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Tough to control triggers when you can't talk about them...

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cupfish

Confident
Good Morning, A nasty start to the day. I tried telling my mate I was feeling triggery about something that is undone in our lives -- it's not a huge thing, but it's getting to me. My husband understands and is my rock but I can't always convey my feelings well when triggery, so we fought. I feel awful because this was not my intent, I needed help to calm down, but it came out poorly and caused more problems.

I HATE how this disease perverts your words, your feelings, your intent. Does anyone else have trouble communicating what is bothering them like this????
 
Does anyone not have trouble having someone that isn't you or afflicted with your own triggers comprehend? I explain mine as a real life version of the abbot and costello Niagara Falls skit, except it's not always slowly I turned and inch by inch ....
 
I find this personally really hard, like my worst triggers are normally common things that other people don't even think about and I am having a panic attack in the corner.

For example we had a photoshoot at work today. I hate cameras. I mean other people don't get it, it's like fear to the point of tears and noone can understand. Sorry I can't help though, I still struggle daily to communicate just how hard simple things can be for me.
 
If I'm triggered or stressed I'm already overreacting. Which means talking is a very dangerous thing... As the overreaction is most likely just going to continue & or blow up.

What I've found I need to do is go cool off or blow off some steam and then talk about it, once I've got my emotions in check.

Very much like dealing with a toddler. Except I'm the toddler.

House Rules For Coming Off Time-Outs

Be able to say -without getting all worked up about it- the following things:

- What happened.
- Why it happened.
- At least 2 different things I can do next time. Because there will always be a next time.
- How can I put it right? Or as right as possible?

^^^
If I can't do those things? I need to be IN time out.

It also helps me clarify my intent. Venting? A damn good thing. Confusing venting with rational discussion? A very bad thing. One can follow the other just fine, but they don't coexist in the same space very well, in my experience.
 
Yes, I agree my words don't always come out right or sometimes I will say something and later think that's not even really true? I often find my truest thoughts and feelings come out so beautifully, almost instantly through writing but, my spoken words are often distorted and inaccurate (I find this happens a lot in t). I remember one time with my previous boyfriend something he did a while ago really bothered me and had completely hindered me being able to feel emotionally safe with him, for hours he tried to get me to say it-I was too scared/shut down and physically could not tell him for fear that I was overreacting or him rejecting me. I eventually asked if I could just write it down for him...at which point he was like are you serious?? I just wish other people could understand how hard it is to even say what is bothering me sometimes no matter how badly I want to.. I just instead go into a "flight" response and shut down...
 
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