• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

General Triggering losses and dc metro supporter group interest

Status
Not open for further replies.

PenelopeB

Learning
Things had been looking up for so long and I hadn’t logged onto this forum for months, but this past week my first responder with cPTSD lost a fellow provider from a neighboring station with whom he had run a few calls to suicide and 2 days later lost a very close firefighter friend. I’m not sure of the cause of death for the second friend and didn’t want to push my guy on the issue, but I heard from other sources that it was at home and unexpected, especially for such a young person. I expected the pulling away and loss of communication upon hearing the sad news, but after we were doing so well, it hurts to see my sufferer in such pain and to not be able to do anything about it except for wait it out for however long it takes and to reassure him that I love him and am here for him when he is ready. Either way, it’s a sad reminder that PTSD can get better but never really goes away. Even though I’m used to the push and pull, I’m finding it a little difficult to determine how much I need to check in on him and be sure that he is okay versus giving him space to grieve on his own or with other first responder friends. I don’t want to hover, but I want him to know I’m here if he needs me. Any suggestions from other supporters or sufferers?

During all of these rough moments, I have found this forum and the people on it to be an extraordinarily help and support system. Honestly, I’m not sure that I would have the same strong relationship I have with my sufferer today without the encouragement and understanding of other amazing supporters and sufferers on this page. However, sometimes I wish that I could talk to someone who understands what it is like in person. I know in the Washington, D.C. area there are very few resources available for PTSD sufferers let alone loved ones of sufferers. However, I wanted to reach out to see if there would be anyone else in the D.C. metro area on here who might be interested in organizing a support group for supporters similar to Al Anon to give each other a safe space to share stories and talk when needed, share resources for sufferers and supporters, and learn with how to cope and adjust to life and relationships with a PTSD sufferer. Give me a shout if you’re close by and want to set something up or if you know of anyone who might be interested or has some connections to help form a group in the D.C. area. Thank you guys for all of your support as always!
 
I’m a wife of a firefighter. I’m sorry for his loss. I know it’s hard to know how to support them. One good thing, if their open they have support in the brotherhood of the department (for the most part) all you can do is be there when he needs you. Sometimes sitting in silence is supportive. Sending hugs if you except.
 
Oh my goodness, I missed the notification email, but thank you so much! I will totally accept the hugs, and thank you for the supportive words. He spent the first few days alternating between being at the bar (I know it’s not the best, but if it helps him cope, as long as he doesn’t hurt himself or someone else, I’m not going to say anything) and being at the station (sober of course). I gave him his space and after a couple of days, he texted just to let me know he appreciated the space, loves me, was getting through, and wanted me to catch him up on everything going on in my life while he was checked out. Lucky to have a guy who lets me know how much he cares despite all he’s going through! Either way, I’m glad that he has his firehouse family to fall back on when I can’t understand and that I have lovely people like you all to fall back on when something comes up. Thanks! :)
 
I’m glad your back, you need support to from people who understand. It’s always good, he has support from his fire brothers. My husband has very few that know. But the ones that do support him. :) It’s also nice to have a firewife- sister :hug:
 
I'm going through a very similar situation. My s/o of 8 years had one of his former colleagues ..and best friend perish with his crew in a medical helicopter accident Thursday night. It didn't take long for him to turn on me. The first 12 hours he wanted to be with me, then suddenly I became the personification of his unhappiness. Is been a rough weekend. I'm giving him his space, but it hurts. I barely know what to do anymore.
 
I'm going through a very similar situation. My s/o of 8 years had one of his former colleagues ..and b...
NaeNae, hang in there! I can’t even imagine, that sounds awful accident. I know there aren’t really words to change what you and your SO are going through but as I’m sure you already know, it’s just the waiting game and you’re not alone.
 
NaeNae, hang in there! I can’t even imagine, that sounds awful accident. I know there aren’t real...
Sorry, my phone is acting weird and sent that before I was done! Anyway, we’re here if you need to vent or shed some tears (I can’t speak for anyone else, but at least I’ve been there when my guy hasn’t exactly been as nice as he usually is as he’s been going through stuff) but just hang on to the good and the love that’ll come back to you as he heals and finds you waiting for him. Hearts and hugs to you and keeping you and your SO in my thoughts. You are not alone
 
Sorry, my phone is acting weird and sent that before I was done! Anyway, we’re here if you need to...

Thank you! It's quite frustrating. I try to learn new tactics to cope myself every day. Part of the problem is that depending on how he leaves, he triggers me and my PTSD as well as my adopted daughter.
This particular episode is quite different than any in the past. I feel so bad, but I need to change something, because I don't know if I can do this for the rest of my life.
It feels like he lost one of his best friends, so now I do I have to lose mine?
 
I’m so sorry. Wish I knew what to say, but have you looked at getting an outside perspective from someone who has a little more experience dealing with similar situations? I think the Supporter Relationships forum has some really good video links for supporters that talk about self-care and when to draw the line as well. You need to take care of yourself too!
 
You're so sweet! I went Monday to my women's group, that was helpful. Then yesterday my T squeezed me in. I feel much better. He's starting to come down a bit. He's making plans with us again, but it's little bits. I'm fine with that.
The service was today, and then he got caught in traffic on hisway home, so I had to get his son from school. The kids were all at home and I went back to my office to work. He stopped by to talk, so I left him.
He's still not doing well, but it's better than it eas, so I'll take it. My T helped me bigger to a better place, so I'm really practicing my self care and it's helping. It's hard when his reactions trigger my PTSD like this. But thankfully my T is a genius...
 
Glad to hear that time and amazing people are helping you guys through it! Hopefully the upwards trend continued for the rest of the week? Hang in there! Baby steps are still wins!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top