Toxic core beliefs

Why does it feel like a herculean task to reset negative core beliefs?
My husband calls it “hacking my brain” so I can learn a healthier way of living. I’ve lived a lifetime of reliving certain behaviors, but being in recovery I can’t abuse the substances that I used to. So I’m a sense I still use my family to continue the negative self beliefs I began when I was a young child.
Slowly but surely I am learning to live out of my comfort zone (talking to strangers and stepping away from my family.)
I hope this life gets easier.
I’m tired of hurting my family.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
It takes time to recognise traits and bad behaviours and adapt to better one's. Some people never even get to the point of recognising that they're bad behaviours, so your actually doing really well.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
Why does it feel like a herculean task to reset negative core beliefs?

I opine that the task of resetting negative core beliefs would have brought hercules to his knees. he had far more brawn than brain. just opining. . .

my psychotherapy started in the early 70's, at the same time i was developing my tech career. your hubby's analogy of "hacking your brain" actually works for me. the catch 22 is that we still haven't cracked the programming code for the organic hard drives we call, "a brain." those pesky details. . . where's my tech support?

for now, we just have to take our best guesses and pray that it works.
 

Friday

Moderator
Why does it feel like a herculean task to reset negative core beliefs?
Because core beliefs are fundamental truths / (un)truths?

If you believe water is wet, coming to the understanding it is NOT actually, wet, but only wet sometimes, or never? Is going to take a minute.

In addiction, the BODY has come to believe that substance A is necessary to life. A short kick might be 3 days. A long one might be a couple years. In either case? The body/brain is going to react the same way it would as if you were suffocating, or starving, or dying of dehydration. Because substance X has taken on the same import as air/food/water. Except? Deny it long enough and the body is like… oh. We’re still alive. Cool! Okay then!!! What next? But during the kick itself, there are physiological reactions identical to dying of suffocation, dehydration, & starvation. Minus the death bit.

Core beliefs? Are much the same.

Cognitive distortions are like having water instead of your faaaavorite drink. Or dog food instead of a home cooked or Michelin starred meal. They’re not the best thing ever (or even a reasonable substitute) but when push comes to shove? They still work. People can survive on water & dog food. But to live/thrive/revel? Need & want more.

Core beliefs? Rightly or wrongly = if I don’t have air, I’ll die.
 
I feel like it's because they are so layered and enmeshed with how we've learned to relate to others...Often it seems these toxic core beliefs were purposely instilled to serve others' self-serving agenda and so it got us some validation/attention and became an identity we feel like we're losing by letting the beliefs go when we choose to serve our own happiness in our own lives. That's my take anyway....it's like we're letting go of a whole chunk of our life with the beliefs. Wishing you grace and ease in your journey <3
 

PreciousChild

MyPTSD Pro
I feel like it's because they are so layered and enmeshed with how we've learned to relate to others...Often it seems these toxic core beliefs were purposely instilled to serve others' self-serving agenda and so it got us some validation/attention and became an identity we feel like we're losing by letting the beliefs go when we choose to serve our own happiness in our own lives. That's my take anyway....it's like we're letting go of a whole chunk of our life with the beliefs. Wishing you grace and ease in your journey <3
I think that's right. I'm lately aware that pain and hurt are at the core of a lot of destructive behaviors. But when we experience hurt, we feel like the victims, and that prevents us from seeing the harm that we cause others while we are acting to alleviate that hurt. I think healing is the best solution, and in the meantime, trying to minimize harm to others by hook or by crook.
 
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