Since the Saturday before New Years when my SIL had a heart attack, an article I read here about PTSD/heart disease has been in the back of my mind. Now I know that, logically, my SIL has other health issues that I do not share, but I think the fact that we are both the same age (38) did a little spook on me.
I received confirmation from several sources that the article was, indeed, correct. Also that treatment (meds, therapy) decrease the risks. OK. So at lunch yesterday I sat down and really thought about it. A-I'm doing what I can to get better (meds, therapy), B-Physically I'm strong and healthy. C-There comes a point where you just have to say 'It is what it is' and know that ultimately, most things in life are out of my control (other than my reaction).
I'm not quite sure what my thinking this through did, but I triggered something beause my afternoon was spent fighting anxiety (and, of course, in the midst of it I forgot that when you fight it, it gets worse). The only thing I can think of is that it has to do with my fear of illness/pain (this came about after watching my father and sister die painful deaths from illness within 12 months of each other). I even ended up taking an extra dose of my anti-anxiety meds just to get through the day.
I got home, changed my clothes, laid down on the bed and was so exhausted that I was asleep almost instantly for about an hour and a half. I missed my fencing class and my husband was telling me 'When you feel bad, those are the days when you need to go out and do things.' While I agree on principle, trying to explain that I couldn't go because once I woke up it was all I could do to stay awake seemed to fall on deaf ears. *sigh* After 20 years of marriage, we were at that point where our communication was at that almost psychic level (finish each other's sentences, a look communicating exactly what the other is feeling/thinking, etc.) Now in the last six months, it's like we've had to relearn (actually still in the learning phase) how to communicate with each other. It's frustrating on both ends. Sometimes pretty damned frustrating.
I'm sure I'm not the first one to say this here...but PTSD really blows!!!!!!!! :mad:
I received confirmation from several sources that the article was, indeed, correct. Also that treatment (meds, therapy) decrease the risks. OK. So at lunch yesterday I sat down and really thought about it. A-I'm doing what I can to get better (meds, therapy), B-Physically I'm strong and healthy. C-There comes a point where you just have to say 'It is what it is' and know that ultimately, most things in life are out of my control (other than my reaction).
I'm not quite sure what my thinking this through did, but I triggered something beause my afternoon was spent fighting anxiety (and, of course, in the midst of it I forgot that when you fight it, it gets worse). The only thing I can think of is that it has to do with my fear of illness/pain (this came about after watching my father and sister die painful deaths from illness within 12 months of each other). I even ended up taking an extra dose of my anti-anxiety meds just to get through the day.
I got home, changed my clothes, laid down on the bed and was so exhausted that I was asleep almost instantly for about an hour and a half. I missed my fencing class and my husband was telling me 'When you feel bad, those are the days when you need to go out and do things.' While I agree on principle, trying to explain that I couldn't go because once I woke up it was all I could do to stay awake seemed to fall on deaf ears. *sigh* After 20 years of marriage, we were at that point where our communication was at that almost psychic level (finish each other's sentences, a look communicating exactly what the other is feeling/thinking, etc.) Now in the last six months, it's like we've had to relearn (actually still in the learning phase) how to communicate with each other. It's frustrating on both ends. Sometimes pretty damned frustrating.
I'm sure I'm not the first one to say this here...but PTSD really blows!!!!!!!! :mad: