Eagle3
MyPTSD Pro
I have a job interview out-of-state coming up. I am facing every single one of my insecurities by going to this interview. I've been feeling very clingy and young, like I need a parent to hold me, reassure me, tell me everything's ok and they believe in me. Unfortunately, this is very difficult for me to find IRL, and damn-near impossible to ask for without a panic attack. My T had held me once before, and while I appreciated the experience, I've always felt like it was a one-time thing and I could never have that again. Well, since today was the last session before my job interview, I decided to face the panic, and ask for what I needed so desperately.
After spending half the session trying to work up the courage to ask, T sort of had to drag the question out of me. But once I finally got the words out, and had the subsequent panic response, he got down on the floor, and wrapped me up in a big bear hug, and held/rocked me for 20 minutes again. During this encounter, my ability to really allow the contact and connect even better than the first time was encouraging to both of us. Thing is, there was no trepidation or hesitation on his part, and he even encouraged me to cry while he held me. This was once again, one of the most soothing, comforting, and healing experiences I've ever had in therapy. As I was leaving the office, he said, "Way to nut up there and ask, kiddo!" and that praise felt so good, because he knows what it does to me to ask for that kind of contact.
Now, I am completely ready to kick this interview's ass, knowing that I have the support and faith of all my friends, family, and my T. To all of those who have expressed fear of asking T for safe-touch experiences, I want to encourage you to approach the subject with your T's. The benefits of a positive response far outweigh the pain of yet another rejection in my opinion.
After spending half the session trying to work up the courage to ask, T sort of had to drag the question out of me. But once I finally got the words out, and had the subsequent panic response, he got down on the floor, and wrapped me up in a big bear hug, and held/rocked me for 20 minutes again. During this encounter, my ability to really allow the contact and connect even better than the first time was encouraging to both of us. Thing is, there was no trepidation or hesitation on his part, and he even encouraged me to cry while he held me. This was once again, one of the most soothing, comforting, and healing experiences I've ever had in therapy. As I was leaving the office, he said, "Way to nut up there and ask, kiddo!" and that praise felt so good, because he knows what it does to me to ask for that kind of contact.
Now, I am completely ready to kick this interview's ass, knowing that I have the support and faith of all my friends, family, and my T. To all of those who have expressed fear of asking T for safe-touch experiences, I want to encourage you to approach the subject with your T's. The benefits of a positive response far outweigh the pain of yet another rejection in my opinion.