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Medical Triggered from period cramps

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goosegoose

Confident
So, I went out last night. I was responsible with my alcohol intake but I still took in a heck of a lot of sugar and this morning wham bam thank you ma'am - I start my period. It's probably been one of my most intense ones I've had in a long ass time so it's really swept me off my feet.

It reminded me of a point in time when I was in high school and my stomach was in so much constant burning pain (unrelated to my period, which I was still having regularly with this mystery pain). I had to basically beg my dad to take me to the doctor's office and then when I finally did see someone, he essentially told me that it was "in my head." I left the doctor's office that day shattered because it took so f*cking long to even get to that point.

I kept bugging my dad about taking me back to see someone else, I think it took me breaking down in tears for him to take me seriously (IIRC). I saw a different doctor and he took me seriously and told me that I had had a stomach ulcer that had gotten out of control and that I had been at risk of internal bleeding.

That was over 10 years ago but the physical pain I'm experiencing today with my period really pulled me back into that space of constant pain and neglect. I definitely cried feeling overwhelmed.

I have an appointment next week with a doctor I've never seen before to try to address carpal tunnel symptoms. I'm really trying to remain hopeful and optimistic but I'm nervous.

I'm not really sure if I'm looking for advice, or just condolences lol just in my head I guess

thanks for reading 🦆
 
That was over 10 years ago but the physical pain I'm experiencing today with my period really pulled me back into that space of constant pain and neglect. I definitely cried feeling overwhelmed.
I'm not really sure if I'm looking for advice, or just condolences lol just in my head I guess

My sexual assault & rape-trauma hasn’t triggered me in 15 x 20 years. Even when I very much feel like I’ve just been raped (like post some OB/Gyn or abdominal surgeries), and can vividly remember exactly which events felt like this. They’re just like memories of any other non-traumatic thing from my past. Memories. Not reliving 2 realities overlaid on top of each other.

Which I’m sharing because even having the experience of fully processed trauma & semi or unprocessed trauma? And the stark differences between those 2? Doesn’t make current triggers & stressors any less just f*cking BRUTAL… but?

Just knowing that it’s possible has helped a whole helluva lot, in… reality-checking / untangling past & present, grounding, identifying core beliefs & cognitive distortions, chipping away at triggers & stressors, going after root causes (Ie trauma processing) and all of the other tips, tricks, and tools that DO help. That I’m often otherwise just. too. damn. tired., or in too much pain, to even want to do, much less actually do, or keep doing.

It’s like going through profound grief far enough to know that someday just thinking of the person I’ve lost will fill me with joy, and laughter/delight/all things amazing… rather than screaming pain, anguish, regret, remorse, sadness, suicidally bereaved… doesn’t make losing the people you love hurt any less.

But just knowing it’s possible? Whether it’s grief drowning me or worlds colliding as the past floods the present… doesn’t make things any easier, but does give me strength, and stubbornness to keep going when I’m already in hell.
 
I get it. I had severe endometriosis prior to transitioning, and the only thing that stopped it was hormone therapy. I had so much tissue they ended up doing surgery on it. Nowadays there's some research out there that suggests a correlation between dysmenorrhea and abuse, but I don't know how solid that all is.

To me it makes a lot of sense. I would be in so much pain that I'd pass out and have to go to the hospital and get a morphine shot as a child. I even got in the news! They were doing a segment on interesting cases and asked if I could be featured, and I was as an unexplained abdominal anomaly (say that 5-times fast, heh.)

Your doctor invalidated you, and that's the kicker. Doctors? They can f*cking suck. I taught myself most of medicine out of the physician's desk reference, Harrison's, you name it. Pharmacology and the DSM, got it. It's just words, I learned 'em and I manage my own healthcare for the most part. Some stuff I can't do like labs and imaging, tests. I hate interacting with doctors.

Throw in a bit of misogyny and ableism on top, whew. It sucks. It really f*cking does. I hear ya.
 
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