I've just watched a TV drama. I wouldn't notmally watch anything that had any reference to CSA but I didn't know it was going there until the last episode of a four part drama, and like an idiot I kept watching.
I've hidden from my past for so long but I am really trying to heal from it and part of my healing is trying to cope with hearing about it, watching things etc in small doses, and trying to increase my tolerance I guess but this was too much and now I am just left all alone and seriously struggling with it.
I have no idea what to do with myself. Breathe I guess. Breathe and try and get some sleep. It's 2am here.
I'm just so fed up of living this life. I'm fed up of having this weight around my neck all of the time. I'm fed up of being so messed up. I'm fed up of being triggered at even the mention of CSA.
I hate it and yet I can't see a way out of it. I am six years in to therapy and honestly, some days it feels like we haven't even made any progress at all in this area. I can't see a way out and that kills me.
I've hidden from my past for so long but I am really trying to heal from it and part of my healing is trying to cope with hearing about it, watching things etc in small doses, and trying to increase my tolerance I guess but this was too much and now I am just left all alone and seriously struggling with it.
I have no idea what to do with myself. Breathe I guess. Breathe and try and get some sleep. It's 2am here.
I'm just so fed up of living this life. I'm fed up of having this weight around my neck all of the time. I'm fed up of being so messed up. I'm fed up of being triggered at even the mention of CSA.
I hate it and yet I can't see a way out of it. I am six years in to therapy and honestly, some days it feels like we haven't even made any progress at all in this area. I can't see a way out and that kills me.