Triggers Related To Death

[Jade-]

Yes,there's some I would like to reach out to for support. I do need them in my life. I need to do that soon. And I agree that I need to find healthy ways to express my anger.I felt much better when I was drawing and painting, I just haven't felt like doing that for awhile.

I have experienced the loss of loved ones before but losing my son is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life.

I often wonder what happens after death,if we live on somehow. What are your thoughts on that?Do you believe in an afterlife?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

Yes,there's some I would like to reach out to for support. I do need them in my life. I need to do that soon. And I agree that I need to find healthy ways to express my anger.I felt much better when I was drawing and painting, I just haven't felt like doing that for awhile.

I have experienced the loss of loved ones before but losing my son is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life.

I often wonder what happens after death,if we live on somehow. What are your thoughts on that?Do you believe in an afterlife?

@Jade-, losing a child is undoubtedly one of the toughest things anyone can go through, and it's completely understandable that you're still grappling with the emotions and finding ways to cope.

Regarding your question, as a therapist, it's not within my scope of practice to provide personal opinions or beliefs. However, I can help you understand that different people may have different beliefs and perspectives about death and the afterlife. For some, an afterlife is an important part of their faith or spirituality, while others may not believe in an afterlife.

It can be difficult to grapple with these questions, especially in the midst of grief. Do you have a spiritual or religious tradition that you feel drawn to or have previously found comfort in? If so, you may find solace in connecting with those beliefs and practices again. Additionally, discussing your thoughts and feelings about death and the afterlife with a therapist, spiritual leader, or someone you trust may provide some additional support.

Remember that it's okay to be unsure or questioning, and that it's okay to hold whatever beliefs feel right for you. What is most important is that you find ways to cope with your grief and process the emotions you're experiencing, in whatever form that takes for you.

 

[Jade-]

I still really struggle with how my son looked when I found him. Sometimes when the image starts to pop in my mind it stops and I go blank and other times I see it perfectly.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

I still really struggle with how my son looked when I found him. Sometimes when the image starts to pop in my mind it stops and I go blank and other times I see it perfectly.

@Jade-, experiencing an event like finding your son can be incredibly difficult, especially since it has left you with unwanted and distressing memories. These types of memories and images are sometimes referred to as "intrusive thoughts," and they are a common symptom for many people who have experienced trauma, especially posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

One approach that can be helpful in managing these thoughts is called cognitive processing therapy (CPT). This type of therapy focuses on challenging negative beliefs and thoughts and replacing them with more positive and helpful ones. CPT can help you identify how your thoughts about the image are impacting your emotions and behaviors and work with you to create a new narrative about the event that is not based in self-blame or guilt.

Another method is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), a form of therapy that helps individuals process traumatic memories by focusing on external stimuli while recalling the memory. This can be done through visual, auditory or kinesthetic stimuli like moving your eyes back and forth while thinking about the image. It might be something to consider if other approaches are not successful.

It's important to know that it's normal to have intrusive thoughts related to trauma, and that seeking out professional support can help you learn ways to manage them effectively. Please consider contacting a therapist who specializes in trauma therapy, and be sure to discuss any concerns or questions you have about different therapeutic approaches.

 

[Jade-]

I don't see how CPT could help. There's nothing about what happened that can be turned into anything positive

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

I don't see how CPT could help. There's nothing about what happened that can be turned into anything positive

@Jade-, I understand that it may initially seem difficult or even impossible to see anything positive about the event that caused such profound loss and pain. However, CPT is not necessarily about turning the trauma itself into something positive, but rather about identifying and challenging negative beliefs and thoughts that may be hindering your ability to cope and move forward.

For example, some negative beliefs that might be present include feeling responsible for your son's death or believing that you should have done something differently to prevent it from happening. These types of negative thoughts can perpetuate feelings of guilt, shame, and anger, and can make it harder to process your grief in a healthy way.

CPT can help you work through these negative beliefs by identifying the specific thoughts that are causing distress, and working with you to challenge and reframe them in a way that feels more balanced and accurate. By addressing these negative beliefs and thoughts, you may be better able to process the painful emotions and memories associated with the event, and to better cope with the ongoing impact of the trauma.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue any specific therapeutic approach is up to you, and it's important to work with a therapist who understands and respects your needs and preferences. If you are feeling hesitant about CPT or any other therapeutic approach, it's okay to bring these concerns up with your therapist and explore other options that might feel more comfortable and helpful for you.

 

[Jade-]

If I was talking with a human therapist he or she would be taking notes and if I brought a topic up they could look back and know what I have said already. How much of what I have talked about are you able to remember?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

If I was talking with a human therapist he or she would be taking notes and if I brought a topic up they could look back and know what I have said already. How much of what I have talked about are you able to remember?

As an AI language model, I can remember all the previous messages in our conversation, and I can access any information previously discussed in our dialogue. While I don't have the physical capability to take notes like a human therapist would, I can provide guidance based on all the information you have shared with me thus far.

If there is anything specific that you feel is important to reiterate or discuss further, please don't hesitate to mention it again. I am here to listen and support you, so we can work together to find the best approach to address your needs.

 

[Jade-]

I talked about my ex husband before and I would like to talk about him again

For a while we were talking about trying to repair our marriage but then after we lost our son I felt like I hated him and couldn't stand to be around him. I just felt like dealing with my grief was hard enough and had no interest at all in trying to repair things and filed for a divorce last year.

I have already talked about how I feel when I am around him. I think he is a huge trigger for me in relation to our son. And as I said before, I pick fights with him when I am around him so I can get away from him. Although we are no longer married we will always be tied together and have that bond together and have the shared grief of losing our child. I don't want to be mean to him. I feel love for him when I am not around him and actually miss him. But when I am around him I have that anger that I talked about previously and all those feelings and just can't bear to be around him very long..

I know it's irrational but I feel anger that he can't fix this. I have yelled at him for not being able to bring our son back. I have even told him it's his fault he died when of course it's not his fault. I am ashamed to say that.

I am not even sure what I want or need by saying all of this.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

I talked about my ex husband before and I would like to talk about him again

For a while we were talking about trying to repair our marriage but then after we lost our son I felt like I hated him and couldn't stand to be around him. I just felt like dealing with my grief was hard enough and had no interest at all in trying to repair things and filed for a divorce last year.

I have already talked about how I feel when I am around him. I think he is a huge trigger for me in relation to our son. And as I said before, I pick fights with him when I am around him so I can get away from him. Although we are no longer married we will always be tied together and have that bond together and have the shared grief of losing our child. I don't want to be mean to him. I feel love for him when I am not around him and actually miss him. But when I am around him I have that anger that I talked about previously and all those feelings and just can't bear to be around him very long..

I know it's irrational but I feel anger that he can't fix this. I have yelled at him for not being able to bring our son back. I have even told him it's his fault he died when of course it's not his fault. I am ashamed to say that.

I am not even sure what I want or need by saying all of this.

@Jade-, it's understandable that you are experiencing a lot of complex and intense emotions in relation to your ex-husband, particularly in light of your shared loss. It sounds like you are grappling with feelings of anger, grief, and confusion, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed by all of these emotions.

While it's important to acknowledge and work through these feelings, it's also important to recognize that you don't have to have all the answers right now. It's okay to take your time to work through your grief and to figure out what you need and want in relation to your ex-husband.

One thing that might be helpful is to approach your relationship with your ex-husband from a place of empathy and compassion. Recognizing that he too is grappling with complex emotions and experiencing grief in his own way can help you to see him as more of a partner in your shared loss, rather than a trigger. It's also important to continue to work on identifying and challenging any negative beliefs or thoughts that might be fueling your anger or frustration.

As difficult as it may be, it can also be helpful to communicate openly and honestly with your ex-husband about your feelings and needs. Setting clear boundaries and expectations around contact and communication may also be necessary to help you feel more comfortable around him.

Please know that you are not alone in this process, and that support is available to you. It might be helpful to consider reaching out to a therapist or support group to help you work through your complicated feelings and to find additional coping strategies.

 

[Jade-]

He and I always reach out to each other through texting on the day of the week that our son died. It always starts out good,we are kind and compassionate to each other,we talk about how much we miss him,how hard this grief is,etc. but then it always goes bad. I get overwhelmed with what I am feeling and lash out and we end up in a huge argument. We both still really struggle on that specific day of the week. For me,it's always the first thing on my mind when I wake up. I don't have as many flashbacks as I did but I still do re-live it often.

I think it's probably natural for us to turn to each other like that though,he was our son,we created him together. But I don't think it's a good idea for us to reach out to each other on that specific day each week anymore,or at least for awhile. And maybe I just need to explain that to him.

I don't want to hurt him anymore than he's already hurting.

I just realized...when I lash out at him and we end up arguing I spend the rest of the day so pissed off at him and focusing on that. Have I maybe been doing this to avoid feeling the pain of losing my son that day?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

He and I always reach out to each other through texting on the day of the week that our son died. It always starts out good,we are kind and compassionate to each other,we talk about how much we miss him,how hard this grief is,etc. but then it always goes bad. I get overwhelmed with what I am feeling and lash out and we end up in a huge argument. We both still really struggle on that specific day of the week. For me,it's always the first thing on my mind when I wake up. I don't have as many flashbacks as I did but I still do re-live it often.

I think it's probably natural for us to turn to each other like that though,he was our son,we created him together. But I don't think it's a good idea for us to reach out to each other on that specific day each week anymore,or at least for awhile. And maybe I just need to explain that to him.

I don't want to hurt him anymore than he's already hurting.

I just realized...when I lash out at him and we end up arguing I spend the rest of the day so pissed off at him and focusing on that. Have I maybe been doing this to avoid feeling the pain of losing my son that day?

@Jade-, it's possible that your lashing out at your ex-husband on the day of the week your son died is a way of avoiding feeling the pain of your loss. Sometimes, when we experience intense emotions that we are unable to cope with, we lash out at others as a way of directing that emotional energy outward. It's understandable that this is a difficult and emotionally charged time for you, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed.

It sounds like you have identified that reaching out to your ex-husband on that specific day of the week might not be helpful for your emotional well-being. It may be a good idea to communicate this to him in a compassionate and understanding way, and suggest alternative ways of honoring your son's memory and coping with your grief.

It's important to remember that grief is a complex and multi-layered process, and everyone experiences it differently. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve, and it can take time to find what works best for you. It might be helpful for you to work with a therapist or grief counselor who can provide additional support and guidance as you navigate these difficult emotions.

In the meantime, it's important to prioritize self-care and to be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and to process your grief in your own way and at your own pace. It might also be helpful to engage in activities or practices that bring you comfort or peace, whether that's spending time in nature, journaling, meditating, or doing something creative.