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Underplaying/hiding your knowledge

Discussion in 'Treatment & Therapy' started by 0smile0, Jun 14, 2018.

  1. 0smile0

    0smile0 Member

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    I am by no means an expert of the lit but I have read a few things on cptsd ptsd and general development stuff. So I know the general story of the theory. However I have never told my T any of this stuff and I am not so sure why...
    I asked her to lend me a book and then we mentioned it and talked about it but she just went on on one and in my head I am know this. I know I know I know. I managed to say oh I studied ptsd for a course and then she started talking about cptsd and it really annoyed me. I have a strong aversion to being told something I already know. We are starting to get in to parts work and I can see her trying to introduce me to the idea of talking to different elements of myself or parts and I found it difficult because I regress in age when that stuff comes up but then in my head I am like yes I get it and what you are proposing isn't wacky it makes sense. But of course she thinks I dont know about this stuff.
     
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  3. barefoot

    barefoot I'm a VIP Premium Member Donated

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    I’m not sure what sort of replies you’re looking for here. Is it that you’re wanting a discussion because you’re wondering why you find it difficult to tell your T what you know? Or you’re wondering why you get annoyed with your T about this stuff? Or you’re looking for suggestions as to how to reveal more to your T? Or...?

    It sounds to me that you are setting your T up a bit (not necessarily consciously - I don’t mean you are doing it on purpose or with any ill intent) Because, on the one hand:

    While on the other:

    So, you don’t tell her what you know/that you know something about the topic.
    She then tells you about it and explains stuff.
    You then feel annoyed with her because she is telling you what you already know, which is something you particularly dislike.
    And then this repeats with the next topic that crops up.

    Are you happy to continue with this pattern or would you like it to change?
     
  4. grit

    grit Active Member

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    I think I can relate to you. I am in therapy school so of course I have some information about therapy process and PTDS and I can relate to your annoyance because my last therapist basically told me talking about information and knowledge was resistance. I dumped her.
    I can relate to you but I do not know what you are looking for but this is how knowing the process of therapy and theories is helping me heal GREATLY.

    First, therapy is a long process so if you want to talk about information, the therapist should allow that. If they do not and want you to act like you have no clue and this makes them (maybe) feel they have more information, perhaps think about the relationship.
    For me the greatest thing was recognizing when I just got out of transference and I put myself to recognize this faster and faster. I also told my therapist, I want to know what triggers me to fall into deep and negative transference so I am watching myself. This strengthens my ego and makes me super conscious and here and now. I have severe dissociation.

    another thing I do due my knowledge is knowing when I use negative defense. Watch I said negative defense not just defense. I do not believe all defenses are bad. All defenses are good and bad. So when I do projection, I acknowledge it to the therapist. this is how I learn things. When I know I projected bad parts of mine, state of effect, or my past to the therapist, I acknowledge and I apologize if it was rude...but I am happy to know when I do it cause trust me, I cannot do it over and over when I recognize it.

    I even caught myself using projection identification one time. Basically, I caught myself trying to make the therapist angrier than me so I could feel I am defenseless not the attacker (as I was acting out). I also caught that I identify with the aggressor, my mother and I hated this part of me and never wanted to own it...watch the word hate I threw in there...I also noticed that was core issue.

    Information for PTSD is powerful. If you are lucky, find a therapist that will allow you to keep track of your own progress. I do most of my processing outside therapy cause I need more time and my own space.

    Also my knowledge made me 100% not blame the therapist for my issues. I am super aware how bad I can get in safe space and want to always ensure my transference is mine not the therapist running couple minutes late or canceling...I feel it and I contain it and I am like oooh wow!!!!!!!! The therapist relationship is just alliance to give me space. I am not taking him as my mother or father or sister because honestly, I could act the same way with another therapist so I know it is my issue and my contribution that is making me feel somatic and dissociated.

    Hope this note helps you in your healing.
    .
     
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