I have my hardest times in the morning. This hasn't always been the case, but I'm am new to PTSD. So my emotions are heightened. I am very unsure of myself and what I'm going through. I have read the cup theory. Although...I don't know how, or if, you can make that block smaller?
But for now... anybody else have/had trouble in the mornings?
Every morning, I get nervous about what I'm gonna do that day. I don't really feel that I know who I am right now (in a self discovery manner), so I'm not really sure what to do with myself. It is really fiercely irritating! My hyper-vigilance is at an 11.
(I was in the in the ad world for years, even when I had to work from home, and that is a grueling job. But I was also a mom to three adopted kids that had special needs, am a mom, even though they are not physically in my house. I have had a battle to fight for decades. On one front for the best idea and job and one on another front to get the care my children needed...and the responses they experienced toward me, because of their trauma. And if you have adopted children with special needs, you know the battle that has to occur. And that doesn't even touch the nucleus trauma of my PTSD)
However, Yesterday I spent a couple of hours listening to an audiobook on PTSD on my back deck. And I felt SO guilty about taking the time to do that.
And, I know that is an illogical thought, but I don't know how to surpass the guilt of spending time on me. And I really would love to find out who I am when i'm making my own rules. So, I'm torn. And it makes the days difficult. And I would love to hear from others on any experiences they may have had and what helped!
Thanks!
But for now... anybody else have/had trouble in the mornings?
Every morning, I get nervous about what I'm gonna do that day. I don't really feel that I know who I am right now (in a self discovery manner), so I'm not really sure what to do with myself. It is really fiercely irritating! My hyper-vigilance is at an 11.
(I was in the in the ad world for years, even when I had to work from home, and that is a grueling job. But I was also a mom to three adopted kids that had special needs, am a mom, even though they are not physically in my house. I have had a battle to fight for decades. On one front for the best idea and job and one on another front to get the care my children needed...and the responses they experienced toward me, because of their trauma. And if you have adopted children with special needs, you know the battle that has to occur. And that doesn't even touch the nucleus trauma of my PTSD)
However, Yesterday I spent a couple of hours listening to an audiobook on PTSD on my back deck. And I felt SO guilty about taking the time to do that.
And, I know that is an illogical thought, but I don't know how to surpass the guilt of spending time on me. And I really would love to find out who I am when i'm making my own rules. So, I'm torn. And it makes the days difficult. And I would love to hear from others on any experiences they may have had and what helped!
Thanks!