Uncovering More About Triggers And Uncertain What To Do About It

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Don't trip

Confident
I'm really struggling right now..

This last weekend, I was exposed to a Narcissists smear campaign in the form of my son's boyfriend. He was staying with us for awhile, until he could get work. He told me he was diagnosed Narcissist already, but I gave the benefit of the doubt (BIG MISTAKE) because it was my son's choice in partners.

While he was here, he was abusive to my dog. He would do things, that at first I thought were not intentional, however, when I continued to tell him to STOP, he continued and it escalated to the point where this last weekend, he raged at me. I yelled back at him as he had my dog in his arms and my dog was flailing about, wanting to be free. He has a serious back issue and one wrong move could mean paralysis for him (my dog). If you are a pet lover, it won't be hard to understand that to me, pets are like family. I have had this dog for eight years and have put out hundreds in vet bills and tons of love, given and returned unconditionally. He has been worth every penny to me.

After this 'rage' attack, he took my son for a walk, as my son was very upset as well and had told him to put the dog down. When they got back my son put something on his facebook indicating that Mr. Wonderful (the bf) was going to leave. I responded to this in anger because I knew what the BF was doing. He had already been planning to leave my son, unbeknownst to him, but information I had because he sat his butt here all day talking to his friends and family 'back home' where he grew up. I figured it was none of my business so I did not inform my son about what was going on. Anyway, seeing my son's thread, I was instantly angry that this jerk was hurting my child. I know, I know...

So I said, "Really? Over a dog? How convenient!" My daughter responded, "quite obviously this is NOT about the dog". That's all that was said. The next day, bf told me he had read the thread and had responded to it (he was being very nice), and I said fine, I'll read it shortly and we were chatting about various things, etc. I get on the computer and started to read...OMG...I came completely unglued. On that thread he called me 'emotionally abusive' and then proceeded to exploit by sharing all of my behaviors and how my son's were 'too afraid' to tell me what was wrong. It was BAD, BAD stuff, exposed to hundreds on his friend's list. I looked at him standing there as I read this and said, "Emotionally abusive, REALLY BF???" He began to RAGE at me again, telling me I was abusive to my son's and that HE is hurt watching THEM get hurt, and he just couldn't take it anymore. Disordered ones are fantabulous as taking a seed of truth and twisting it into something that benefits them. The height of exploitive behavior. Overlooking his DIAGNOSIS as a narcissist, I shared with him, during sharing of personal life stories, my PTSD and past abuse. Big mistake...

When I read that, I felt catapulted back into my trauma. He knew I would react and it was bait. He knew. I didn't stop to think about it at all. I just continued to react. I felt extremely frightened, very betrayed (by my sons) lied too, etc. I threw him out of my house.

This is exactly what he wanted. It gave him the justification he wanted, to go back home, so he didn't have to have to balls to tell my son what he was doing and why. He used me to exploit, to justify his own shady and shitty behavior. I have upset my son's greatly, because they had NO idea what was going on. My son's bf didn't bother to call him and tell him that he was out and why, but on Facebook he kept saying how he was crying all the way there and would even consider coming back but that things needed to change. I told him to f*ck off. I knew what he was doing and when his friend picked him up, he was OVERJOYED. He had no guilt, remorse or anything towards me. He had the same look on his face that all of my abusers have had: Completely satisfaction at having caused pain.

That has not happened to me in two years. I've had some minor 'fender benders' with my PTSD, but nothing like this because I have not been exposed to abuse. In retrospect, all of his behaviors make sense to me. I should have listened to that intuitive voice that said, "DON'T do it, DON"t let him stay'.

UGH!

I'm ashamed of my behavior too. I immediately believed all this little narc told me and had written about my son's thinking this way about me. I knew the bf was writing stuff to my kids behind my back and I suspected there was a remote tracker on my computer. I hacked into my son's fb and found messages from this little prick that were bordering on emotionally dangerous in nature, telling my son to pack his things, stay safe and that I was 'determined' to abandon them. OMG...I could not believe it. I copied and pasted this message and sent it to the bf and warned him that if he contacts my son or me again, I will be contacting the authorities, as well as about the tracker on my computer. And I would do it too.

My son told him to STOP sending messages to me or my other son. So far, nothing else.

I told my son the truth about hacking into his fb. I freaked out on them in telling them that they needed to come to ME if they felt this way. My son that was targeted with the messages, started to cry. He was so confused he had NO idea what was going on, never having seen the messages. My other son, said nothing. I was so angry, then completely despairing, all in an hour of intensity deriving from the past 48 at that point of further threats and stalking by this individual. It was a replica of the abuse I had taken.

I apologized to my son's, but the trust, for me, and for them was damaged. I HATE the my son's were hurt, but both for differing reasons.

My son is choosing to stay involved with this asshole, overlooking everything he's done. The asshole is now in another town, 'flowering' his FAKE feelings and speech with my son in how he's going to get a job and save up money to move back here. He's full of SHIAT! My son is being used as a 'utility' until this jerk can find someone else. I have NO DOUBT. He is due to go for his first visit with him in two weeks. I hope and pray, not for my son's pain, but that this jerk shows his true colors on his own turf and that my son will see it. I know he will be hurt. This part of it KILLS me, but I can't control it.

It's amazing the damage a disordered one can do in an extremely short period of time.

I'm somewhat of a perfectionist. I've been struggling with my weaknesses that are beginning to really come to the surface. I'm finding that I go into overwhelm very easily with others around and I do so with authority figures as well. I feel like I have to be 'fake' and cannot be myself while trying to adjust to what I think others want me to be. I see this direct line to my childhood abuse.

There is alot more, but this particular trigger showed me how far I have to go in recovery, that I might need to accept weaknesses and limitations that I did not want too before, but become obvious, even when I deny them, as I decompensate. It doesn't matter what situation.

Right now, I'm in 'hiding" i do not want to venture out, even though I went to the store with my son yesterday. I'm depressed, confused and got a nasty introduction into how PTSD can affect you when you least expect it.

I feel incredibly alone. MY son's try to understand PTSD, but they don't live it. I live in constant fear of exploitation. I have been exploited all of my life, from childhood in a myriad of ways. I have made remarkable improvements the last two years, and now I sit here feeling as if I did nothing at all except to deny I have limitations. I don't know how to handle those limitations, as I have them with my health too.

I filed for Social Security Income, but I don't think I'll get it because I can move, function and go to the store or to do laundry. But when it comes to going to my doctor, specialists, work, dealing with anyone viewed as authority, I either react defensively or fold like a lawn chair.

This is VERY, VERY, VERY frustrating for me. It's embarrassing, shameful and extremely upsetting.

I feel almost new to this now. I strive for perfection, to overcome this crap. I'm pissed off because I see others who get beyond it, or at least make it to management and I've pontificated over and over about how I'm able to do the same, only to realize it ain't THAT easy, is it?

I don't know what to do. I have no income now, as my youngest son moved out and my state grant given due to my disability is over. I'm going to voc rehab, but I face this new dilemma as well as surgery in may. MY disability claim isn't going to happen for a very long time, if ever.

I don't know how to survive. This isnt' like me. I had not stopped long enough to think about any limitations except BRIEFLY and only as a stumbling block, but ignoring them or pretending they don't affect me I've realized, is totally self defeating. I wanted to get past the mental health 'stigma' of PTSD. There is no way i could work or see a doctor or anything else without telling them I have it because of my triggers.

Any suggestions, advice, comfort, feedback? I'm really scared now.
 

journey31

Confident
All I can say from personal experience is the more you try to push him away from the boyfriend (bf), the more he will cling.

Don't welcome him with open arms, but don't try to make him break up. He won't until he decides.

When you tell him how bad he is he gets defensive and wants to defend him. Let him step back and see.
 

Tribulations

Confident
People like your sons boyfriend are almost impossible to deal with. I know you want nothing but to support your son and the best for him. However, he may just have to learn this one on his own. I was in your son's shoes at one point, my previous girlfriend was toxic, just bad times all around. Did I listen to people like friends and family? No. Did I inevitably learn? Yes. Am I still here today and a better person for going through that crap? Yes. That experience taught me a whole lot.

I feel for you I really do, but this one is his battle. He has to go through it himself, that is his choice. The thing you can do is to be there for him when it bites him in the butt. You can support him until the world ends but only if he is open to it. He doesn't seem to be from what I have read and that is unfortunate. You have done what a good mother would do, you are trying to protect your child. Don't beat yourself up, you've done what you can, he knows good and well what could happen. So don't stress too much, I know easier said than done.

I am homosexual myself, and to be honest his true colors will shine through soon enough. Things like that catch like a wild fire in our community. He seems to be "drinking a gallon of turpentine and pissing on a brush fire", all will be revealed with time.

Facebook is a very easy way for people like that to exploit other's vulnerabilities. I personally am not a social networking fan, but to each is their own. I don't like people handling my very personal data (identity, home, jobs, etc.), also it just seems like a crap storm just waiting to happen. I do have one but hardly ever use it, if my friends and family want to contact me they have my email, and phone number. It's not my cup of tea, but if it is yours then just be cautious of what and who you post about. Only because some people like your son's boyfriend are a-holes, and that is unfortunate.

I wish you all the best and send some positive vibes your way.
 

Tribulations

Confident
Oh and as far as social security is concerned, I have a thread open if you want to check it out. There is a lot of good information there. I was also referred to a representation company in that thread, the company name is Allsup. I did the online form last night, so I will let you know if it goes well. I did some research after getting 2 references in my thread, they seem to be very legitimate. Hope this helps some.
 

Don't trip

Confident
Tribulations,

Your post has been invaluable to me. I fully accept and embrace my son's homosexuality. I support him fully. A friend of mine who has several gay male friends too, shared with me that "I don't have anything against gays at all, but their relationships are different in that you'll have more drama in the first year of those relationships then in 10 in a heterosexual relationship!"

I don't know if that is true or not, buy I do see disorder just as much there as in the hetero community. My son is highly empathic. very sensitive to the feelings of others. I worry because he is an open target. I see some things about himself that mean he is insecure, despite his wonderful and beautiful qualities.

I know I can't 'fix' this, but I admit to feeling very triggered by the boyfriend and have boundaries of no contact with him, as well as on behalf of my younger son to protect him and myself.

I know my son has to find his own way, but as a parent, it's so hard to watch them get hurt. I need to find a way to detach so that my son can learn what he needs to on his path and when it falls apart, support and be there for him. I just WISH it didn't have to be. I hate seeing my children in pain.

Thank you for sharing your feedback Tribulation. It means so much to me and I greatly appreciate it. :) Oh and also for the following post about social security! I'll try to find it. Thank you again. :)
 

Tribulations

Confident
There is definitely drama in our relationships (what relationship doesn't lol), but a lot of our community has other issues with plenty of adversity. I think some of the damage of that adversity we face in life puts more stress on relationships. Other than that though I don't see too much of a difference between hetero or not. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years (This October), we have had our issues but having Ptsd doesn't help. We have worked through a lot and continue to. I have plenty of gay male friends who are in stable, long term relationships as well. I also have some who are in horrid relationships or go with the one night stand deal, same with my fellow lesbian friends. So I honestly think it is all about the individuals in the relationship.

Since you're most likely going to have to suck this one up, try to find what your son sees in his boyfriend that is beautiful. Find out why he likes/loves him, if he can't tell you anything worth substance at least the gears will start going for him. If that makes any sense. I wish you didn't have to go through this, and if I were your son and my partner ever yelled at you like that.... boy oh boy. That is completely unacceptable, period.

It is good you're admitting to having stressors and triggers, because now you realize it you can start breaking it down and sorting it out. Easier said than done, trust me I know lol. I tend to get frazzled but when the waves calm down I can see through the water clearly. I think you should sit down and talk to your son, tell him you love him and although you don't agree with a lot of his boyfriend's actions you love him enough to accept his decision and support him. Also let him know you will be there regardless of the end result. I'm sure he already knows this but sometimes a kid needs to hear it.

Your son is a good soul, he will figure it out eventually. If he is insecure maybe find out what makes him insecure? If his confidence being low is allowing him to be manipulated that isn't good. Every caring empathetic person has a breaking point, even my partner/supporter has given me a good telling off when she's had it and I darned well deserve it by my negative actions/words. So he will put his foot down when it is time.

It is good you're letting this out here, any positive release of stress will help you cope with this hard time better. I am glad my feedback made you feel better, and always glad to help a fellow member. You'll get through this, and as others have told me. Breathe.
 

Don't trip

Confident
Tribulations.

Thanks so much! I almost feel 'normal' with my responses and a very 'abnormal' disorder with PTSD lol! If that makes sense.

Thanks for clarifying more for me, the community. I apologize if I sound ignorant about the gay community. I think in many ways I AM, but try to understand. I have gay friends who are in stable relationships too, one couple I know has four adopted children and they are WONDERFUL men. I love them. They have been together for 25 years! I hope our state legalizes gay marriage so they can finally tie the knot, but I have been angry more than once for the obstacles they face raising their children in a community who isn't so friendly about their relationship status or orientation. I fear for my son sometimes. He is very comfortable in his skin with regards to his sexuality and showing affection TO bf (Bf rarely complies, he's like having a pet rock), but when we've been out shopping or whatever, the looks of absolute disgust frighten me for him. There are some people out there who do not like gays and wouldn't mind beating him up. UGH! Anyway, I try NOT to worry, but being a Mom, i guess that's inevitable.

Thanks for the advice. I'll take that approach. And ask the questions to get the ball rolling in his head.

The bf targeted my PTSD and abuse trauma. I'm still reeling from that, so I can't make decisions about him except total NC. I just won't play with the disordered.

I've had to do a lot of processing what happened and the effect it's had on me and my PTSD. Not all is lost, I might be knocked down a day or two, but inevitably, I get back up and fight back. This time though, I'm more aware of my own behaviors that need to change. I'm also much more aware of my limitations. This is a huge issue for me and something I'll be discussing with my therapist this next week. I need to learn to be more assertive, but appropriately. I tend to swing from passive aggressive (fear of saying how I feel or standing up for myself) to aggressive (Understanding that I need to advocate for myself but going overboard, understanding that I need to share what I'm feeling but not being respectful when I do and it's always with a trigger). I tend to black and white thinking, the source of pathology in my FOO and residual in my life. This is very frustrating for me. I have an extremely distorted perspective of authority figures and therefore, I either adopt a defensive or offensive position. Coming from this perspective, my behaviors make sense and I see how they tie into my abuse issues.

Tribulation, the thing I have most trouble with is the limitations part. May I ask if you've been able to define and clarify this for yourself with regards to employment, relationships, and sharing your feelings with others? I have yet to read the entire thread about SSI, but I have filed for it last March and it's only at the reconsideration stage right now and I'm amidst process with regards to my health and spine issues. I haven't been honest with myself, therefore, dishonest with everyone else about how disabling my PTSD is. I am a perfectionist, and I keep fighting all of it, feeling I am aware and don't want the label applied to me. I want to be normal. This applies to anything I decide to do to move forward. For example, I have attempted school many, many times. I'm all passionate about it and excited, and I'm relatively bright with a high GPA, but I decompensate. I can't call it boredom. I sabotage it or I am so overwhelmed by the stress of school that I don't speak up and I wind up dropping. Then I wind up appealing, with the same gusto, then a stressor occurs and I decompensate then shut down. I ignore and overlook my health and mental health.

Last time I dropped from school, I continued into it eight months, very sick with undiagnosed PTSD, and autoimmune. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I thought it was psychosomatic. I have been seen by abusive doctors in the past who diagnosed my symptoms as "all in my head'. I finally saw a physician who diagnosed me correctly, but that was YEARS into symptoms. While I see my doctor once a month for med refills, up until I was very sick, I lied and told her I was 'fine'. I have done this in therapy too. Pushing myself to the limits. Going places, doing this before I was ready to do them. Before I was prepared to do them. I've read story after story about those who conquered their PTSD and that all it takes is just a CHOICE to just change behaviors and then Ouila! You're cured! Because of this behavior, twice it nearly cost me my life with my health. It's cost me in that now expectations are that I can do anything I set my mind too. My therapist told me that my recovery has been a 'miraculous' one in how fast and far I have come in just over a year.

Now I know what my limitations are. I'm no longer the 'star' patient or client. My fear is that saying I have limitations means stumbling block in my mind. Failure and weakness. When I dare to challenge my limitations, I decompensate.

Does this at all sound familiar to you? Anyway, that's what happened with this disordered bf. I can't do abuse. At all. Not even a little bit. I can't do raised voices. I can't do aggressive behavior. I can't do manipulation, verbal/emotional abuse. I could never take this out of an employer who is automatically an authority figure. I become someone else, that they'll like me, accept me, rather than just being me. I do the same with my doctors and told my therapist this last week i was doing it with her, but she already knew lol! anyway..

How do I go to voc rehab...directionless? I don't know what's going on with my spine yet, I know what I have, but I don't know how extensive the damage yet. I know I need a tri level cervical spinal surgery and now it has begun in my lower back too. I know I have to autoimmune that are in remission now, but there is no cure for them. Then there is the PTSD. Kinda hard to say..."Ya know, I really want to work, my limitations involve environmental factors, including but not limited too, authority figures." Somehow, I don't think that will put me in line for employment. The stories I've read about those with PTSD working in places with vicious bosses and coworkers where gossip and drama reigns supreme, I simply could not do. I'd fold like a lawn chair or have a reaction that is way out of proportion to the situation.

Thanks for reading, Trib. It does help a lot to vent and have feedback. I appreciate your sharing very much and it has been a real help to me right now. :)
 

Tribulations

Confident
I unfortunately cannot relate to school or college/university. I was never given the chance to graduate, and since then have been picking up the remains. My father really screwed me royally at that point in my life. I was first chair in advanced orchestra, self taught in advanced placement/gifted classes, and was doing web design/development and management as job since 15 or so. Now I have no diploma or ged so.... school is a very distant thought for me. So the only thing I can say when you feel the sabotage coming on, is to stop, think, and realize how much people like myself would give so much to learn and get proper credentials. I love to learn so much and my heart breaks when I realize that all of the knowledge in this little head of mine will never amount to anything. I have wanted to do things to change the world, unfortunately without proper education and certifications/credentials it really isn't possible. My girlfriend gets so mad at the world because she says I have such a brilliant mind and yada yada. I tell myself, if I was so smart then why don't I have my ged? Lol I suck at math, that's why.

Normal? What the hell is that? Lol sorry, had to lighten it up. Normal that word is a thorn in my side, then again why be normal when you can be unique? I have to tell myself that a lot, sometimes it helps. Normal is bittersweet to me. On one hand I would like to be normal because life is so much easier, but on the other hand being unique gives me a perspective normal people will never have. Sometimes it is good to be outside of that box, if that makes sense. However I am still trying to find that balance between normal and unique, I too have a black and white mentality. It is very hard to see middle ground for me, I am either open or shut down. I have gotten a little better since, but it is still a continuous stuggle.

Choice, now that's a tough one for me to explain my perspective on. I don't see it as a choice to be normal, but a choice to do what proactive things I can do to help myself with this. Whenever I took the I want to be normal approach I found that I was so focused on the want and going through the motions. Just because you play the game doesn't mean you learn the rules, I guess is the best way to say it. Now I focus on what I can do to be me in this normal world. The fact is my trauma was done so young and frequently so I know I will never be normal.

You can only work at your pace, and try your hardest not to be ashamed of it. As a perfectionist too, that is so incredibly hard to do. One of the reasons I was reluctant to apply for social security was because of this. I felt I needed to be stronger and accepting that help was weak. People on the forum helped me realize that it is okay, and I'm okay with it now.

My pace right now is slow, I don't go outside, have a job, etc. I am working on getting back to good though. When I was younger (not that long ago lol), I was in a good spot. Good job, social, and all around that person who lit up the room. Now I am a hidden rock/pillar for my closest friends, don't have a job, and don't go out. However regardless of my pace I know in my heart this is what works for me right now.

I do what I can to break the limitations, I push myself but stay aware of what I can do. That really sucks about the medical stuff, the only thing I can say to that is research what you can and keep track. Don't be afraid to ask questions either, but also understand medical things like that have tests etc., and those take time. You can't rush it, so might as well work on what you can while you wait to find out you know?

Authority figures, yeah.... no. I haven't had a therapist since I had a say in it, and have self taught/helped myself. It was going good until I just couldn't handle it anymore, it's a lot to handle at a young age. As far as other authority figures, we don't play well. I have a lot of issues with authority due to my trauma.

I'm not saying for you to like, communicate or whatever to your son's boyfriend. However if you can see some of the good aspects of him (if any) then you will be more at peace. The more you focus on the negative the more it surrounds you and makes things harder. Easier said than done but any positivity will help. Personally I think there needs to be boundaries set by you and your son, and his boyfriend needs to be well aware of them. I think there needs to be a middle/equal/fair ground, where all parties involved are well aware of the action plan.

I am happy that you are venting and happy to help you feel better about this whole mess. When I am super stressed I drink some tea, peppermint, chamomile, and earl grey are my favorites. It makes me feel better, and it's healthy. I also snuggle with my dogs, my american pitbull terrier is my baby. She is so loving, they are so misunderstood, we relate lol. Try to keep your mind busy, it helps me a lot. I do a lot of cooking and crafts, which is hilarious because I'm the masculine one in our relationship lol!

Other than that I have been using grounding techniques shared by a member here and it has helped a lot. It is called the 5 4 3 2 1 game. There is also a color exercise but I cannot remember the name of it. I don't want to say who because I don't want to overstep boundaries and possibly upset them. I'm sure you can find it on the forum though.

It is basically count/recognize 5 different things with all 5 senses. The color one is pick a color and count objects that are that color. If I did it now, for example it would be black, guitar 1, bookbag 2, shoe box 3, tv 4, etc. Still search for the original though it explains it better. I just don't want to violate trust from this person. This person is a good person who I value much even knowing them for so short of a time.

Sorry for my novel and please let me know if I missed something or can clarify more about something. I have a hard time retaining things these days, mental blocks grrrr.

Oh and by the by don't feel bad about being ignorant, at least you're not stupid. Ignorance can be taught, stupidity cannot. At least you're trying to learn, that is my point. I personally embrace ignorance, I do not tolerate stupidity. Ignorance isn't intentional, stupidity is intentional. That's just my take though.

I hope you feel better and am glad you are sharing/venting and happy that I can help even if it is just a little. Have a wonderful night.
 

Don't trip

Confident
Trib,

Thanks so much for your response. It does help.

It's a lot for me to ponder.

One of the things in your post that had me smiling was about your dog. I have a wiener. My life would be completely lost without him. It's amazing what our pets can be to us. I do believe they have little souls. I love him more than I could possibly tell you. He provides unconditional love.

And is the silliest thing. He has a back condition familiar to Wieners and other breeds called IVDD. It's a disc disease in dogs.

My boy was paralyzed at age 3 from a disc herniation. After over a thousand dollars and several vet consults that told me he would either need a $5000.00 surgery with no guarantees or to be put down, I finally found a vet who had an alternative and was willing to stay the course with him. Crate rest for eight weeks and massive meds to keep him doped so he wouldn't move. Six weeks later, he was beginning to heal as he was in his crate one day and saw my other wiener chasing a tennis ball, lol! He jumped out of his crate and crawled with his front paws, peeing all over the floor to get there. I knew then he would eventually be okay. His ability to walk was restored and he has a limp on his back leg, but the vet told us he has two discs that are vulnerable to rupture. I have meds just in case, but if one of them goes, it's in a spot where he will need to be immediately put to sleep because it's in an area that would affect his respiratory system.

I wouldn't want him to suffer. He is eight now and this past year has been hard for him, with a couple of close calls. I can't imagine my life without him. When he starts to drag his back legs, it's slug down the meds with a hot dog and back in the crate. I cry and cry, praying that now isn't the time.

He's all I have left that I know,without doubt, loves me. I know that sounds weird. Let it be so. For someone with an abuse history and a ton of abandonment issues, my dog has always been there. I dread the day that I have to put him down. DREAD it.

I think for abuse victims, animals have very special meaning and we become very close to our pets. They are our children and our family.

Do you know what I mean? :)
 

Tribulations

Confident
Sorry about the novel lol. Kind of went all out in that reply.

I totally get you, I have 2 dogs. My boy and my girl, my boy will be 13 this year and my girl will be 1. Boy is a rat terrier mix, girl is a pitbull (true one not bully/mixed). Anyway my boy has seizures, bad ones, he drools on himself and it is just heart wrenching for me. He has been with me since I was 16. I owe him my life, quite literally he has been my rock for years. He is also my first real dog, so when he goes.... I fear I will fall apart. So I get the dreading part. The veterinarians couldn't find out why he was having seizures, on a whim the other day we gave him some sugar cubes when he seized. He stopped super quickly, he seized again a day later, sugar cubes, stopped seizing. So we think he is diabetic/hypoglycemic.

My girl is a big baby, you can put a tiny piece of food on your lips, and she will gently take it from you. She's still a puppy though, and as strange as it is I feel more connected/bonded with her. Probably because I have had her since she was 2 weeks or less old. The guy who sold her to us lied about her age, and upon researching puppy development it was very apparent. Still best 75 bucks ever spent at a gas station, she's my little (lol big) girl.

Your poor weiner pup, that is really sad. Is this the same one said boyfriend picked up? If so, that bastard is sick just sick. I am going to assume he knew the dog had back issues and still held it risking it flailing around and possibly hurting itself fatally. That is just wrong, they are such innocent, loving, and precious beings. I don't understand how people can do that. We humans can at least talk and express ourselves and discomfort or fears. They can't, and people assume they are mean when they are either hurting or scared. Then they get put down, or thrown away etc. That makes me so angry my piss boils.

I love animals and I agree for those of us abused, they provide that unconditional love to help fill the void in our hearts. They give us hope, they do not judge, they know nothing but to love you and make you happy. That's why I hate that people say pitbulls are bad dogs, it's a load of crap. They don't get born wanting to attack people, their humans teach them those traits or bring the more instinctual side out of them which isn't their fault. Or people crop their ears and tails to make them look mean. It is so pointless, stupid, and cruel. My girl never got cropped that is just mean and stupid.

As I am typing this she is lying on my feet, crashed out, happy as a clam. The boy is grumpy so he lies on the couch lol, grumpy old man. They are our everything, I am hoping the next place we move to has a nice yard. So she can play freely and he can sunbathe. I wish I could keep them forever (living), but unfortunately we know that cannot be.
 
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