Ups & Down Of Ptsd

[Notsowild]

I know I'm a lot better than a year ago. But I feel great one day than the next I'll have a panic attack. I'm driving great one day the next day I'll start dissociating. And been having suicidal ideation lately which I haven't had in months. Does anyone else get like this? And... Is this something I'll always have to live with?

 

[Tanishq]

Notsowild, I do get good and bad days. I think it will take time to bring balance in our lives to have more good days. We will have to work towards it.

Right now I am getting 3-4 good days in a week and there are days where I failed to do a single task. I do suffer from panic attacks and that drains me a lot. I am also working on this. You are not alone in this.

This doesn't mean you will always have to live with this. You are better right now as you are analyzing yourself and it is, you can get better than this. It is said we keep getting better every year if we keep working on it. We need to have at least consistency in whatever we work. Let's say you are writing everyday, be consistent throughout the year. It helps in long run. Believe me.

Hope this helps and makes sense to you. Good day to you.

Edited: I believe consistency in positive/effective work helps you to have more good days.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, the ptsd rollercoaster is what keeps me unable to hold a job even though I'm a helluva lot better than I used to be. Healing is never linear. It's always up and down. But on the plus side at least you have good days now, right?

 

[arfie]

Yes, I cycle similar wise. I suspect I always will, but learning new ways to cope and work with the process makes the cycles allot smoother.

I have come to believe my own suicidal ideations are mostly symbolic. Maybe "contextual" is a better word than "symbolic." I don't really want to end my life. Just certain parts and habits of my life. I have come to think of it as the "closure" part of my cycle.

 

[Notsowild]

Definetly a down day today. First I was triggered by my boss hovering all over me. I felt like a child who didn't know what she was doing. Then the young girl I had the verbal altracation last week complained about me to my manager. Some nerve, she was a lot more verbal abusive to me. So I'm going to tell her manager my version of the story.

I started crying after work. Just don't think I can handle this anymore. Nobody knows what I'm going through and I'm not pretending I'm normal very well. Just want to go away. Is life really worth it?

 

[Friday]

For myself... When I'm doing bad, most days are bad. I'll have a good moment here or there. <grin> I've started recording them! (So I don't forget and can look back at them, instead of thinking is been straight awful). On average I'm having about 10-15 good minutes once every 2 or 3 weeks, lately. Have had 2 'good couple hours' this year. And 1 good day. Bliss.

When I'm doing well, most of my days are good. I might have a couple bad nightmares a year. A couple panic attack here and there. A month of insomnia. A bad day, or a bad week.

When I'm shifting in between doing badly & doing well? Moving up or down? My schedule looks a lot more like that. Good day, bad day.

The transitions are frustrating... Whether I'm getting better or worse... Because of the split. When I'm going down, I can see myself becoming less and less functional, and it's infuriating. When I'm going up, I have enough good days to actually start to become functional again... But the bad days slow things down, and make me question whether I'm actually ever going to be functional again. Which is infuriating.