So, living with dissociation (depersonalization for me) is a mess for private and professional matters. Sentences don't even come clearly most of the time. Impaired connection to my own thoughts and feelings, even forgetting how my body works to degrees, which makes hobbies a nightmare. Changing essentially from moment to moment, so I'm never quite the same "person." Years of this and analyzing my cues I thought to pattern observations. I don't know the component of my trauma, but I recognize I'm moderately triggered by my own sexual urges or feelings. I transfer myself away without even knowing it at the mere idea of embodying a sexual entity. That said, using symbols I try to conjure my entity and keep the transfer from happening. It's been impossible for more than moments at a time before it stops working altogether. I rehash the methods until something catches. When this works I am intrinsically aware of my constant trepidation and my body. Acuity is there physically and mentally. It feels like I can pull a piece of myself to the surface. Inevitably I'm thrown off balance and the pieces no longer fit together. This happens with hobbies similarly.
The fact that therapy helps proves there are exercises conducive to keeping mindfulness. Has anyone here tried hacking their difficulty with remaining present on their own? Any success? I can see why this is not advised. Honestly, I'm more interested in how the mind works.
Edit: I forgot to mention that amidst success I can't tell whether or not I'm present or disscociated. I may fathom my body, but it doesn't feel like active awareness at all. It's strange. But I can notice my nearness or advance to objects without having to look. Helps with my job.
The fact that therapy helps proves there are exercises conducive to keeping mindfulness. Has anyone here tried hacking their difficulty with remaining present on their own? Any success? I can see why this is not advised. Honestly, I'm more interested in how the mind works.
Edit: I forgot to mention that amidst success I can't tell whether or not I'm present or disscociated. I may fathom my body, but it doesn't feel like active awareness at all. It's strange. But I can notice my nearness or advance to objects without having to look. Helps with my job.
