Unhelpful Therapist

[Deleted member 29920]

Has anyone else had unhelpful therapists on the NHS? I recently went for counselling which I was advised to do during my break from psychology (I remembered Traumatic things from my childhood and the psychologist thought I should take a break-i told her I'd feel like I'd been given up on but she still got rid of me)
So I was told to try counselling at a thing called Lifelink. The woman I was given was extremely insensitive and tactless. I have an eating disorder and she was Saying things like - 'food is a basic thing and you don't even enjoy it(!)' and she kept talking about herself and saying how she loved to nourish her children with good food and that she's very much a 'foodie' person. She even asked if my eating disorder was an excuse not to do things even after I explained in detail how debilitating my condition is and how much I hate having it.
In another session she said 'it's like you fight against the very thing you cry out for, which is normality' in a very condescending tone. I was too upset to respond but I wanted to say 'actually, I don't want' normality', I just want to be well, I don't want to be anything like you-a person who has accepted the mass mind programming and treats anyone who has a different way of living as abnormal'
She was also nosey and was asking questions about my past relationships (I've had relationships with both genders in the past) she kept trying to find out if I enjoyed the sex I'd had with other women. I felt so uncomfortable but I answered her because I felt pressured into doing so. She referred to my ex girlfriends as 'lovers' but referred to my ex boyfriends as boyfriends. It felt like she was implying the girlfriends weren't valid relationships even though they were - I was with one of them for four years.
I have since ditched said 'therapist' but I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and if so, did you complain to their boss?

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

When I told a rape councellor that I had trouble even encountering men on a daily basis, her response was "well what else do you expect? All men are rapists." Not exactly a helpful comment, in fact downright dangerous. This was before I had even begun councelling, so I decided not to proceed. Luckily I had the intelligence/presence of mind/rationale to realise that her comments were wrong.

I didn't complain, but I also don't recommend this particular service to people.

 

[hodge]

I think you both have had bad therapists. There really are good ones out there. I'd really try again.

 

[GWhizz]

Sometimes a counselor just isn't qualified enough in my experience. I can't believe your psychologist dropped you though after memories started to come up. Can you get back to see another psychologist soon? All I can say is trust your gut. If you've a logical reason as to why they are not being objective or helpful that's clear enough imo. All of what you mentioned above spells out red flags to me.

 

[watundah]

Ya know what they say about how some people get into psych work because of their own issues. Like every other profession there are good and bad. Don't give up. You deserve the care that you need.

 

[Deleted member 24866]

I have found so many bad vs good. If I found a good one perhaps I would continue- I think our system frankly even makes greater problems where none exist solely to be their bread and butter.

 

[joeylittle]

This whole topic actually reminds me of the few benefits of living in a country without socialized health care. We do get to behave essentially like consumers looking for the right product (here in the US). It's just very hard to manage all the research and searching when you also are crawling out of your own skin, or can barely get out of bed, and all points in-between.

There are good ones out there, and they are worth their weight in gold.

 

[Lucycat]

Has anyone else had unhelpful therapists on the NHS?

I have only had one therapist - a CPN with the NHS - and he has been great. However trauma is his special interest so he understands it all and is really clued up.

Do you have the option of contacting the psychologist again and explaining how disastrously wrong it went, and ask to be referred for specific trauma therapy? I know it may be hard to find but it is available and on the NHS. It sounds as if the counselor you saw has not got a clue about trauma or she would not have been asking those questions.

Complaints are helpful. They make the service provider know that they are getting it wrong. I understand it can be a difficult thing to do, but they are obliged to follow a procedure and respond to your concerns. You can google your particular health board and it should give the address for complaints.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Thanks everyone for your help.
Notsurewheretoturn-your counsellor should not have said that to you, that would have made alot of people feel worse.

Gwhizz - the psychologist dropped me because she could see I was feeling worse. She used the excuse that they tell people to have a break if therapy is making them feel worse. I told her I might feel even worse having no one to speak to but she still dropped me. As a result, my health deteriorated badly, I didn't look after myself and ended up damaging most of my teeth by not bothering to brush them and also by grinding my teeth in my sleep which I didn't even realise I was doing, I just thought they were crumbling because of my eating disorder. To make matters worse my gp said it's only schizophrenic people who are allowed to see a community psychiatric nurse. I recently found out she was wrong because I phoned the psychology clinic myself and they said I could speak to a CPN, that it's not just for schizophrenic people and gave me the phone number! I phoned the CPN and the following day a duty worker phoned and apologised for leaving me such a long time with no adequate support and said I could come back to psychology in about 14weeks, so now I have 9 weeks left to wait. When the psychologist told me to take a break last year she didn't mention the counselling service or the possibility of speaking to a CPN. As a result of this, and some other things the psychologist said, I have asked to see a different psychologist when I go back.

Watundah - yes, I think the counsellor was only there for gossip, prying into other people's lives. It is an easy job for someone to just sit and listen to gossip all day without even remotely trying to help her patients.

Lucycat - I will definitely ask for specific trauma help when I return. I have learned from my experiences with the NHS that you have to be forceful in order to get any help at all. The lifelink counsellor said they only deal with mild to moderate problems, I told her psychology told me to have a six to nine month break and come to lifelink in the meantime if I needed someone to talk to. She said 'but this isn't just about having a chat, you should be working towards something like volunteering and being among people'. This was after I had told her all about my eating disorder, previous Traumatic experiences and ptsd symptoms! Not to mention the fact I am practically a recluse. I'm definitely going to complain about her, she said so many things that were just-

I've now been away from psychology for ten months. :(

 

[Deleted member 29899]

The counsellor you saw sounds inexperienced and immature.
I don't know what NHS is? I'm assuming thats free services? I've found (and this is only MY opinion and from my experience) that the free services, psychiatrists, psychologists and counsellors don't seem to know what they're doing, are ill equipped... The crappiest and least knowledgable people I've seen have been the free ones.
I once had a (disgusting greasy sweating pig) psychiartist ask me if I thought he was sexy. Not kidding.
Recently I had a psychotherapist say to me- do you think YOUR God has any time for YOU? Also, he called one of my family members a filthy name. These are only two examples of people in the system. I could give you more. One psychologist said to me- okay, so how do you want to do this? (How the h*ll do I know how she should be helping me? I'm not the Dr!)
In our system, even our general family Drs know that all the free services in our system are full of INCOMPETANT people. I don't know why, but that's the way it's always been.
Very unfortunately if you don't have $140.00 an hour to pay someone, you're out of luck. You remain sick. Period. Unfortunately I'm out of money and have no one to see now.
Anyways, that's my experience with 'professionals' ( and I use that term loosely) that are free.
If anyone else has had good service, know that you're fortunate.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

I don't know what NHS is? I'm assuming thats free services?

The NHS is the national health service in the UK. It is paid for by the public through taxes etc. and is government run.

It is the main health service here, and private (paid for) treatment can run into thousands as is only really the privallage of the wealthy to use.

First port of call for 99% of the UK would be the NHS with your Dr only really being able to refer you to an NHS practitioner.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Yes, its free - NHS is the national health service in the 'United' Kingdom, it's paid for by the tax payers. Unfortunately I have been too ill to work for the last seven years so it has been free for me. I'm shocked at the horrible things that have been said to you. I'm starting to realise if you use free services you have to not let their words affect you. A tough skill for people like me who was raised by abusive (physically, sexually and emotionally) 'parents'. But I'm getting there. Sometimes I just think - it's just words, Im not going to let the words of an incompetent person affect me. In the future I'll be telling them to their face that I disapprove of the way they're speaking to me.

I had a similar comment from a secondary care clinical psychologist last year. - 'I'm not sure what help I can offer' - huh? My doctor has referred me to you for help?!? I wish I had answered her but I was too upset.

She also said 'it only works if the person believes it will work.'........ .. Wow. Imagine any other health care professional saying that - the surgery will only work if you believe it will work! Your broken leg will only heal if you believe it will! Good grief!