Sufferer Traumas old and new

rescattered

New Here
First time posting but have been reading for a few weeks. In the past I had been diagnosed with PTSD for miscellaneous childhood things (raised by a mentally ill mother, spent extensive time living away from home in a youth shelter, frequently ran away, numerous encounters with random pedophiles, etc.) but that always struck me as weird and unhealthy rather than traumatic per se, so I never embraced the diagnosis. I was also diagnosed as having DDNOS, which I guess is closely related to c-PTSD.

In any event, last summer my adult son (who was living out of state) had a psychotic break during the COVID pandemic. He was hospitalized and requested that I go there to help him out when he was discharged. I willingly did so. Less then 72 hours after discharge he had a relapse and became paranoid and delusional. I was trying to figure out how to talk him into letting me drive him back to the hospital when he snuck up behind me and started stabbing me with a knife. I don't remember exactly how, but I was able to escape the apartment while bleeding heavily and he was arrested after a 30 minute stand-off with the police.

My son is doing much better now. After nearly 6 months in a psych unit inside a county jail he had a plea-bargain which got him into a mental health diversion program. He is now living in a half-way house. I talk to him on the phone at least once a week. He still frequently apologizes for the attack. I long ago forgave him and never wanted to press charges (but once the police were involved it was out of my hands). While all this is good, it does mean that I am never far from a reminder of the incident.

For a while I seemed to be doing better, but the one-year anniversary hit me hard. I have always struggled with insomnia but it has become much worse since then. Therapy and antidepressants help, but only to a point. I don't know if things can ever really be fixed.

Can't think of anything else to say. Thanks for reading.
 

that_1_girl

Confident
Hi and welcome. What you have been through sounds truly awful. I’ve been through some similar things. My mother is mentally ill too, I’ve had various run ins with a variety of random pedophiles in my case, as well as one in particular who I believe but cannot remember how long it went on for, I’m guessing a fairly long time), and I don’t know what kind of DDNOS you were dx’ed with, but I have DID/OSDD, not sure which yet. OSDD-1 is similar to DDNOS-1b *I think*. DDNOS-1a is definitely classified as DID now in the DSM-5. Not exactly sure what I googled to find out that information. If I can find it I’ll edit and post the link.

I’m not clear on the ICD definitions if you’re not in the US. I’m brand new to this dissociative disorder thing. But yes, In my experience, basically all dissociative disorders are the result of trauma/complex trauma. And as far as I know, most people with DDNOS or DID definitely also have CPTSD.

Anyway, hello again and welcome 🙂 there are a lot of good people on here. I hope you can start to feel at home here.
 

rescattered

New Here
Hi and welcome. What you have been through sounds truly awful. I’ve been through some similar things. My mother is mentally ill too, I’ve had various run ins with a variety of random pedophiles in my case, as well as one in particular who I believe but cannot remember how long it went on for, I’m guessing a fairly long time), and I don’t know what kind of DDNOS you were dx’ed with, but I have DID/OSDD, not sure which yet. OSDD-1 is similar to DDNOS-1b *I think*. DDNOS-1a is definitely classified as DID now in the DSM-5. Not exactly sure what I googled to find out that information. If I can find it I’ll edit and post the link.

I’m not clear on the ICD definitions if you’re not in the US. I’m brand new to this dissociative disorder thing. But yes, In my experience, basically all dissociative disorders are the result of trauma/complex trauma. And as far as I know, most people with DDNOS or DID definitely also have CPTSD.

Anyway, hello again and welcome 🙂 there are a lot of good people on here. I hope you can start to feel at home here.
Thanks. I can relate to much of what you say. My therapist has vacillated between DID and DDNOS over the years, but I think that DDNOS (now OSDD) seems more accurate on the whole. I've never had amnesia, so using DSM-5 criteria it would seem that OSDD-1b might be the most accurate.

Thanks again for the welcome. This seems like a nice place.
 

that_1_girl

Confident
Thanks. I can relate to much of what you say. My therapist has vacillated between DID and DDNOS over the years, but I think that DDNOS (now OSDD) seems more accurate on the whole. I've never had amnesia, so using DSM-5 criteria it would seem that OSDD-1b might be the most accurate.

Thanks again for the welcome. This seems like a nice place.
PS here’s that link if you want a super quick visual of the DSM-4 vs DSM-5 categories:


A lot of the above website has been super helpful to me 🙂
 
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