Hello to all who read this.
This is my first time being a part of a PTSD group. I’ve been in therapy for two years for C-PTSD. I was abused as a child by a neighbor from when I was 5 until age 9. I kept it secret for 30 years & held tightly onto the shame with all of my might.
I spent years destroying myself with drugs, not really clear as to why I wanted to destroy myself. I suppressed the memories of the abuse. Looking back, idk what I was thinking about it. I feel like part of me was vaguely aware of the abuse (but severely minimized it) but the other part of me wasn’t aware of it at all. I had so much shame inside but didn’t identify where it came from. I felt like I’d been born with it.
After I stopped destroying myself with drugs, I went into therapy & began coming to terms with the fact that the abuse happened & most of all, how deeply it affected me. I’ve now been in therapy for two years. I’ve done some EMDR & parts work. I’m trying to fix the part of my brain that got broken all of those years ago. The part that’s stuck in time…the part that causes me to feel incredible shame & that blames myself & only myself.
I’ve made some progress over these past few years. I’ve begun to feel anger towards my abuser for the first time (instead of just toward myself). At times it feels like uncontrollable rage. But this to me, is progress, because it shows me that my brain is rewiring itself & putting pieces together that hadn’t been put together before.
I wanted to join this group to connect with others who have similar issues, hear others’ stories & give & get support. Mostly, I just want to not feel so alone anymore. I look forward to interacting with & getting to know others in this group!
This is my first time being a part of a PTSD group. I’ve been in therapy for two years for C-PTSD. I was abused as a child by a neighbor from when I was 5 until age 9. I kept it secret for 30 years & held tightly onto the shame with all of my might. I spent years destroying myself with drugs, not really clear as to why I wanted to destroy myself. I suppressed the memories of the abuse. Looking back, idk what I was thinking about it. I feel like part of me was vaguely aware of the abuse (but severely minimized it) but the other part of me wasn’t aware of it at all. I had so much shame inside but didn’t identify where it came from. I felt like I’d been born with it.
After I stopped destroying myself with drugs, I went into therapy & began coming to terms with the fact that the abuse happened & most of all, how deeply it affected me. I’ve now been in therapy for two years. I’ve done some EMDR & parts work. I’m trying to fix the part of my brain that got broken all of those years ago. The part that’s stuck in time…the part that causes me to feel incredible shame & that blames myself & only myself.
I’ve made some progress over these past few years. I’ve begun to feel anger towards my abuser for the first time (instead of just toward myself). At times it feels like uncontrollable rage. But this to me, is progress, because it shows me that my brain is rewiring itself & putting pieces together that hadn’t been put together before.
I wanted to join this group to connect with others who have similar issues, hear others’ stories & give & get support. Mostly, I just want to not feel so alone anymore. I look forward to interacting with & getting to know others in this group!
