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Transference shifted from positive to negative

Discussion in 'Treatment & Therapy' started by Searching4Self, May 16, 2018.

  1. Searching4Self

    Searching4Self Well-Known Member

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    9 months with this therapist. Tried talking about transference in the beginning—she said it would go away on its own.

    It kind of did, more like transformed—from erotic, to maternal, to friend—and never talking about it.

    Finally told myself to stop avoiding it and brought it up—out of anger—I was mad that I had never dealt with it—I guess I had to get to anger to face it?

    She seemed uncomfortable, but that was probably me projecting.

    Then at the end of the session she says, “Two weeks instead of one?”

    I was like, “What?! You’re weaning me?”

    She said, “Because you were worried about the attachment, but if you’re not ready just say so.”

    Got all worked up, said I wasn’t ready, made the appointment, and stormed out.

    Never felt this way toward her. It was all love and puppies and butterflies before—it was about her comforting me and such.

    Now I’m pissed! I’m trying so hard to get to the POINT of this whole thing, to FEEL what’s under it all, and it seems like she’s resisting it. I’m finally facing the transference and she says I’m too worried about the attachment?

    I’m confused and angry. I have to say those things. She’s forcing me to express myself, to bring the anger in the room—very frightening because it has the potential to drive her away—I might say abusive things to her or myself—anger has the potential to end everything. And yet, it’s there.

    I’m going in to therapy with a chip on my shoulder now. I now am a bit afraid of her—I should say that—and mostly feeling bitter toward her. I wish she could help me shift that bitterness to my dad, but it seems like we just sit on it. I think she wants me to shift some of it to my husband—I think she’s trying to get it to go there first.

    Looking for support from anyone else who experienced a swing from positive transference to negative transference at some point in their therapy.
     
    hithere likes this.
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  3. lostforgottensoul

    lostforgottensoul I'm a VIP Premium Member Sponsor $100+

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    Oh goodness. I can't count the many times I have literally screamed at my therapist. Granted, he has never tried to cut my therapy. The insurence did but he never did. But, oh yes that transference has changed quiet a bit. At first it was a mix of rageful eroticism and then just rageful and then just erotic. Then to paternal. Wishing everyday that he was my father. Then to rageful. Now, today, it's more of a friend feeling. But, oh yes, in 9 yrs it has changed and transformed quite a bit.

    We talked about it. A lot. But I think he made a point to talk about it because I entered therapy very strong. Very seductive. And so, he has always kept a strong boundry there and made a point to talk about transference, what it is, why it's there, what we do with it etc. But, I'm not sure if all therapists would do that if not for the seductiveness. The only other experiences I had with any other therapists were with bad "therapists" (using that term super lightly). 2 had sex with me and 2 ended sessions. So, I'm not real sure if making a point to talk about it is normal or what most do. I just know what he's done.
     
    Searching4Self likes this.
  4. Emotional girl

    Emotional girl Active Member

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    Up until 8 weeks ago I had really positive transference towards to my T.To me he was the most perfect person in the world and I had these really strong feelings towards him.
    Then something happened in the outside world and I had a major trigger in regards to my childhood and I am in a really dark place because of it ,ever since then I have had such negative transference towards my T and I keep pushing him away.
    It got to the point where I walked out of a session because I felt he wasn't listening to me.I feel things are awkward between us and I am destroying our therapeutic relationship.
    I see my T every other week as we are cutting down my sessions slowly to get over my attachment .This week I have spent the time realising that if I carry on pushing him away then things are not going to end well.So I have decided to write him a letter explaining exactly what is going on for me at the moment.
    How would you feel about writing your T a letter to tell them how you are feeling towards them and why.Tell them you are feeling rejected,bitter and angry towards them and explain why.I am not saying it will solve your problems but it might help your T understand why you are feeling this way.
     
    Harmonics, ladee and Searching4Self like this.
  5. hithere

    hithere Well-Known Member

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    well, in my opinion, for her to say, "you were worried about attachment" is effed up. To me it sounds like she has no clue what is going on. For her to not help you through those feelings somehow doesn't seem right. Not that I have any idea how it would look to be helpful. If she is strong enough to deal with strong emotions from you, then it may work out in the end just by you taking what you're feeling with her and working it out on your own. Or going ahead and being vulnerable and telling her how you reacted to her and see where it goes. I would be lost if I received that reaction. Really, really lost and confused!
     
  6. Stephernovas

    Stephernovas Well-Known Member

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    so I just want you to realize that this IS the process. In this moment, you being angry about all this is you doing the therapies! Good. Be mad. Talk to her. Complain to your husband about it. Whatever you do in this moment is not wrong (unless you stop therapy all together). Stop overanalyzing it and just feel/do it.
     
  7. Stephernovas

    Stephernovas Well-Known Member

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    why does the therapist have to help her through her own emotions all the time like that? When is it ever fair for the client to do it on their own? If she did everything for that client in that manner that would be breeding dependancy. Not good.
     
    ladee and Searching4Self like this.
  8. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    I’m confused.

    I’m assuming you had other reasons for going to therapy other than to fix your transference with your therapist.

    So why is it that this takes precedence and she’s weaning you off of her?

    See what I’m getting at?

    Let’s forget all the other issues you came to therapy for and fix the transference by getting you out the door.
     
    whiteraven likes this.
  9. Searching4Self

    Searching4Self Well-Known Member

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    Strikes me oddly... this question feels loaded... it’s echoing of my own self-judgment...

    I get wind of this occasionally—I have to hunger for it, want it, for real change to take place, I. Must. Talk.

    Ouch. That feels like a swift slap—my worst fear—fear of failure—inability to graduate past dependency—stuck in infancy.
     
  10. Stephernovas

    Stephernovas Well-Known Member

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    As much as it sucks to hear, you need to do it and see what happens. Avoidance never fixed anything. It simply perpetuates the problem.

    Your feelings are true and valid. She’s just trying to help you get them out and sort them. She’s never going to do it for you.

    Another thing, I’d your therapist doesn’t piss you off once in a while, she/he is doing it wrong.
     
  11. Searching4Self

    Searching4Self Well-Known Member

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    @EveHarrington you have said that you don’t work with transference, so I don’t know why you are interested in this, but I will try to respond—

    Something weird about the negative transference is that it’s like a mirror into my other relationships—what’s going on with her is going on with my partner—so as I let go of my fantasies surrounding her (the transference)—I let go of my fantasies surrounding my trauma bond(s)—but I have to go *into* the feelings I have with her in the room in order to go into the feelings with my trauma bonds—right now my marriage.

    It’s a feckin’ painful scary process—feels like it could all collapse under me. I can’t get on top of it, but change happens around it.
     
    Justmehere and hithere like this.
  12. Searching4Self

    Searching4Self Well-Known Member

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    I don’t understand why you wrote it like this. “All the time?—Help her through her own emotions all the time?” Have I indicated that? I just started feeling emotions last August. Sensing them. Acknowledging them.

    I was held mentally captive by my father-abuser for almost 40 years. I am only just becoming aware of my trauma bonds.

    My worst fear is to be fawning and eliciting dependency, yet here it is, here it is. On the one hand, if I keep talking about it, I will either be going into my shame and fear or out of therapy by ruining the therapeutic relationship. On the other hand, if I don’t talk about it, I will be focusing on the the real issues or avoiding my deep fears/shame.
     
    hithere likes this.
  13. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    Ok, sorry, I won’t respond to your threads again.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2018
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