Sufferer Victim of emotional neglect and emotional abuse by family, sexually assaulted, & witness to the physical abuse of my brothers.

FreeSoul

New Here
I am a 37 years old male who grew up in an emotionally neglected and emotionally abusive family. I was emotionally bullied by my parents, and 5 elder siblings, neighbours, relatives, teachers; and sexually abused by labourers who worked and lived in my neighbourhood during my childhood. I was also witness to physical abuse of my 2 brothers by my father in my childhood; and I have also been witness to verbal abuse of my eldest brother and my mother by my father for more than 22 years.
In the past 10 years, I suffered narcissistic abuse at the hands of my narcissist father and his narcissistic business partners, which retraumatized me and has destroyed me completely. I started getting hypervigilant, confused, short-term memory loss, and pain in different parts of the body. I have also been suffering sleeplessness mostly at night since around 2013, and have been suffering from dry-cough and frequent urination since at least 2007.
I started journalling from March 2020 which has helped me a lot, but there is one thing that keeps bothering me. Every time I do something or visualize doing something, I imagine someone criticising me; which wasn't the case until 2018. I started noticing this more in the past few months.
I hope to find some answers and improve my condition, and also to share my own experiences from journaling and other methods that I have benefitted from.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome to the forum. I know journaling here helps to keep me sane and a safe place to share when I'm not sane.

I hope you have a therapist to help you with this journey. This is not an easy trip to take, this healing journey. The more help and support we have the more likely we are to succeed at our own pace.

Hope you find the support and understanding you deserve here.
 

RussellSue

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome!

This is a good place to be.

I also struggle with thoughts of criticism when I do things - new, brave things, especially.

Do you know what the frequent urination is about? I went to a physical therapist last year who specializes in pelvic health and she explained that my frequent urination was probably caused by my extremely tense pelvic muscles. That came as no surprise, really. Most of my muscles are tense - why not those?

Anyway, I hope you are able to find help and support here.
 

AngelkeeperJ

Sponsor
Welcome to the Forum! I’m sorry you have the need for such a place but glad you found us.

Healing is a long process but it’s worth the work! You deserved SO much better than you received and you deserve to heal. As long as you choose to fight and not give up, you will win the battle for your life. You can do it!

I have also found help in writing a journal for about two years now. My diary here is not where I do my daily writing. I use a spiral notebook and colored ink gel pens that I also use to make it fun. I have daily affirmations that I repeat every day.

Blessings of peace, light, and healing to you!
 

FreeSoul

New Here
Welcome to the forum. I know journaling here helps to keep me sane and a safe place to share when I'm not sane.

I hope you have a therapist to help you with this journey. This is not an easy trip to take, this healing journey. The more help and support we have the more likely we are to succeed at our own pace.

Hope you find the support and understanding you deserve here.
Thanks for the encouraging words.
I had been working with a counselor, whom I found to be more damaging than benefiting. I recently found from Pete Walker's book Complex PTSD how and what to look for in a therapist. I hope to find a good therapist to benefit from.
 

FreeSoul

New Here
Welcome to the Forum! I’m sorry you have the need for such a place but glad you found us.

Healing is a long process but it’s worth the work! You deserved SO much better than you received and you deserve to heal. As long as you choose to fight and not give up, you will win the battle for your life. You can do it!

I have also found help in writing a journal for about two years now. My diary here is not where I do my daily writing. I use a spiral notebook and colored ink gel pens that I also use to make it fun. I have daily affirmations that I repeat every day.

Blessings of peace, light, and healing to you!
Thanks for the encouraging words.
Yes, healing is indeed a long process. I had been struggling with the healing process for more than a decade, and finally figured out about 2 months back the causes of my sufferings were mostly due to emotional neglect and emotional abuse. All these years, I often told myself that if God created a problem, then He must have also created a solution for it. This kept me hopeful, and I finally see some signs of improvement.
I'm glad you also found journalling helpful.
I wish you success in your journey to heal and be the healthy being we all can be.
 

FreeSoul

New Here
Welcome!

This is a good place to be.

I also struggle with thoughts of criticism when I do things - new, brave things, especially.

Do you know what the frequent urination is about? I went to a physical therapist last year who specializes in pelvic health and she explained that my frequent urination was probably caused by my extremely tense pelvic muscles. That came as no surprise, really. Most of my muscles are tense - why not those?

Anyway, I hope you are able to find help and support here
Hey!

I just did some research about tight pelvic muscles. I do have other symptoms too besides frequent urination, and also have the causes.
Thanks for sharing the info. You just saved me few hundred Euros which I would have to spend in public toilets. 😉
 
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