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Very specific trigger that doesn’t make sense to me

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pacman404

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I have noticed that feeling stupid causes me to dissociate but I think that’s the only trigger for it. The part I don’t understand is why that is because although that feeling is a trigger in general, it’s not anything that I remember happening as a kid. I don’t remember being made to feel that way so I’m confused why it affects me now in a way that other things that ‘should’ do don’t. Does this make sense to anyone else?
 
Interesting topic. You know how shame is sort of barrier to vulnerability...I think dissociating when feeling stupid may be a signal that feeling stupid (and getting lost in it) sort of shuts down your intelligence parts and the dissociation/panic/fear whatever feelings arising is sort of cry for help to get your intelligence part come to the foreground or maybe even become aware of the lopsided situation.

In my experience, I often feel cognitively slow or critically delayed but yet on a good day, I find I actually have decent level of intelligence or even wisdom (gasp!) cause these feelings are often fleeing. I do recall vividly one time where I felt so fully integrated few days after a very intense therapy session and was shocked how intelligent I felt (I recalled some great memories and maneuvers as a youngster and the potential that could have) and how clear things looked and then I was back to self-doubt, feeling incompetent, even stupid and I started to accept them more fully cause I knew what I went through, I probably missed couple buses growing up and may never catch up but I will be fine.

Not sure if this helps but thought I will share.
 
I'm gonna ask for clarification, here...

When you say 'feeling stupid', can you describe closer what that looks like, what's happening with you?

As different advice for different causes & what accompanies it.

Ie. Numb / unable to think is different from bucketloads of guilt and shame for wrong answers or not knowing something, irritation / frustration / despair / rage despair / direct suicidality over not being able to solve some issue is different, so is being tired - at any depth -, so is feeling insufficient for not being at full capacity or one's desired state mentally...

And abuse sparked / reinforced beliefs one is stupid or not smart enough or wasn't for the situations, is yet something else.

So why asking where's your more personal issue with 'feeling stupid' :)
 
Yes it makes sense to me. Feeling stupid is a huge trigger for me and I also do not have anything specific to relate it too. I also think shame and vulnerability plays a role in this.
 
Interesting topic. You know how shame is sort of barrier to vulnerability...I think dissociating when feeling stupid may be a signal that feeling stupid (and getting lost in it) sort of shuts down your intelligence parts and the dissociation/panic/fear whatever feelings arising is sort of cry for help to get your intelligence part come to the foreground or maybe even become aware of the lopsided situation.

In my experience, I often feel cognitively slow or critically delayed but yet on a good day, I find I actually have decent level of intelligence or even wisdom (gasp!) cause these feelings are often fleeing. I do recall vividly one time where I felt so fully integrated few days after a very intense therapy session and was shocked how intelligent I felt (I recalled some great memories and maneuvers as a youngster and the potential that could have) and how clear things looked and then I was back to self-doubt, feeling incompetent, even stupid and I started to accept them more fully cause I knew what I went through, I probably missed couple buses growing up and may never catch up but I will be fine.

Not sure if this helps but thought I will share.
Thanks for sharing. :)

I'm gonna ask for clarification, here...

When you say 'feeling stupid', can you describe closer what that looks like, what's happening with you?

As different advice for different causes & what accompanies it.

Ie. Numb / unable to think is different from bucketloads of guilt and shame for wrong answers or not knowing something, irritation / frustration / despair / rage despair / direct suicidality over not being able to solve some issue is different, so is being tired - at any depth -, so is feeling insufficient for not being at full capacity or one's desired state mentally...

And abuse sparked / reinforced beliefs one is stupid or not smart enough or wasn't for the situations, is yet something else.

So why asking where's your more personal issue with 'feeling stupid' :)
Sorry. I’ll give you an example. I was playing a board game that I don’t really know how to play that well but everyone else did. I asked a question that was apparently stupid and Was told as much. Maybe it was the shame aspect. Thanks

Yes it makes sense to me. Feeling stupid is a huge trigger for me and I also do not have anything specific to relate it too. I also think shame and vulnerability plays a role in this.
Thanks for your reply. :) shame I have plenty of so that would make sense.
 
@pacman404 :) No problem.

I think labeling your not knowing 'stupid', either by you or others or both, is way more issue to look into than that you asked a question.

Asking questions, even very obvious answers ones, doesn't mean someone is stupid. It means they are learning, and trying to get something they didn't yet know. Which is all to it.

I could also say asking is smart, as it gets you exactly what you aim for: more information, and info on what to do now.

So I would think of it as less a trigger (trigger = something directly tied to your trauma) and more understandable feeling bad... Because people you wanted to have a fun time, playing games with, hurt you by their words.

That's on them. Not on you.
 
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Asking questions, even very obvious answers ones, doesn't mean someone is stupid. It means they are learning, and trying to get something they didn't yet know. Which is all to it.

This is true and practical. But, from my own experiences. Some people are not practical and any chance to point out their superiority is their first reaction. It is difficult for me because I take these type of things personally. It is difficult to remind myself that it is their issue and struggles and not my own. If that makes sense. And, in some cases I need to be better at choosing who I spend time with.
 
Is disassociation your go-to coping mechanism for most things?

If so, there may not be any kind of trigger, stressor, or trauma link at all, per se. As most people get flustered when they get embarrassed, and respond in a very small handful of ways... angry & lashing out, fearful & wanting to run/hide, ashamed & collapsing in, startled & laughing, mind blanking & stammering, etc....of which are about a loss of control, and knee-jerking into a pattern of behavior that’s either served them well in the past, or that they struggle with.

If your knee-jerk in stressful situations is to zone out, distance yourself, find a happy place, shut off your emotions to not care, etc.? Then it would follow that the same reaction you’ve mastered in trauma, is asserting itself in normal life, too.
 
Is disassociation your go-to coping mechanism for most things?

If so, there may not be any kind of trigger, stressor, or trauma link at all, per se. As most people get flustered when they get embarrassed, and respond in a very small handful of ways... angry & lashing out, fearful & wanting to run/hide, ashamed & collapsing in, startled & laughing, mind blanking & stammering, etc....of which are about a loss of control, and knee-jerking into a pattern of behavior that’s either served them well in the past, or that they struggle with.

If your knee-jerk in stressful situations is to zone out, distance yourself, find a happy place, shut off your emotions to not care, etc.? Then it would follow that the same reaction you’ve mastered in trauma, is asserting itself in normal life, too.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot this afternoon. It really doesn’t happen that much anymore outside this kind of situation. I have in the past though when I have needed to so actually you could be right. I just never really thought of it being my go-to thing until now. It’s weird though because it seems like an over reaction to the situation. I was completely unable to make sense of what the other people were saying or even count. Another time I forgot my name. My knee jerk reaction to that I would have predicted would have been to get angry and defensive.
 
At least for me, feeling stupid <--> criticism <--> someone's unpredictable angry outbursts. Maybe it's something like that for you?
 
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