It is so hard to describe or explain just what it is like to be me
Sometimes I feel invisible, not seen by anyone
Other times I feel this flashing neon sign screaming freak, rape, dirty, trash
Most times I feel misunderstood and just not heard...yes there is noise coming from me, but it is just that- noise
I feel as if my nerve endings are all exposed, raw and painful- subject to being poked and prodded 24/7
I feel like I would love to just crawl out of my skin
The world is so loud- what seems like nothing and most would not really notice is invasive in my and screams threat...unsafe- run and hide
There is a jackhammer continually pounding interspersed with explosions
It is never quiet- never at peace
My body betrays me constantly reliving my attack...it feels as if it happened today
It hurts when there is no current physical reason to hurt
My brain betrays me as it replays my trauma over and over- I see it, I hear my attacker's voice
The words hurt as much today as if the threat currently exists
All this leads me to feel like I am crazy...like I am a freak
Then there are the flashbacks- so out of control- so humiliating, so embarrassed, so hard to explain
I feel so crazy, I feel like such a freak
I am so scared, I am so sad, I'm angry and I hate
I am confused and lost
That is just a taste of what it is like to be me
Sometimes I feel invisible, not seen by anyone
Other times I feel this flashing neon sign screaming freak, rape, dirty, trash
Most times I feel misunderstood and just not heard...yes there is noise coming from me, but it is just that- noise
I feel as if my nerve endings are all exposed, raw and painful- subject to being poked and prodded 24/7
I feel like I would love to just crawl out of my skin
The world is so loud- what seems like nothing and most would not really notice is invasive in my and screams threat...unsafe- run and hide
There is a jackhammer continually pounding interspersed with explosions
It is never quiet- never at peace
My body betrays me constantly reliving my attack...it feels as if it happened today
It hurts when there is no current physical reason to hurt
My brain betrays me as it replays my trauma over and over- I see it, I hear my attacker's voice
The words hurt as much today as if the threat currently exists
All this leads me to feel like I am crazy...like I am a freak
Then there are the flashbacks- so out of control- so humiliating, so embarrassed, so hard to explain
I feel so crazy, I feel like such a freak
I am so scared, I am so sad, I'm angry and I hate
I am confused and lost
That is just a taste of what it is like to be me