Medical ultra sound with wand

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
Are you able to give yourself a bit of a pause on making more plans about it for today if it's too much now? You've done a lot already.

That pause kind of over-extended itself.

I can't seem to bring myself to ask anyone for a ride. If I take the bus, I'm basically investing 2 hours to get there. Much of that is bus time and the rest is getting there early because that's when the bus arrives. It would still save me money because I would just need to uber back. Sigh.

I dissociate, that's the whole point of DID, so shouldn't I just be able to dissociate through the whole thing and not need a med to calm me down?

And should I have really have fallen this far apart? because it hasn't been a stellar week.

Am I going to tell them I have ptsd (fk yes!)?
Am I going to be able to tell them out loud when it comes to the crunch, so they know why I'm silently sobbing to myself, and that under no circumstances should they touch the back of my neck? (Enter bigtime personal trigger issue here)? Hell no! So I'm writing that on a slip of paper, which goes in the handbag, and I'm gonna slip that to the receptionist or the lady with the wand.

Completely illogical but the idea of telling them I have PTSD scares me. Like it will invite mistreatment or something.
 

Sideways

Moderator
Like it will invite mistreatment or something.
Being vulnerable is scary. I totally get that.

For me, when I'm planning ahead for stuff like this, I like to remind myself that there's no way of not being vulnerable in this situation. I will be vulnerable, and there's no way around that.

What can I do, ahead of time, to get as many people on my side as possible? What are the things in this situation that I can control?

You won't be the first, or the last, person to have a bit of a meltdown (if that happens) going through this procedure. But you can control what they know, and what they can do to help.

That may not be telling them you have ptsd. For me? It's crucial. "I have ptsd, I need physical space, please don't try and hug me, tell me what you're doing, tell me how long it will take, tell me where the toilets are, and tell me as soon as I can leave the room."

Giving them context for why I need that information, to me, is part of exercising control over the situation. It's not like it won't be obvious to them I'm having a meltdown, because my meltdowns are pretty obvious. But if I tell them why it's happening, I can help them be part of a solution to my problem, rather than helpless bystanders.

Asking for help is hard, because we don't like being vulnerable. But sometimes, as scary as it is, asking for help reduces our vulnerability in the situation.

Your plan should respond to your needs, and that may mean not telling them.
 

Sues

MyPTSD Pro
You are so strong and brave. And you are not stupid. I have so many fears about doctors, procedures, and dentists (I can't have someone standing over me, especially if I'm laying down). I haven't come close to doing what you're doing. I'm not doing anything- no tests, no doc visits, nothing. I'm too terrified. So yes, you are strong and brave, and no you are not stupid. I am so glad you are here sharing this with us. It helps me to hear about it and is encouraging. I'm sorry that I don't have any advice.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
That pause kind of over-extended itself.
That's ok! Sounds like you needed it.

I can't seem to bring myself to ask anyone for a ride. If I take the bus, I'm basically investing 2 hours to get there. Much of that is bus time and the rest is getting there early because that's when the bus arrives. It would still save me money because I would just need to uber back. Sigh
I get that. It feels like a lot to ask. But, I would wager a big guess that if you asked that friend you were thinking of, they would feel honoured and want to help. People like helping out. It makes them feel good too!

I dissociate, that's the whole point of DID, so shouldn't I just be able to dissociate through the whole thing and not need a med to calm me down?
Yeah, like when will these symptoms actually work in our favour!
I didn't disassociate at all in my last pap. I just held it together enough to get home and then freaked out. If taking a sedative helps a little with the procedure, then it might br worth it? Is it any medication that would make you feel vulnerable or just a sedative? Because if you could take something else to keep you alert but calm, would that work?

And should I have really have fallen this far apart? because it hasn't been a stellar week.
There are no shoulds.
But there are totally understandable reactions. This is a big deal. You're dealing with medical uncertainty , needing an invasive procedure, as a trans person with a trauma history. What would you say to someone else going through this?


They know you are trans, so that alone should alert them to the fact that this procedure could be problematic and triggering for you. That could be enough information for them if you don't want to give any more information?
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
I don't give out enough support
I felt really supported by you recently when going through my body’s emotional breakdown.

I think you are being super brave to do it anyway. When I went to the urgent care and had to get the Covid sinus test and shot in my butt each time I told them I was super scared and I screamed when they gave me the Covid test each nostril. And the nurse had to explain to everyone why I was screaming and I kept crying saying, “I’m sorry I couldn’t control myself,” and they assured me it was fine and when she gave me the shot I about jumped out of my skin. I said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t hold still,” and the nurse kept saying, “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” I guess I was brave for doing those things when it’s so hard for me. I have to go to the doctor today and I’m going to ask for blood panel. I don’t know how I will get through it. They might give me another shot too. I hope I don’t scream or jump. Maybe a weighted jacket might help me. Maybe a weighted stuffed animal.

Doing something hard when you don’t want to or when you are scared is definitely brave. Nothing you have said is stupid. You are trying to solve all your problems with very little help from others which is hard and brave. I’m glad you are reaching out because that’s very brave too.
 

that_1_girl

Confident
I tried to reply to you a couple of times but idk what happened to my comments. Just wanted to say if it’s my thread about gyn exams that you are referring to, I’m cisgender female myself but have had many transgender friends in my life and am an ally so you are most definitely welcome on that thread as far as I am concerned. Also I do not think you are attention seeking at all, few people with PTSD/CPTSD are, imho that’s just something we are told to shut us up and make others more comfortable. And unfortunately a lot of people with PTSD (myself included) have internalized it. So you’re very welcome here and you’re heard and appreciated on my thread and on your own and this whole forum is intended as a safe space for all people with PTSD regardless of demographics.
🤝
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
I recently had uterine cancer and had to have this test. I went and the tech let me insert the wand myself. That was it for me, ever other exam had to be with conscious sedation or done during general anesthesia. It's ok to need this. You didn't cause this reaction. It is not attention seeking or anything related to it. You deserve to have your needs met while getting this done!!! It will take longer and you will need a driver and a day to recover, but you won't have to recover from being horribly triggered. Have you considered medical transportation?
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you all for your support. It went ok. I used the med. I took the bus to get there ad than took an uber home. The person who did the scan was nice and let me put the wand in myself. It was hard but I did it

the results came back normal, which is good if frustrating news.

I really do appreciate all the support.
 
Top