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Unusual symptom presentation of acute stress/delayed ptsd.

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Honeyadger

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Hey y’all. So I’m not looking for a diagnosis or anything here, I got clinicians for that part, but in my way too long and unfortunate career as a patient, I’m confused at how my own symptoms are presenting. Never seen anything like it. I’m a 30 old male, and I have an extensive history from childhood physical abuse to Hurricane Katrina as a kid. Went to rehab the first time 9 years ago. Been to two and a half years of impatient treatment, homeless, dated someone was super abusive. None of which I thought were bad.

Last week after an encounter, I somehow realized that what I had just experienced was that type of abuse I still can’t say. And for some reason that made me concede that all those things were in fact terrible. And everything flooded back.

Since then I have developed breakthrough ptsd symptoms such as very short intense somatic flashbacks that make me curl up or kick at the air. Standard intrusive thoughts and images. I can be outside alone, but it’s very uncomfortable. I haven’t eaten but I’m not very hungry. I shake and can’t stop moving like pacing or more standard movement disorder behaviors. My urine is maple syrupy and smells strange. Serious but not painful mood swings. I’m hugging myself with one arm or have my hand on my heart constantly. My speech is limited and I’m talking like a child would when it comes to emotions.

But I’m not really in distress. It’s not fun, but it doesn’t really have the suffering that my bipolar or substance withdrawal would. Honestly sometimes I wish more flashbacks would come. It’s like it’s 100% body and no head.

Im not doing much but a lot of treatment. We all understand the severity but my clinicians don’t seem like I’m displaying something wild. So I’m not terribly worried. I’m curious if anyone has heard of or experienced anything like this? Thanks!
 
But I’m not really in distress.
A lot of it may be normalised for you, or not as extreme as the sudden shock of withdrawal, but all this stuff -
Since then I have developed breakthrough ptsd symptoms such as very short intense somatic flashbacks that make me curl up or kick at the air. Standard intrusive thoughts and images. I can be outside alone, but it’s very uncomfortable. I haven’t eaten but I’m not very hungry. I shake and can’t stop moving like pacing or more standard movement disorder behaviors. My urine is maple syrupy and smells strange. Serious but not painful mood swings. I’m hugging myself with one arm or have my hand on my heart constantly. My speech is limited and I’m talking like a child would when it comes to emotions.
sounds a lot like someone who is pretty distressed. Maybe it’s your normal, maybe you’re too dissociated to register it, but pretty much all of those symptoms suggest that your body and brain are pretty distressed. We can register stuff differently to what we “think” should be normal if trauma, in one form or another, has always been our normal. It’s a coping strategy that works, until it doesn’t.
but my clinicians don’t seem like I’m displaying something wild.
Yeah - it all sounds pretty familiar. Except for the dark urine, which sounds like serious dehydration and/or kidney disease, or too many vitamin B pills. Either way, doctor, pronto. The last thing you need is adding kidney failure to the mix, yeah?

If this all seems new to your specialist, maybe look for someone who specialises in trauma.

Welcome to the forum!
 
Thanks for the reply! Kinda scary to think I'm used to all this, but I definetly can see that being the case. I think the fact that I've felt some empathy (even if a child's conception of it) for the first time in a decade gives me a decent amount of hope. Also, just recently leared that lying is actually wrong! I always was under the impression it was a toiol to get whatever I wanted. Who knew?
 
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