Toxic family.

edteach

New Here
Being born in a cult is much different than being recruited as an adult into a cult. Children are programed to think mom and dad are right and have our best interest at heart. Its IMO much more difficult to seperate from a cult born into one than recruited in. That said I am sure there are exceptions to the rule there always is. The JWs control who you are friends with only other JWs and then only ones who are solid in the cult, Who you can marry same thing only other JWs and then only ones solid in the cult. What you watch on TV or movies nothing R and you can be disfellowshipped for watching reading or taking to anyone critical of the cult. They control what kind of sex you have, No oral, no anal no masturbation and absolutely no gay anything. They will give you the stink eye and have a meeting with you if you buy a sports car and not a four door or van that will work in service that is knock on doors or now the cart work to those not in the cult. You have to believe that the only religin on earth that god approves of is the JWs and if you doubt it you most likely will be DFed. Once DFed if your children are adult and in the cult they can be DFed for talking to you, having dinner with you ect. That goes for anyone who is a baptized cult member. They break up family's big time. You must put in a minimum of several hours a week in service knocking on door, cart work or simial or you will be in the back room getting a talking to. A cult member is pushed to sell their home if possible and go to countries where they say the "need is great" and knock on doors trying to convert others. My father in law is living in absolute poverty and the state pays for my mother in law to be in an Alzheimer facility. He had a very good job at GM and quit back in 1973 because the cult said 1975 was the end of the world. The phrase was stay alive till 75. But this was nothing new, as the internet came out I learned that CT Russell had originally predicted the end would come in 1874, then when that failed he moved it to 1914, then when that failed he said that satan was kicked out of heaven to earth in that year and WW1 was the beginning of the Great Tribulation and the end would come in 1918. CT Russell died in 1916, and his successor took over by hostile legal means. Rutherford the successor wrote a book called millions now living will never die, and gave a talk when it was introduced at Cedar point Ohio in 1920 where he said that The end would be her in 1925 and that Abraham Issac and Jacob would come back to life in that year to usher them into the new system. The cult has a lot of phrases they only use and know. I.E. new system, pure language, Mother [referring to the cult], Friends referring to other JWs , meat in due season referring to the Governing body a group of several men at the top who run the cult and are thought to be some of the very few going to heaven the rest will stay on a paradise earth and the meat is the litrature they put out at any given time. Wordly meaning anyone not a JW, are you in the truth, the truth only they have it. Wait on Jehovah meaning that if you don't understand or something does not make sense wait till Jehovah gives it to you or the cult.
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
Being born in a cult is much different than being recruited as an adult into a cult.
I would agree. If you are born into it or in my case, came in at age 6 to 7, you know nothing else. Your formative years where you develop your personality is being twisted, and a whole host of other things that those that are recruited don't have to deal with. Though being recruited is just as bad. It's just different. I remember when I got out and ran with someone that helped me escape, I got my first job, everything was so backwards. So upside down. Thus why I named my diary here upside down. Because even today at the age of 40, 22 years removed from the cult, things are still upside down and I still struggle with cult thinking and may always struggle

I'm sorry you went through all of that but I can relate! I bet many others can relate to a lot of pieces of your story too!
 

edteach

New Here
It took me many years of work to get to a point where I am sure the cult is a scam. There was for several years but what if they are right in the back of my mind. Now its Oh hell how on earth did I stay in so long.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Are you wanting to cut ties with your family? Or find a way of seeing if a better/healthier relationship can happen?

I have dysfunctional relationships with my sisters. Not sure if I want to call them toxic, but prob elements of that. It sounds that you had a the role of being the responsible one. The one who picked up the pieces and solved problems. I have/had that role too.
What I spent time with my T on is:how that gave me validation. Because who am I in the family if I don't have that role?
But also, it's not a healthy role.
I realised how invalidating I have been to my siblings by being in that role (put/forced/and then not knowing how else to be). Gives me a sense of superiority. And a purpose. But....it comes at a cost.

You can't change your siblings. And I would totally back out of how you judge their relationships with their partners (and I'm also not a fan, to put it lightly, of the language you used to describe one of their partners). You don't need a relationship with their partners if you don't want. But if you want to see if your relationship with your brother's could be better, maybe look at yourself and see if there are things you need to say sorry to them for? And see if that is a way in to get a more honest and equal relationship with them?
Might not be possible at all.
But the fact you're posting about it shows that it bothers you.
 

edteach

New Here
I am not sure what is going on, I did not reset anything

But now it seems to hold my spacing.

Movingforward, yes it does bother me. I have always felt why we can not just get along. I know I have very strong opinions and can come across strong, but its not like my brothers have not known this as we were growing up. And I have tried to tone it down. But I also won't stop being me. The 35 years I spent in the cult tempering my questions and ideas so as not to cause any upset I think is the reason. I feel like never again will I let someone or a group tell me I can or can not do this or say that.
 

Huxley

Learning
What I’m hearing from you is that you’re looking for validation that it really is okay to shrug off your responsibility to family. I can imagine that JW teach that family is forever and that your tendency to reach for judgemental terms comes from that framework.

i think what you’re hearing here is that yes, absolutely, it is perfectly fine for anyone to walk away from their family. You don’t really need any confirmation of how “bad” your brothers are other than your own assessment that they are a negative force in your life.

For what it’s worth, they sound disagreeable and unpleasant to be around to me, but it’s not my opinion that counts.
 

PlainJane

Moderator
This may sound callous, but my approach to personal relationships is if it's not productive I don't nurture it. I don't prioritize blood. Being related to someone does not mean a thing to me. That doesn't mean I didn't grieve the loss, because I did. Some worse than others.

It's mathematical for me. Dysfunctional person (me) plus dysfunctional person (sibling) equals dysfunctional relationship. Dysfunction breeds dysfunction. You cannot spawn a healthy relationship with dysfunctional people without both parties actively working on themselves. That's putting it simply. All I knew to do was work on me and let what wasn't working go.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
. The 35 years I spent in the cult tempering my questions and ideas so as not to cause any upset I think is the reason. I feel like never again will I let someone or a group tell me I can or can not do this or say that
I can understand that. But it seems to me there is a nuanced middle ground to be found?

I know I have very strong opinions and can come across strong, but its not like my brothers have not known this as we were growing up
This reads to me that you might not be taking full responsibility for your behaviour by saying your brother's know what they are getting into with you? We can all change and grow. And I wonder if looking at yourself a bit more might help.
 

edteach

New Here
No JWs do not feel family is forever. I have seen talks given at the regional assemblies where the speaker said that there were a lot of JWs who did not want to cut off family who are against if not baptized or DFed from the cult. He had a bag and he reached in and pulled out a skull and said if this were after Armageddon then this is what you would be talking to. You must treat DFed and or family who are against the org as if they were already dead. So no family that is forever is only one thing, JWs in good standing and the Governing body cult leaders.

There is no good that comes from this cult. You are never doing enough, its can you do more and then an example is always given about some couple who sold their home, quit their job and went to where the need was great. I keep my old JW books as the crazy crap the cult has taught over the years they try to bury and not talk about so that most cult members are ignorant of the history of the cult. Like my 1969 Bound volume of Watchtower mag. It says, "Many young ones think about going to college and getting a degree. But we are so close to the end of this system of things that they will not have time to use their degree or possibly even get one before the end is here. So its better to put you time in to preaching the good news of the kingdom." Well that is one of a thousand predictions that the cult was wrong on, most of those who were college educated in 69 are retired.
 
Top