Understanding own needs by seeing an example of a healthy father-daughter relationship

I was watching the Hormoniums episode of Bob's Burgers, and the discussion between Tina and her dad inspired me in a new way. I wanted to share this in case it helps others to hear/read the dialogue too (especially in the context of "rescripting" or "rewriting" bad memories). Listening to this interaction reminded me of what a healthy father-daughter relationship looks like. I've highlighted the parts Bob (the dad) says that I wish my father would have said to me when I was upset as a child/teenager going through neglect, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse.

Bob (dad): Look, you're obviously upset. Is it about your puberty show?
Tina: Kinda.
Bob: Do you wanna tell me about it?
Tina: Okay. But if I tell you then I'm telling another kids secret. Do you swear not to tell?
Bob: I think so, as long as its not murder
Tina: It's not
Bob: Good
Tina: Well, theres gonna be 45 minutes to spin the bottle at Jocelyn's party...but I got uninvited because now I'm Mona Nucleousis, the face of anti-kissing!
Bob: Oh - that sounds bad, yeah
Tina: And Mr. Frond told me I could be the new permanent soloist, but if I do the show tomorrow no one will ever wanna kiss me ever again!
Bob: Ok well first of all, people will want to kiss you again, Tina.
Tina: Really?
Bob: Yup

[...]
Bob: I know puberty positivity is important to you, and thats good. But if doing this play is making you say something you don't believe in, then maybe you shouldn't do it.
Tina: Even if I said I would?
Bob: Yeah because whether you kiss anyone or not, you're in charge of your own mouth: who you kiss with it, and what you say with it...and Tina?
Tina: Are you gonna say you have to tell on Jocelyn's party?
Bob: No, I was going to ask you if you wanted me to get you a handful of ice cream.


Bob is able to recognize his daughter is upset. He can guess what she could be crying about, and gives her the space to share her problem. He creates a safe space, by letting her share "another kid's secret" and not betraying her. He later validates her feelings by confirming that it 'sounds bad'. He then assures her that nothing is wrong with her; people will want to kiss her again. And he reminds her that she can go back on something she promised if it makes her feel uncomfortable, because she's in charge of her mouth. She doesn't have to force herself to do something that is against her values. And lastly, he continues making it a safe space by comforting her further.

Call me weird for being so carried away by this interaction, but I really feel that this is the kind of relationship we all deserve.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
Call me weird for being so carried away by this interaction, but I really feel that this is the kind of relationship we all deserve.

okay, weirdo. i'll call you whatever you like, but only if i can be a fellow weirdo. i do this quite often and make use of the psychic resonance by experimenting with them through the parenting your inner child theories. i strive to give myself the gift of relationships we all deserve.

weird enough for you? the weirder part is that it works when i work it. not all of my experiments work out, but i never lose. i either learn or i win.
 
weird enough for you? the weirder part is that it works when i work it. not all of my experiments work out, but i never lose. i either learn or i win.
sounds like the perfect amount of weird 🙂. I'm glad to hear there are others who do this too. We all deserve healthy loving relationships. If we need wholesome tv to help us see what that looks like, so be it.
 
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