Childhood Tongue kissing my father

M

Maya587

Hello, I was recently remembering childhood memories I had with my father. I remember my dad and I would regularly kiss each other on the lips. I would also kiss my mom too, but their kisses were different. With my mom it was just quick pecks, but my dad would always stick his tongue inside my mouth and I would do it back to him. I remember I saw on a tv show how this girl was chewing gum, and then she made out with a guy and she passed the gum over to him. I thought it looked cool, so I tried doing it to my mom but she pushed me off when I tried to stick my tongue inside her mouth. She said that was "weird" and doesn't like tongue kisses. That was the first time I heard tongue kissing being a bad thing. Thinking now I don't know if this was sexual abuse, but now that I'm an adult I would never tongue kiss my child. My father would do this when I was less than 9 years old, I think it's weird he would do that to his own child. I don't have a lot of vivid memories of my childhood, but my father was highly abusive to my mom and my mom and I ran away when I was 9 years old. I remember there was one really huge fight with my parents, and my dad was repeatedly beating my mom and I remember screaming and pleading at him to stop. My mom said she almost died because he pulled a knife out, but I actually don't remember that part I only remember my screams and how I was gasping for air. When she told me that I realized how many gaps there are in my memory. I know this is f*cked up but I often called myself "lucky" because my dad never beat me. But now that I remembered his kisses, and how I have a lot of gaps in my memories I'm scared that maybe something else happened. I don't even know how to process the tongue kissing and if that even constitutes as SA.
 

JadeB.

MyPTSD Pro
When I read your post I instantly felt and tasted my dads tongue. I've been through much sexual abuse in childhood and those kisses, so up close and personal,in your face, are hard to get past.

You are wondering if it's SA . You already said as an adult you would never tongue kiss your child, so doesn't that answer your question of whether it was or not?

Sorry you experienced that.
 
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