Hey guys... I'm looking for some advice about work. My therapist even suggested I mention something to my boss and said we could role play to practice. However, I have NO clue what to say for various reasons... It's complicated. Bare with me as I try to explain... I'm sorry if it gets long. (It got long...I tend to ramble and go in circles when I try to explain things, I apologise in advance and thank you for reading). I don't want to fully disclose my job, but let's say it's very much a "macho, type A male dominated, don't show emotions, be tough and get over it, let's objectify females and discuss sex all the time" culture. UGH on so many levels! It sickens me! Due to various medical issues starting from being premature (I still get majorly I'll every 3-4 years being hospitalized), then various forms of abuse since I was a young child into adulthood, it's all very difficult to untangle what's what. I've had multiple people also suggest I'm on the spectrum, which could be contributing to my difficulty in feeling/expressing emotions, awkward social interaction, anxiety, sensory overload, etc. BTW in person I barely talk and is an effort to say "hey..." but I can write a lot. Lack of ability to talk on my job has already been noted and others have taken over my speaking parts of meetings. I'm glad they did, but it's still very embarrassing! Anyway, regardless of it's that, PTSD responses (dissociation, hypervigillance, anxiety, lack of concentration, irritability, isolation) overall social anxiety, etc. I'm afraid it may impact work and I want to cover myself in case something happens. Hopefully nothing does, but I don't want to risk my job in the process of trying to get myself help! I did inpatient 6 weeks last summer for substance abuse (still sober!), but only HR knows why. My boss thinks it was just R&R after my mom passed away. I used FMLA but that only lasts so long. I don't want to take advantage. Unfortunately it also used up all my vacation and sick days that I'm slowly building back up. As I get deeper into therapy and discussing the abuse, I'm obviously having a more difficult time in all areas of my life, which of course includes work. I'm doing the best I can at the moment, but I know it's less than optimal and less than I used to be able to. This in itself frustrates me and I beat myself up about it. I know they have noticed the decline and errors I'm making. I've been there almost 4 years and no one has said anything out right, but I'd like to be prepared if needed. I still work my 8hrs a day, or make it up as needed to get 40hrs a week. Some days I just skip lunch and leave early without sayinging anything because I'm overwhelmed or have therapy. Some have made jokes "oh hey look, he's here today!" (Side note, I'm in an office without windows and close my door due to sensory overload so they don't think I'm there). Ugh, sorry...I can't get out what I'm asking advice for....1) should I even say anything? 2) if so, to HR and/or my ultimate supervisor? 3) what should I say? 4) would it be better to discuss the ptsd, Asperger's, or another aspect? Again, I don't want any of this to be seen as an excuse or a reason to slack off. I have high work ethics and will continue to do the best I can! In a way, this line of work does understand PTSD as a general concept, but I don't want it to sound like an excuse... Just more like "if I need to leave suddenly or work from home one day this is why." However, at the same time I don't want to share the basis of PTSD, nor do I want this to backfire and risk losing my job. I know there are anti-discrimination laws about disabilities, but I don't know how that process works. I don't even know how to inquire HR without essentially "outting" myself. Then again, due to last summer they already have on record substance abuse and eating disorder thanks to the treatment center I went to. I'll keep chugging along and doing the best with the ever increasing demands on top of therapy. Obviously you can tell anxiety dominates this whole thing. I'll stop here... I'm just getting exacerbated now, and I'm still unsure if I got out what I wanted to ask. Thank you for sticking in there with me.