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Uncertain...how to get myself back

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Kaylove498

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Things have been very normal lately nothing out of the ordinary no extra stress just my usual stressors.

I honestly can't get rid of this numb feeling though. I'm use to being detached from myself and everyone around me. The hardest part has been looking at friends and family and feeling so unfamiliar with them.

I get told it's because I'm older now and people and relationships change. This didn't feel like that though this is more of a feeling of emptiness and loneliness.

Even if I'm in a room filled with people closest to me I still feel this dread of emptiness. I've also found myself questioning things again.

One of the biggest questions that didn't scare me but does is how little I actually know the people around me.

I've had alot of people leave me since I've been dealing with the severe anxiety and depression and dpdr so maybe that's why I'm uncertain about my relationship with people.

I've tried to reconnect with myself and others like my therapist suggested but I can't seem to put any emotions towards any relationships whether it's family friend or spouse.

I feel very lost and confused. I spent months being scared of everything I wouldn't even go into a store alone because my panic attacks got so bad. Now I'm just numb emotionally mentally physically numb.

I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I know I could take antidepressants but all the ones I've tried have all made me numb emotionally so I'm not sure if they would fix how I'm feeling.

I just want me back. I want to stop obsessing over the way I feel or think I want to feel emotions again. The only time I seem to feel emotions is when I'm watching a sappy movie or video. Even then one of two things happen I become more numb or I burst into tears and want to cry for an hour.

I also feel unsure about how to get rid of my stressors. Where I live is fairly stressful but I can't exactly just up and leave. I love everyone around me but I still get overwhelmed.
 
I'm just not sure what to do anymore.
Have you ever done a PHP (partial hospitalization program) or an IOP (intensive outpatient program)?

It sounds like you could really benefit from some daily structure, in terms of self-care/wellness, and those kinds of programs can be awfully good for jump-starting that.
 
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