Trouble grieving

Redxo

New Here
I haven't been on here in a while but last night I had another nightmare and I think this one is going to eat me up for the rest of the week. I've been grieving a loss in my family for a year now. Christmas2020 morning someone died in my family in a really sad way and no one helped him nor did we get Justice due to lack of evidence even though we all knew who was responsible. He was left to die (undressed) in the cold street and it's stuck in my mind every single day. I never got to say goodbye and my family was too sad to put something together after his death. So I had a dream that I was given a chance to say goodbye. Standing over a coffin with him in it I started to pray and cry a little. In that moment his corpse sat up, climbed out of the casket and walked across the room dazed as if he didn't know where he was or how he got there. I froze and stood there in shock the whole room got quiet and no one was paying attention to what was going on but me. I couldn't say anything I tried to scream and I couldn't. I thought can this be some type of horrifying miracle. Is he alive and everyone lied to me? But then he collapsed. The whole room started moving again and I could hear sound. My mother turned around and seen him out of the casket and started screaming. I turn around and ran as fast as I could outside to a confused friend outside and started crying and screaming. I couldn't get out any actual words to explain what I just witnessed and woke up. I'm horrified, my heart is broken, and I don't think I could ever heal from this death. This dream made me feel like I lost him all over again. All of my dreams do. Out of all my traumas this one hurts different. I need help.
 

Elsewhere

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Dear @Redxo, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you’re still in shock. Maybe, given how things transpired, your dream was a subconscious attempt at some kind of closure

Do you have any other family members or friends, especially who knew your loved one, who would be safe to share your grief and shock with, to begin to process this? Maybe being able to talk about it together would help a little. I hope you have some in-person support where you are, as this is a lot to have to handle in isolation
 
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