This might sound irrational.. if so its due to how I feel after an encounter yesterday at work. This was such a small/ not even worth mentioning incident. There was a patient who stood at the counter and wanted a prescription. I didnt even have to make that prescription, it was my colleague who said "Wait a minute I need to ask the doctor!". The patient had a very specific rude/ arrogant attitude and I wanted to tell her if she could just take a seat in the waiting room because another patient came in. The worse thing was I couldnt...I went silent I feared her, and I felt aggression crawling up in my throat. The patient left and said thanks, so she wasnt even very rude, just the way she looked, her behaviour made me anxious.
Usually I do communicate pretty ok. I can assert myself, but then comes someone like this and I feel my inner cracking. Came home, crying and feeling weak/ stupid/ subjugated. I felt as if I need to submit myself to her...I even googled this person for hours because It didnt make sense to me why I felt so much fear regarding this person.
After so much work there are still people around who have that thing going which makes me feel like a wrack. Its not others, its my distorted view.
I feel very cracked in the inner. And the worst thing is I feel as if this person "should" judgeme and should have mercy. Its as if I want to tell her " look I am a piece of worthless sh*" you should punish me.
Its very hard to come out of this emotional bubble..
Usually I do communicate pretty ok. I can assert myself, but then comes someone like this and I feel my inner cracking. Came home, crying and feeling weak/ stupid/ subjugated. I felt as if I need to submit myself to her...I even googled this person for hours because It didnt make sense to me why I felt so much fear regarding this person.
After so much work there are still people around who have that thing going which makes me feel like a wrack. Its not others, its my distorted view.
I feel very cracked in the inner. And the worst thing is I feel as if this person "should" judgeme and should have mercy. Its as if I want to tell her " look I am a piece of worthless sh*" you should punish me.
Its very hard to come out of this emotional bubble..
Last edited by a moderator: