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Supporter Trying to make sense of things, partner with ptsd shut down

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I have a male friend that I known for over 25 years. We had a thing 24 years ago and recently got together in July 2018. Recently I told him I loved him. He shut down on me. I felt like he shoved me aside and my emotions got the best of me. But he texts me good morning and good night, I asked him several times if he wanted to stop them and he said,”No”. Why does he need this connection?? Not that I mind but I am trying to understand so I don’t make any more mistakes. I feel I broke his trust by telling I love him and telling him how I felt. He explain that he had PTSD when we got together I was trying to get as much information on it as possible to understand. I feel I failed him.
 
It is painful to tell someone you love them and have them shut down. His response may or may not be PTSD related.

Is he in treatment?

Telling someone you love them isn’t a failure. It’s you stating how you feel. Why do you feel it broke his trust? Did he set some kind of clear boundary that you crossed?

If his shut down and treatment of you is too hard to sustain, it’s ok for you to take space.

As for him, I don’t know if it was PTSD related or not. But, when it comes to PTSD this might help to know: Trauma can make love scary. Love means vulnerability and during trauma, vulnerability means harm. PTSD more or less where the brain and body are stuck in survival mode, as if the trauma is still happening. For me, as a sufferer, closeness and love sometimes feels good and sometimes just feels sh*t scary, even when I want the connection.

Glad you are here, welcome.
 
I have a male friend that I known for over 25 years. We had a thing 24 years ago and recently go...

Thank you. My question is why does he still want to do our good morning and good night texts. I told him I am not leaving him or abandoning him like everyone else has. I feel he needs the connection in our texts to make sure I am still there for him.
 
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Have you asked him why? He’s the one to say why. You and I can guess, but it would just be a guess.

You want to be there for him, he wants that connection... where is the rub for you? Is it confusing because he’s pulled back from other connection but still does the daily texting?
 
Yes that is the confusing part. But I am trying and I guess you are right. I guess I will ask him why ?? I don’t know why I haven’t maybe I am just scared.
 
You sound very black and white, like if he isn’t 1000000000% “in” then it makes no sense to you that he’d want to back off and have less contact. I don’t necessarily see this as a ptsd thing. Many normie relationships have this kind of dynamic.
 
@unicornlover52 Welcome. As @Justmehere suggested, you might start a thread in the supporters section with a bit more information to help others offer their thoughts. You could also add what happened 24 years ago regarding your thing with him. As Justmehere suggested, ask him directly. Only he really knows what he thinks and why.

Remember, you can’t fail him with respect to his PTSD. We may make mistakes out of ignorance being supporters but that isn’t failing them.

Again, welcome, and hope to hear more from you soon. Take care.
 
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