I have CPTSD and the structural dissociative breakdown as what appears to be OSDD. I can only feel emotions on one side of my body, including the brain. I feel nothing on my left side. My brain on my left side never feels tired, sore, fatigued. I could smoke weed, and I won't feel high on my left side of my brain. "I don't smoke weed anymore." If I drink alcohol, the same problem, I am only drunk on my right side of my brain and feel nothing on my left sphere of the brain that I can feel. "I don't drink anymore either."
Therapists, the internet, and even myself getting into contact with Pete Walker, the author of the book "Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Surviving to Thriving," told me that he has never seen anything like this before. He called it a phenomenon. I know that I have been abused like so many of you in your childhoods. I have read many books on childhood abuse; I understand structural dissociation quite well. Nowhere in the literature have I ever found a dissociative case with these symptoms before in the literature. I feel alone and frustrated that I cannot find someone else with these same symptoms. Or anything in dissociative books, for that matter. I feel intense chronic pain in my right side of my body. In my chest, spine, head. I am addicted to nicotine from a vaporizer. I only feel the addiction on my right side of my body, not the left.
I am desperate to find someone else who has this type of dissociation presence. I would be grateful to find others. Some of the literature for DID has spoken of left and right body split. But there was insufficient information to explain this further. As far as I know, I don't have DID. But do I and don't realize it. I don't seem to have blackouts, but I do have a difficult memory. People do say at work things I did that I cannot recall. Usually, when I am in trouble. But often cannot remember doing those things, but I am sure I did not blackout. I do feel some sense of continuity. And if it is not, then I am incredible at hiding DID. But as far as I am concern, it is OSDD. Thanks so much to anyone who has the same experience I have. This split is chronic and has been around for several decades now in my life.
Therapists, the internet, and even myself getting into contact with Pete Walker, the author of the book "Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Surviving to Thriving," told me that he has never seen anything like this before. He called it a phenomenon. I know that I have been abused like so many of you in your childhoods. I have read many books on childhood abuse; I understand structural dissociation quite well. Nowhere in the literature have I ever found a dissociative case with these symptoms before in the literature. I feel alone and frustrated that I cannot find someone else with these same symptoms. Or anything in dissociative books, for that matter. I feel intense chronic pain in my right side of my body. In my chest, spine, head. I am addicted to nicotine from a vaporizer. I only feel the addiction on my right side of my body, not the left.
I am desperate to find someone else who has this type of dissociation presence. I would be grateful to find others. Some of the literature for DID has spoken of left and right body split. But there was insufficient information to explain this further. As far as I know, I don't have DID. But do I and don't realize it. I don't seem to have blackouts, but I do have a difficult memory. People do say at work things I did that I cannot recall. Usually, when I am in trouble. But often cannot remember doing those things, but I am sure I did not blackout. I do feel some sense of continuity. And if it is not, then I am incredible at hiding DID. But as far as I am concern, it is OSDD. Thanks so much to anyone who has the same experience I have. This split is chronic and has been around for several decades now in my life.