Venting

Kaylove498

Confident
I deal with depersonalizing and derealization and I have gotten better I've returned to my old activities and day to day things.

I get tired and find myself lonely at times though even in a room filled with people I find myself feeling like they are all strangers even the ones closest to me.

My body gets tense all the time and sometimes I just freeze or don't feel the need to talk I almost just go blank and don't care.

Not caring had helped me get back into driving and actually leaving the house again but I hate the lonely feelings that come along with not caring after the psychological trauma I started to feel lost and confused about who I was and I was trying to find anyone who would listen to go I felt.

I realized after awhile that talking about it didn't take away the feeling of being numb and having no emotions. Sometimes I'll get the urge to cry but I can't other times I'll get the urge to laugh but can't actually feel the happiness behind the laugh.

Other times I won't eat at all because I'm not hungry then some days I'll eat something hoping to taste again and it all still feels and taste so bland.

The dpdr has taken everything from me my senses my emotions everything.

I started thinking tonight that it's getting old but sadly this is now how my life will be for the rest of my life.I deeply miss myself if that makes any sense I miss feeling things I miss waking up excited for the day now I just feel stuck on replay. Almost as if everyday is the same and nothing really matters.

I'm okay with it I'm just sad that who I was is gone and the person I am now is numb and lost.
 
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