I have such a hard time trusting people. It's as if I am always looking for triggers and thinking the person is going to do me hard. Sometimes when I think something bad is gonna happen, I can feel myself slipping away and dissociating. Pretty soon I am angry, moody, and assume the absolute worse. They seem very hurt by this but I somehow have gotten triggered and automatically think I am in danger again. My ex was a Narcissistist and he always abused me, for 6 years. Emotionally, Verbally, Mentally, Sexually, every way you can think of. He loved to play mind games with me and ignore me. Sometimes he would be playing mind games with me and confusing me. The one thing I noticed about my ex is that he hated whenever I did anything on my own, it's as if he wanted me to keep my main focus on him. If I ever tried to do anything for myself and not giving him constant attention, he would jump from his computer chair and come over to me, to kiss me, hug me and show me so much affection. However, he did this when he felt like it. Then he would go right back to ignoring me again and pretending I don't even exist. If I ever stood up for myself, I knew he would go right back to punishing me again and guilt trip me until I ended up apologizing to him. Nothing was ever his fault. He was constantly in the right and I was always wrong. About everything. He never liked to admit that he was wrong ever, he would shift the blame onto me. Once I remember crying in his bedroom and he didn't even look up at me to see if I was okay or even ask me why I was crying, he'd just continue to play video games and ignore me. I think I started to notice I was being abused when he would try to get a reaction out of me. He loved to ignore me and not give me any attention, it was always about him. I never got to say a word, ever. If I ever tried to, he would simply ignore me. I was very used to him ignoring me and giving me the silent treatment, it hurt me so much, but I loved him too. I just wanted him to appreciate me, but this never came as much as I wanted it to. By the end of our relationship is when I realized that nothing would ever change and I'm glad things ended because my self-esteem was so low at that point, that I couldn't take any more of it and I broke up with him because he kept ghosting me and disappearing on me. But now it seems like I am so suspicious of people and the motives they have towards me and I hope one day this passes for me. Does anyone else relate to me? If so, can you please tell me your thoughts and experiences with me. I'd like to hear them, thank you.