Triggered by FKA Twigs Lawsuit

Hi all :)
I'm sure some of you have heard about FKA Twig’s domestic abuse lawsuit against Shia Lebeouf. I felt quite triggered by it and just wanted to say how I was feeling on here because I don't really have anyone to talk to. Even though I don’t know her I’m really proud and happy for her for doing what she is doing. It just sucks because I can't help but wish I could do the same. I've wanted so long now to speak out and take action against my abuser. It's not that I want revenge but it's been eating away at me that he could be out there abusing another girl and she could feel as helpless as I did. I don’t have pictures or written evidence of the things he did but I do know one of his exes that went through the same as me. I've been thinking of getting in touch with her. But there is no guarantee that she would want to speak out. And I'm just some girl from some town I'm not FKA Twigs. No one is gonna take me seriously and if I were to ever press charges it would probably never go anywhere. I just feel like I need to do this. I've been burying these feelings for a while telling myself to just move on but the lawsuit has brought it back up. I hate that the world makes us feel like we can't speak out.
 

Deanna

MyPTSD Pro
I don't think FKA Twigs will win the lawsuit, although I'm not dismissing your feelings. That's all considered heresay in a court of law and she is out of the relationship now. When you're out of the relationship and say nothing, its hard to prove that anything happened. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. She clearly knew he was a drunk because she was in a constant relationship with him. Domestic abuse, my as#. She knew what he was. I'm sorry you had to go through domestic abuse

 
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Deanna

MyPTSD Pro
I did some research and found out he has PTSD and was heavily drinking. That's not a good mix.

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He added that he was “a sober member of a 12-step program” and in therapy. “I am not cured of my PTSD and alcoholism," he wrote, “but I am committed to doing what I need to do to recover, and I will forever be sorry to the people that I may have harmed along the way.”

 
It's difficult to come out about abuse, and when we do we're usually attacked by somebody. Somebody will say something like "you knew what he was like so it wasn't abuse when he did it to you," or find some way to blame you. And it's true that people who do things to harm other people are often suffering, themselves. A person who does bad things is not all evil, and many of us want to see the good in a person who has done bad things. When you speak out there will be people who want to focus on the good they see in your abuser. If you are realistic about your expectations regarding what might happen when you speak out, and you're willing to stand up to the additional abuse you're likely to get for speaking up, then doing so may make you a stronger person. You may find out who your true friends are and aren't. You may prevent someone else from being abused, or give someone else the courage to speak up. It's a painful process though.
 

Deanna

MyPTSD Pro
It's difficult to come out about abuse, and when we do we're usually attacked by somebody. Somebody will say something like "you knew what he was like so it wasn't abuse when he did it to you," or find some way to blame you. And it's true that people who do things to harm other people are often suffering, themselves. A person who does bad things is not all evil, and many of us want to see the good in a person who has done bad things. When you speak out there will be people who want to focus on the good they see in your abuser. If you are realistic about your expectations regarding what might happen when you speak out, and you're willing to stand up to the additional abuse you're likely to get for speaking up, then doing so may make you a stronger person. You may find out who your true friends are and aren't. You may prevent someone else from being abused, or give someone else the courage to speak up. It's a painful process though.
FKA Twigs had plenty of money to leave her abuser. Plenty. Many women don't have the money to leave and have to endure the abuse. Or. Run and Rely on government programs While I know that FKA Twigs isn't really the topic here, she is in the topic.

Also. She has diagnosed herself as PTSD now and is also saying she was bullied by her other boyfriend as well.


 
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joeylittle

Administrator
She clearly knew he was a drunk because she was in a constant relationship with him. Domestic abuse, my as#. She knew what he was.
This is utter bullshit. The domestic abuse dynamic is more complicated than this. Here's just one place to start: Institute for Family Studies piece addressing some (eight) common reasons why a person would stay in an abusive relationship.

You might as well say that a rape victim isn't raped when they know their rapist, just because they know the person. That also runs counter to all available research, this chart published by RAINN is a decent one to refer to.

While I know that FKA Twigs isn't really the topic here, she is in the topic.
I'm glad you acknowledged this.

Lets get back to the OP, now. If you want to start a new thread to discuss the allegations, feel free to do so.

ALL: Continuing to discuss whether or not Twigs was abused will result in thread bans.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
dang all I wanted to do was rant did not think it would cause this much of a problem :/
It didn't cause a problem. Rant away!
(The moderators commented on other people's posts, not yours, and you're not responsible for where other people took your thread).

I get what you say in your post. Mine isn't DV, but sexual trauma, and the conviction rates in my country are 1.7%. awful odds on not getting a conviction.
But this place is somewhere to say what you need to. And to be heard and validated.
 

NoWhereKnowWhere

MyPTSD Pro
@blissfuldaydreams might be a idea to talk to an advocacy group for DV survivors if there is such a thing in your area. It’s so horrible I see what you mean I’d never report because it would just be too re-traumatising and pointless because no one would get convicted. I really struggled with feeling responsible for the abusers future actions. But like I’m just trying to survive, if people really cared about us they’d make reporting easier and wouldn’t victim blame.
 
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