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Update and reflection on my summer

  • Thread starter Deleted member 28942
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Deleted member 28942

Hi lovely people,

I got back home after a summer spent in Montreal. For those uninitiated, before I left for Montreal I "broke up" with my 2-2.5 years EMDR therapists. The discussion is documented in this long thread:
Issues With Therapist

In Montreal, I worked with 2 therapists one EDMR, and one CBT/DBT (the highest rated/most successful therapist in Montreal). Wow, the difference is huge. The number of things that can be accomplished in few sessions (~10) with a good and confident therapist is incredible. He confirmed that my previous therapists was insecure and was holding me back in therapy and life. He got me to see that my father was a sociopath. I wasn't aware of that. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and sociopathic father. He pushed me to stand up for myself, to see myself as a strong, brave, resilient person that has been through a lot, to see my unique strengths and gifts. To talk back to the critical voice. I have no words how beneficial it has been. Besides work, I spend my free time taking art classes with some amazing artists and overcame a lot of my anxieties about doing art.
The EMDR therapists also helped me process memories and told me I am really ready for processing and that I process very fast. This confirmed my frustration with my ex-therapist who was dragging sessions forever when I was really ready to process memories.
I reconnected with my youngest brother and we started sharing memories and problems we have. He confirmed things about my parents and I filled in some of the gaps in his memories. It was incredible. I cried a lot afterward. Another friend I was talking to who was in inefficient therapy for 2 years also started seeing that her mom was a narcissist (her therapist did not help her much with anything for 2 years except listening and telling her that her parents did the best they could). I helped her with that by sharing my experience and she started making connections. She helped me also in seeing my strengths, persistence, perseverance, resilience. She opened up to her sister and they started healing from the abuse by their narcissistic mother. I supported my friend to find a good therapist for her. She finally did. She thanked me many times for the support and the books I gave her.
Now that I am back, I found another EMDR therapist to work with and she is great (she has trained with Laurel Parnell who wrote the book Attachment Focused EMDR Therapy). She takes my insurance so no more private pay and she is confident and strong. Also, I am teaching a whole class and I am really excited about it. Some of the instructors I've worked with before were genuinely happy and supportive of me teaching that class.

My experience is that if you are in therapy for a while and you are not improving search for other therapists, shop around, ask around, check online reviews. Life gets better much better. You don't owe anything to your therapists if therapy is not working. You owe it to yourself to get a good therapist. You deserve a good therapist.

Here are some very useful books that my CBT therapist recommended and helped me a lot:
  • Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem - I believe most people on this web site can really benefit from this book.
  • The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play. - this one follows a similar approach to the self-esteem book. Very useful.
  • Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behavior and Feel Great Again. - This one is about life traps like abandonment, dependencies, abuse, etc. It is a harder book to read because it is harder to face this lifetraps but useful. Having a good therapist to help you with the problems is advised.
 
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