SeanCharles
MyPTSD Pro
Today I had a therapy session which is my second after meeting just a few days prior to this session and the first topic we broke ground on is one that I have been struggling with which relates to Domestic Violence. As a child, I was caught between an Alcoholic biological Father and my mother who I am closer to than I am with the man who contributed to my procreation.
My biological Father and I, at a very critical time for me, at his profession that I could bring him anything, helped me to break the very cycle that I partly hold him and my mom responsible for...
I haven't yet touched this in therapy yet as I only began to break ground which remains surrounding a hole I opened when I uprooted a tree (The Domestic Violence I witnessed) on this very forum years ago. I know in the last couple years I have been silent in part not because this forum isn't meaningful or has a purpose, Rather I have been assessing where I am and for my own self care purposes have been avoiding possible over exposure or unintentional re traumatizing myself. I am writing this post now however for clarity and perhaps introspect on what I am continually dealing with.
When the realization of the lack of power my abusive babysitter had on me after being continually threatened and received empty promises, he was a high school student who's teacher had recommended him (and subsequently his girlfriend later) to my parents so that they could work on healing from the addictions my father had brought into his marriage, I at one point quickly realized that breaking this cycle would not be done by talking to my mom.
In an upheaval, I professed that I didn't want either babysitter to babysit me anymore. In their confusion caused by my outburst my father and I departed as they were originally going out and instead my father and I went out and we stayed out for hours as I opened up to him.
Since doing that, my relationship with the man has been extremely difficult. For those who don't know me, I like a few on here have DID, and so perhaps the emotional entaglement and conflict I feel within is a piece of this. I am currently not on speaking terms with my biological father as the conversation is quite strained for both us. For me, I want to reconnect with the man I once knew while I feel that there is a major wall between us.
Given what I know about his own childhood he had abuse of his own, while I don't know the exact history I have to wonder if perhaps sharing my situation has unintentionally hurt him or perhaps caused hard feelings between us.
While I want to write more on this and will be happy to expand this through replies Thank you for reading.
My biological Father and I, at a very critical time for me, at his profession that I could bring him anything, helped me to break the very cycle that I partly hold him and my mom responsible for...
I haven't yet touched this in therapy yet as I only began to break ground which remains surrounding a hole I opened when I uprooted a tree (The Domestic Violence I witnessed) on this very forum years ago. I know in the last couple years I have been silent in part not because this forum isn't meaningful or has a purpose, Rather I have been assessing where I am and for my own self care purposes have been avoiding possible over exposure or unintentional re traumatizing myself. I am writing this post now however for clarity and perhaps introspect on what I am continually dealing with.
When the realization of the lack of power my abusive babysitter had on me after being continually threatened and received empty promises, he was a high school student who's teacher had recommended him (and subsequently his girlfriend later) to my parents so that they could work on healing from the addictions my father had brought into his marriage, I at one point quickly realized that breaking this cycle would not be done by talking to my mom.
In an upheaval, I professed that I didn't want either babysitter to babysit me anymore. In their confusion caused by my outburst my father and I departed as they were originally going out and instead my father and I went out and we stayed out for hours as I opened up to him.
Since doing that, my relationship with the man has been extremely difficult. For those who don't know me, I like a few on here have DID, and so perhaps the emotional entaglement and conflict I feel within is a piece of this. I am currently not on speaking terms with my biological father as the conversation is quite strained for both us. For me, I want to reconnect with the man I once knew while I feel that there is a major wall between us.
Given what I know about his own childhood he had abuse of his own, while I don't know the exact history I have to wonder if perhaps sharing my situation has unintentionally hurt him or perhaps caused hard feelings between us.
While I want to write more on this and will be happy to expand this through replies Thank you for reading.
