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Trying To Change and Fit In - Combat To Civilian Life

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by greentop, Apr 14, 2007.

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  1. greentop

    greentop New Member

    Hello, My name is Brian I suffer with ptsd. 12 yrs in the military most of the time with spec ops. I have seen alot! I have sleeping disorders and at times anger problems. I have start to have anxiety issues now. I see a therapist and am learning how to contorl my fears and deal with my dream (flash backs) and how to be honest with myself. Putting me first instead of last. And many other issues as well...

    I feel like coward.
    I have been in combat and lead men to hell and back and I can't cope with the civilian world. I have been so blessed to have a true friend in my life partner, she and I have alot in common have know each other for 14 yrs now. We both suffer from ptsd. Hers comes from a bad marriage lack of trust and mental and physical abuse. I love her so very much.... I have helped her through her divorce and other problems. Now she is helping me through my this phase of my life. We both have gone back to school, to start new careers. Hooha!!

    I have problems in relationships with trust and betrayal. I hide my feelings and emotions from others and sometimes her. I sometimes lie about my thoughts and feelings so I don't feel like I am a bother to her. This things are cause problems in our relationship. I often feel like I can do anything right. I am trying hard to change to be a better person and just feel like a failure. I was given this site to look at I have never done anything like this before. I hope you don't find me to stupit!

    I am just trying to find other to help me help myself and my wonderful woman
    May we all find peace with ourselves....
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  3. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    welcome to the forum, brian
  4. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member


    Welcome to the forum.

    This is a good place to learn, and to start healing. Glad you found us.
  5. Monarch

    Monarch I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Welcome Brian, sounds like you suppoort each other very well. I have been learning alot at this forum, you just have to ask and people will be glad to share their knowledge.
  6. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

    Welcome to the forum.
    Take care.
  7. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi Brian, welcome to the forum.
    Brian, this is not a weakness, trust me on that. We simply don't know how to adjust from something so abnormal to any human mind, back to what we once knew as "normal" life, which is normal life to everyone who has never been through a combat zone or similar experience.

    What soldiers must come to realize though, and this is a realization, is that we are no longer in those zones, and that is mentally tough to overcome for some time, hence why if you went into a slightly crowded shopping center your eyes would be moving everywhere, viewing every person and the slightest movements for grenades, pistols, etc. The realization for a person is to understand that your no longer in that situation or zone.
  8. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

    Welcome Brian,

    Brian, in case you didn't realize, you've mentioned a dozen different+ very positive things in your life, in addition to your friend/partner and your love for her, and all in just a short intro. post.

    I understand how the feelings from PTSD try and drag us down and depress us. Sounds like your efforts and continued willingness is going to work well for you in your healing. Wish you the best and glad you found the support of this forum. Again, Welcome!

  9. greentop

    greentop New Member

    Thank you all for the support

    I am struggling with keeping my head. I am starting counsoling on next Thursday, I feel like I am a burden to my friend. I want so much for her to understand. But I guess I need to understand first. I am looking for a doctor who doesn't think I am nuts, or am I Ha Ha Ha. Thank you all for all your kind words I am glad I found this site.
  10. willing

    willing Active Member

    Welcome Brian,
    Hope you continue to find strength and support. Sounds like your logical self knows what's the best but the PTSD brain is getting in the way. the story of my life. Good luck in your recovery.
  11. WarHippy1%

    WarHippy1% Active Member

    Just Be Yourself

    Brian, first let me say, "Welcome Home!". Two small words, but to a Veteran with PTSD, sometimes they are the difference between wanting to live and the other. I can relate to not fitting in and I've been trying for 35 years now. How does a warrior find common ground to communicate with a school teacher(to use an example). They can't! You can probably feel what it's like to be a teacher, but there is nobody on this earth that can feel what it's like to use deadly force on a daily basis, except another warrior. You've been trained to survive, and if you're here after 12 years in the military, you'd be my choice to buddy up with during a nuclear holocaust. Having PTSD makes all of us survivors. We'd be waiting along the path for a teacher to walk by, and take his belongings and probably his life too, so we didn't need to look over our shoulder later for payback. So, who is lacking here, you or the teacher? If you are having trouble fitting in, maybe you should find a new group to fit in with, survivors. Find a Veterans Outreach Program(Vet Center), and see if they have a combat group you can go to each week. Other Vets with the same adjustment problems you're facing. Watch how quickly you feel like "one of the boys" when you get around other guys discussing issues that you thought were unique to you. But, above all, remember, you're not "less than" the people around you, you've been trained to be "more than" them. I salute you for your spirit, and for putting yourself in harms way to protect our way of life.
  12. dljwhitewolf

    dljwhitewolf Active Member

    The Crash,,,,,,,,,dec 13th 2000
    The crash, yes i hear the wises ones chuckle
    that sound splitting clash where hand grenade meets glass house...
    God, i love that sound,
    it's life,,,,,,,,,,its freeing,,,,,,,,,,
    they need me, (others with ptsd)
    i them,,,
    though in return i must show my scars,,,,,,,,
    just the thought.
    I hear them calling,,,,,,,,,,,,
    and the applause is deafening
    there is no home alone,,,,,,,,
    and they know i know,,,,,
    and they are waitin
    waitin to set presidence
    waitin for the constructor
    the designer
    the door,
    their waiting for my debut,,
    i just need to find the handle,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
    white wolf
    hope it helps
    and guess what
    i am female
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