without thinking, name three things in your immediate surroundings worthy of appreciation.

1) the gourmet coffee in my cup.
2) the comfortable chair in which i sit.
3) the serene silence of early morning.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
appreciation and gratitude exercises are my tools to help me find happiness in what i get.
I used to do this. I seem to have some issues with finding a point in anything a lot of the time, though. If I don't *have* to do it, it usually doesn't get done.

But...I appreciate
1. my cats
2. being able to stay in my house with no people around
3. my cats

And then I feel...*meh* -

Today is some better. I took Melatonin last night, so I could sleep through. My kitty came to sleep with me this morning (read, "wake me up" LOL) and she stayed with me for about an hour. That was nice. :-)
 
Yes @whiteraven we have a scrambling little bouncing puppy that skips and is full of enthusiasm. (And thankfully learning how to be Gentle ALWAYS and kiss instead of being a land shark!) She will go through very loud noises and equipment and unfamiliar surroundings to get to me, I see her resolve to do it and plow forward (she is fearless) with her ears tucked down and her head like a little tennis ball. And she skips, all the time! I marvel how she's only been on this earth 14 weeks, she's never seen a flower, or grass.. or pancakes... 😉 Someone pointed out something cute that never would have occurred to me: everyone in the house loves her with all their heart and soul. (Unlike in most homes some do, some not so much, or not interested). And they said she probably can really feel that.

I'm glad your cats have you @whiteraven . 🫂🐱🐈♥️
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Yes @whiteraven we have a scrambling little bouncing puppy that skips and is full of enthusiasm. (And thankfully learning how to be Gentle ALWAYS and kiss instead of being a land shark!) She will go through very loud noises and equipment and unfamiliar surroundings to get to me, I see her resolve to do it and plow forward (she is fearless) with her ears tucked down and her head like a little tennis ball. And she skips, all the time! I marvel how she's only been on this earth 14 weeks, she's never seen a flower, or grass.. or pancakes... 😉 Someone pointed out something cute that never would have occurred to me: everyone in the house loves her with all their heart and soul. (Unlike in most homes some do, some not so much, or not interested). And they said she probably can really feel that.

I'm glad your cats have you @whiteraven . 🫂🐱🐈♥️
Oh, your puppy sounds like a bundle of love. Yes, I am forever grateful for my girls. And I'm so hoping one day I can buy land and move, so I can also get dogs.
 

wisteria

Confident
I'm having more days lately when I feel completely apathetic, then very depressed. I've had no appetite for a couple of months (still eating, though, so it's not creating an issue), the things that I usually turn to for comfort when I feel bad--admittedly mostly not incredibly healthy--are of no interest to me, I don't want to do anything or go anywhere.

And I'd just sit here with my cats and watch TV all day. That sounds really good in many ways, but then I'd feel guilty for not finding my passion and doing something.
oh my gosh, this sounds like me, except substitute dogs for cats. and internet for TV. i'm not working, so i really do spend all day not talking to people, literally. except when i occasionally post on here, which i'm thankful for, so thank you for being here! but yea, i getchya.....i have 'all this free time' so i 'should be something more useful with it'......tho 14 hours at work certainly does sound like a bit much!
 
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