So I don't know if anyone can relate to this but... One of the biggest struggles for me is that I can't call what happened in my life as "trauma", even though rationally if it happened to someone else I would. There is that disconnect. When I was in therapy I wouldn't let my dr use certain words like "abuse" or "trauma" or "assault"... we ended up just calling them "negative experiences". I don't know why I have such trouble naming things for what they are. Part of the problem is I don't really remember everything, only flashes and bits of a puzzle... I'm not sure I want to remember either. Someone told me once that as long as I'm intent on not remembering something it's pretty hard to heal from a wound that isn't acknowledged. I don't care about all the other criterion for diagnosing PTSD. Avoidance, reliving experiences, hyperarousal symptoms, etc - I have lots of those. I just get hung up on the first, definitive part of PTSD, the whole "life-threatening, intense fear/helplessness" part, the TRAUMA part. I guess in my own happy mind I don't have PTSD since I don't have a history of "trauma", never mind that the rational logical parts of my brain detect the smell of horse manure with regard to that sort of thinking. I guess this makes no sense. I wonder if anyone else has this problem with accepting the idea that "trauma" is what occurred. I think it has a lot to do with trying to always project strength and to admit that something devastating could happen is tantamount to failure?