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Urgent Help Needed

Discussion in 'General' started by Halo, Mar 14, 2007.

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  1. Halo

    Halo New Member

    I'm not sure what answers I'm looking for, or from who on this forum, but maybe someone out there can give me some help or tips, or even an answer to this problem my girlfriend is having.
    Since the age of 3 my girlfriend was sexually abused at first by her uncle and cousin then up until the early ages of 17 by her cousin alone, and unfortunately by other men too, which has no relation to her cousins years of abuse. Her cousin is now in jail and life is as normal as it can be for her now, except for one thing. She cannot sleep because of nightmares, mainly of flashbacks of her cousin abusing her sexually and physically.
    She's been having these sleep problems for 6 months now, not long after her abuse stopped fully. She had to rely on heroin to help her sleep without any nightmares, which made life ok again for her. I made her come off heroin for her own good, not realizing at the time that by doing that she would not sleep at all. I wanted her to get proffesional help for her sleep problems, such as councelling, but she is the world's most stubborn person and whatever I'd say there was no way she was going to see anybody, at first it was because she thought I thought she was "mad" then it go to the stage of finding it too difficult to talk to anyone about her past and nightmares, I even suggested writiing it all out in a book or maybe a blog but that also seems to be too difficult for her.
    Well we're now at the stage where she is on no drugs to help with her sleep (mainly because of her condition, which means she cannot take any drugs long term anymore). She has not slept properly in 2 months, maybe the odd 30 mins in a week. On top of this she's 17 years old, works a very important job as a manager at a dance company 9-6, since she has no parents she lives alone so has to run her own home, and on top of that do school work from home. All this is getting to be too much for her, even though she shows she's coping, it's obvious she isn't. Also since 2 months ago, she has slowly been turning into a different person, easily frustrated, snappy, angry, don't show much affection. She's not the girl I knew anymore. I know all this is down to no sleep, but I also know she will not get any sleep until something is done, and from all the research I've done about PTSD and sleep disorders, there is nothing out there that seems to work. Although she has no energy to try these days. Eveything feels hopeless. I love her to bits and I'd sacrifice a lot to get her just to be ok again.
    I also think I frustrate her with fussing over her bringing this problem up all the time, it seems like she just wants to sweep it all under the carpet.
    Any adivce on the best way I can be there for her? Or if there is any hope for her? Thanks
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  3. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Hi Halo, welcome to the forum..

    So.. she is 17 and her cousing was abusing her until she was 17? so this just ended?

    You can't do much.. be supportive and learn learn learn.. She is the only one that can do anything..

    A) she needs counselling, now. Try to bring it up and see if she is open to it.. if she isn't already seeing someone.

    B) try to get her on here.. reading about it herself.. will do her wonders..

    I'm sure others will have suggestions.. but those are my two.

  4. vcc123

    vcc123 Active Member

    I agree.. its great that you're so supportive of her, she needs it. I too would again gently suggest a counselor, preferrably a female one. Have her look at this forum, all of us are PTSD sufferers & understand the pain she is going through.

    Just show it to her, let her read, she doesnt have to type anything.. just see that she is definitely NOT alone in this. Once she is a little more comfortable with it, maybe she'll introduce herself. I know we'd all love to hear from her.

    In the meantime.. hang in there with your support and love.. and let her know that she's already in our thoughts and prayers. :rolleyes:
  5. Lisa

    Lisa Well-Known Member

    Hi Halo,

    If the abuse has only recently ended, then she is at the height of turmoil still. She hasn't even begun to process everything. Is she safe at the moment? Because if not, somehow that needs to change before anything can get better for her.

    She does need support, and counselling, but it's one of those things that she has to believe can help her before she starts. I agree totally that here is a good place for her to read around, get the feel for what this is all about. Reading things that she can identify will do wonders and help her along... I know it did with me.

    The sleep issue, is a difficult one. Something that can be aided by sleep drugs, but really she needs to deal with the abuse that is obviously bringing it on. This is not a fast road, but little by little it can get better.

    I hope that she takes those steps to looking for and accepting a little support and help. I can see that she has a caring person there for her, and that, believe it or not, will be helping her so much.

    Good luck,

  6. Portabella

    Portabella Well-Known Member

    Halo, also want to let you know as you already are finding out this is going to be a rocky road for you too. Feel free to come on here and vent or ask advise or just rant anytime. We are here for you too.
  7. slhlilbit

    slhlilbit Active Member

    welcome to the forum. I know that there is help here for you and her. Hang in there. she is so young my heart just broke reading this, thats ok i really care. She might be in denial of what all this has done to her she need 's to know that what she is feeling is normal for what has happend to her. that said you both need to know its ok to ask for help. i will keep you both in my prayers.
  8. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    welcome to the forum. maybe you can get her just to read some of the posts here, especially the ones with information on ptsd.
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