Tragic Death Close To Our Family

[seedling]

My son's girlfriend's mother died suddenly last week. His girlfriend is 15, her mother was 36. Abusive father/husband they had left and had found a new happier life.

The mother had a sudden brain stem bleed that started in the presence of her daughter, the daughter called my son who was there in minutes. Ambulance ride to the closest hospital, then a life flight with the whole family following in separate cars. I don't think she made it through the flight. They took her off ventilator etc later that evening.
It was the same hospital my son was in for his injuries that caused my PTSD, I went with him on the life flight, then.
This time he went there, driving his girlfriend. He said he lost it when they said "life flight."

Our family went to the viewing today. So sad and there's nothing to say, but show up and be there. I thought "that could have been us." Our son made it that night, she didn't. It brings it back.

His girlfriend has some family to take care of her that really care. It will mean a change of home for her, living with a much older generation. She was close to her mother. My son wants to and is taking care of her. He is hurting in his own way, he feels part of the family.

Just feel sick in that PTSD way. Know what trauma can do. Wonder how I can help. Things change in an instant.

 

[The Albatross]

Relate and sending condolences and sympathy @seedling. When we lost our family friend a day before his birthday in March, I was with him when he had a cerebral aneurysm. He though was advanced age (almost 78) ... more difficult to see or know people much younger have things so sudden result in death. A girl on my swim team in high school swimming behind me during a practice had a similar aneurysm right behind me in the pool. I was the one who called attention and got her to the side of the pool. She was DOA though the hospital was near by... only 15 or 16. It brought it back for me when our friend Chet had his though I was glad he was not alone in his home and that I was there.

Glad to read you turn your thoughts to what you can do to help... surely your son's girlfriend would appreciate it as having kindnesses to focus on even post unmooring incident can be helpful for how we remember it. When my dad died, I was in a particularly low place, yet I remember the one very kind lady from my church that came to sit and talk with me and gifted me a book. In any number of ways... the kindnesses of others large or small really can and do matter.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am really sorry for this loss of someone so young. I think it would be great if you could help out in some way. Thinking of you, the young girl, and your son.

 

[seedling]

Thanks you guys, the funeral is this morning. Along with a busy day at work before and after. Had a good talk with my son last night. He's so great.

 

[seedling]

Thanks for the support, it's meant a lot today.
Wow, feeling for others at the funeral. Spent a little time with my son and his girlfriend. She's so quiet and they've usually been at her house so I don't know her well. She's so tired. My son was by her side the whole time, attentive. I didn't know it ahead of time, but we walked across the road to a tiny cemetery after the funeral for the committal. More heartbreaking goodbyes.

And this after his girlfriend lashed out in anger at him first thing this morning, he was crying over that. He said if he calls her on it, it makes it worse.

And her great-grandmother (who raised the mother) hovering over her like a formidable mother hen. My son will have her to contend with now, although she had some kind words to say about him to us.

And I'm triggered in some way. Maybe it's being close to death again. Waves of "?" going through me, feeling elsewhere. And sad and a little depressed. Just don't care, letting go, floating where nothing can touch me. I'm mad that her mother died and left her, she must be too.