Triggers - Returning to a city where I was bullied

[Easy]

Hello.
I must return to a city where I was bullied by a guy I dated and his friend and mother (I know, surreal). I rationally know they’re losers and miserable, but emotionally I feel very vulnerable. Any advice on how to cope with it? I don’t wanna look scared, I don’t wanna be scared, I want them to fear me and most of all ti respect me.
What should I do?
Thank you very much.

 

[Friday]

Any advice on how to cope with it?

This. Below.

How to use triggers as a means to recovery?

To answer this question, lets first define a psychological trigger. A trigger is an activated traumatic memory due to your present environment via one or more of your five senses, sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. A trigger will result in a symptomatic or behavioral response. To fully...

www.myptsd.com

 

[shimmerz]

Decide beforehand how you want to present yourself to these people. Do you want to be all nicey nicey? Show contempt? Disregard?

 

[Movingforward10]

It's a mindshift that helps me.

Sounds like it's a power and control issue? I.e. you don't want to be scared of them but you want them to be scared of you?
Which is about power and control?
Shifting it to: you have power and control over yourself. It's not healthy to have power and control over other people.
(I.e. maybe working through your wish for them to fear you, and work just on you being you and you being ok).

A city is a big place by definition.
No need to say what city, but the city I am in has many suburbs. I can easily avoid the suburb where my trauma happened and live in the city without needing to go there. (other than to visit my parents, which I do rarely).
Do you have to move to the same part of the city as them?

I did a visualisation exercise with my therapist to prepare for the first time I went to that suburb after a long time of not going. It helped in the sense that I could give myself messages about the here and now, and who I am now, and the automny I have now. (went belly up as it brought up an assault/rape that I hadn't spoken about before...but that's another story).

So what can you do to help you feel safe and grounded in reality as opposed to triggered?

 

[Easy]

It's a mindshift that helps me.

Sounds like it's a power and control issue? I.e. you don't want to be scared of them but you want them to be scared of you?
Which is about power and control?
Shifting it to: you have power and control over yourself. It's not healthy to have power and control over other people.
(I.e. maybe working through your wish for them to fear you, and work just on you being you and you being ok).

A city is a big place by definition.
No need to say what city, but the city I am in has many suburbs. I can easily avoid the suburb where my trauma happened and live in the city without needing to go there. (other than to visit my parents, which I do rarely).
Do you have to move to the same part of the city as them?

I did a visualisation exercise with my therapist to prepare for the first time I went to that suburb after a long time of not going. It helped in the sense that I could give myself messages about the here and now, and who I am now, and the automny I have now. (went belly up as it brought up an assault/rape that I hadn't spoken about before...but that's another story).

So what can you do to help you feel safe and grounded in reality as opposed to triggered?

Oh thank you, that is quite eye opening. I don’t want them to actually fear me, or control them, I want them to k ow that they’re bully and I can’t put up with their behavior anymore. I want to feel safe and in control of myself, but the trauma is going on and I lose it in the fear of meeting them. I have to work on my fear and insecurity with the help of a therapist, but i guess it’s the fear of the unknown.
Thanks again for your reply. <3