Childhood Tongue kissing my father

M

Maya587

Hello, I was recently remembering childhood memories I had with my father. I remember my dad and I would regularly kiss each other on the lips. I would also kiss my mom too, but their kisses were different. With my mom it was just quick pecks, but my dad would always stick his tongue inside my mouth and I would do it back to him. I remember I saw on a tv show how this girl was chewing gum, and then she made out with a guy and she passed the gum over to him. I thought it looked cool, so I tried doing it to my mom but she pushed me off when I tried to stick my tongue inside her mouth. She said that was "weird" and doesn't like tongue kisses. That was the first time I heard tongue kissing being a bad thing. Thinking now I don't know if this was sexual abuse, but now that I'm an adult I would never tongue kiss my child. My father would do this when I was less than 9 years old, I think it's weird he would do that to his own child. I don't have a lot of vivid memories of my childhood, but my father was highly abusive to my mom and my mom and I ran away when I was 9 years old. I remember there was one really huge fight with my parents, and my dad was repeatedly beating my mom and I remember screaming and pleading at him to stop. My mom said she almost died because he pulled a knife out, but I actually don't remember that part I only remember my screams and how I was gasping for air. When she told me that I realized how many gaps there are in my memory. I know this is f*cked up but I often called myself "lucky" because my dad never beat me. But now that I remembered his kisses, and how I have a lot of gaps in my memories I'm scared that maybe something else happened. I don't even know how to process the tongue kissing and if that even constitutes as SA.
 

JadeB.

MyPTSD Pro
When I read your post I instantly felt and tasted my dads tongue. I've been through much sexual abuse in childhood and those kisses, so up close and personal,in your face, are hard to get past.

You are wondering if it's SA . You already said as an adult you would never tongue kiss your child, so doesn't that answer your question of whether it was or not?

Sorry you experienced that.
 
A

Arianarenr147

IM so sorry you went through that! My step-dad made me go to strip clubs in slutty outfits, made me f*ck old men 15 times older than I am, and as soon as I got home from the strip club he made me go to he was on the couch no shirt no pants fully naked and stroking his penis and he said *you ready for another round babygirl daddy needs his slut* but I did not want to do that I shuck my head no and he got mad got up and slaped me and said repeat that I said y-yes s-sir to him and he said don't ever say no to me ever again now go pull your clothes off and come back naked I had to do what he said I had to deal with this everyday after he got done f*ucking me I could not even walk I was so tired I fell asleep my whole body was aching. HIckeys on my neck, breast area, inner legs. He sexually abused me when I was 7 until now (I'm 15 now) me and my mom flew to New York were her best friend lived and her best friend let us live there away from my psychotic dad. He still lives in Florida and we live in new York now he was checking on my Snapchat and TikTok to see if I posted anymore videos
But I made me a second account on TikTok and deleted my Snapchat account and made a new account I changed my email and passwords and I blocked him and I don't have anything to do with him now I hate him.

Agreed fully.
I was sexually abused by my step dad I agree
 
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