Trauma therapy question - How important is consistency?

Punky143

MyPTSD Pro
So I've been working on past trauma in therapy for awhile let's say. It's a slow process based on having DID amongst other things. I have been in therapy for over 10 years with the same person who I like. I haven't been working on trauma the entire time. But I'm frustrated and wonder what others think. There's no regularity in appts. I'm supposed to go 2x a week and some weeks I do. But, she takes every school vacation off, cancels when there are snow days and other times when her kids are sick. I understand life happens or at least I want to. But just when we feel any momentum happening and the desire to share more- she cancels or it's vacation time etc. It makes my parts very angry and hurt and not want to share anything.
How important is consistency when working on this stuff? I have no point of reference because I don't have any support outside therapy despite having tried. Please help me to understand. Thank you
 

grit

MyPTSD Pro
You are lucky that you have had the same therapist for so long. This is really a special relationship. Your gut feeling about consistency is right on. I wonder why she cannot give you a regular appt? Was this discussed and agreed upon?
I think it is really great you are acknowledging these feelings about the therapist, have you ever brought up how you feel when she cancels or goes away and reached some resolution in the past?

I do not know what will help for sure but I think 10 years is a long time and since you like her and get along with her, probably the most important thing in processing trauma is processing feelings that come toward the therapist directly with her. How do you feel about telling her your feelings?
 

Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
To me, consistency is paramount.

So is flexibility.

As in I am all good with reschedules etc, quick notices, and other life stuff. We both work more than 2 jobs so I get the juggling.

Consistency to me is more attitudes, reliability, not scheduling. Scheduling can have chaos in my world. Trust messed with? Not so much.

Youcase? Yeah. I'd ask for more reliability and less rescheduling with better paced sessions and sticking to the plan.

Especially as you are thrown to so bad dysregulation by it, every time. Which needs skills to stabilize. As it looks it's not something you are good with, compatible with how you process best.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
So I've been working on past trauma in therapy for awhile let's say. It's a slow process based on having DID amongst other things. I have been in therapy for over 10 years with the same person who I like. I haven't been working on trauma the entire time. But I'm frustrated and wonder what others think. There's no regularity in appts. I'm supposed to go 2x a week and some weeks I do. But, she takes every school vacation off, cancels when there are snow days and other times when her kids are sick. I understand life happens or at least I want to. But just when we feel any momentum happening and the desire to share more- she cancels or it's vacation time etc. It makes my parts very angry and hurt and not want to share anything.
How important is consistency when working on this stuff? I have no point of reference because I don't have any support outside therapy despite having tried. Please help me to understand. Thank you

Go with your gut....after ten years, are you a paycheck or a client in need? Is she meeting your clinical needs? Changing T's after 2 years was hard, and it was touch and go with insiders....but I'm really glad I did....I now have a dynamite therapist....who gets and models boundaries....and who is totally 100% present in the moment. My last T relationship stopped for a number of reasons....but primarily for shaky boundaries and no action plan-no agreed upon goal. This one, actively engages in goal setting, active listening, and she recalls details-my last one had memory issues, was out ALOT, cancelled same day a lot of times, and also the day before.....and she took no vacations. While I think taking vacations is important for a T's mental health, mine cancelled even if snow was a possibility....and none came down. Maybe you can keep going....and shop around (interview) and see what kind of trained trauma therapists who work with dissociative disorders are available in your area. Where I am, just because they check the box "dissociative disorders" and say they have 20 years experience, doesn't mean they have any idea how to work with someone with DID/DDNOS. Could you tolerate cutting back your schedule to once a week, for an hour? The schedule and your treatment plan is determined by both of you....Good Luck!
 
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