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To those who are afraid to ask for safe-touch exp. with t

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Eagle3

MyPTSD Pro
I have a job interview out-of-state coming up. I am facing every single one of my insecurities by going to this interview. I've been feeling very clingy and young, like I need a parent to hold me, reassure me, tell me everything's ok and they believe in me. Unfortunately, this is very difficult for me to find IRL, and damn-near impossible to ask for without a panic attack. My T had held me once before, and while I appreciated the experience, I've always felt like it was a one-time thing and I could never have that again. Well, since today was the last session before my job interview, I decided to face the panic, and ask for what I needed so desperately.

After spending half the session trying to work up the courage to ask, T sort of had to drag the question out of me. But once I finally got the words out, and had the subsequent panic response, he got down on the floor, and wrapped me up in a big bear hug, and held/rocked me for 20 minutes again. During this encounter, my ability to really allow the contact and connect even better than the first time was encouraging to both of us. Thing is, there was no trepidation or hesitation on his part, and he even encouraged me to cry while he held me. This was once again, one of the most soothing, comforting, and healing experiences I've ever had in therapy. As I was leaving the office, he said, "Way to nut up there and ask, kiddo!" and that praise felt so good, because he knows what it does to me to ask for that kind of contact.

Now, I am completely ready to kick this interview's ass, knowing that I have the support and faith of all my friends, family, and my T. To all of those who have expressed fear of asking T for safe-touch experiences, I want to encourage you to approach the subject with your T's. The benefits of a positive response far outweigh the pain of yet another rejection in my opinion.
 
Congrats @Eagle3 I am glad you were able to have this experience. Unfortunately not every T is as open. I discussed this with my T and he said that he does hug some patients but not all and I was left feeling completely rejected and have never discussed it again. You are very lucky to have the T you have.
 
as much as I love my therapist, the thought of him doing this gives me major heebie jeebies:

It's because the concept of being held gives me those heebie jeebies that I work on this in therapy. I can't ask for cuddles from ANYONE outside of therapy, and its really affected my ability to have any relationships. Thankfully, I have such a good working relationship with this T that even though I do have the usual panic responses, and other issues (I still get really turned on every time he touches me...he knows, its normal and expected, and no one makes a big deal about it), but by working on it with him, I'm getting better at being able to approach the cuddle subject IRL. He really is being the father figure I've never had, and its so healing in so many ways. I feel like I'm finally learning to be a human being instead of a tool for others all the time! And yes, we keep the transference meters checked regularly.

I could not have worked on this with anyone else. I'm one of those people who NEED a certain amount of touch to be healthy, and I've never received the amount of touch with the emotional safety and security I've needed. I'm getting that taken care of with this T. You guys are right, my T is totally awesome, and I am so grateful for him.
 
I think everyone has a fundamental need for human contact. Healthy contact. Without it, children become either sullen and alone or break out in anger...they find ways to get it. Keep in mind, I said HEALTHY contact.

I'm not surprised you would have a hard time with this. Your T seems to have a good balance of therapy contact and professionalism. I've seen full transference from patient to Therapist which in my opinion is not healthy.

I'm really glad you have that level of trust with your therapist to be able to work on that and be honest about it.
 
I would love for my T to hold me, but not in the context of therapy.
It would cross all my wires and I think I would completely disintegrate, because I think I would never want it to end, and therapy has to end.
So. Since I value my T relationship, and for it to work, all we have is therapy, physical contact is off limits for me - even if he would allow it with his clients. I have no idea whether he would.
I suspect he absolutely wouldn't with me, because he would know how confusing it would be for me. And I wouldn't allow it for the same reason. So we are perfectly in sync on that one :)
 
I would never ask and I think my T is afraid to make physical contact with me anyway--that because of my specific history and issues, I'd see it as a sexual advance or some other sort of manipulation. The thing is, though, in part because of my specific issues--I think I all the more long to see that she is not afraid to touch me, that I am not scary or repulsive. Double-edged sword, I guess--she tries to do the right thing professionally, but--these are complicated, tangled lines. Anyway: I don't even think I could manage full holding but--contact with my hand would be pretty huge. But--not gonna happen, as far as I can see...!
 
I don't think any of my therapists would have ever been open to hugging. Too much boundary crossi...
i didn't think mine would either, same reason and also mine is male and i am not... so i figure nope... but surprisingly he is ok with it. just not sure if i should ask about any other touch, i have issues with touching ppl, so its a good thing to work through but feels wrong to touch him somehow
 
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