i never really talked much about this because i used to consider it normal, but now i just don't know. i can't help fantasizing about bad things happening to me. being beaten. being forced to have sex, and tortured. being cut up. it's only natural for me to end any line of thought in one of this images. it's like... i walk past a shop window and i see a table i like and picture it in my living room and instantly i can see myself unconcious and tied up, bleeding next to it. everything ends like this. silence, and me broken. i wish i didn't have to say this, as it embarrasses me very much, but i find it somehow relaxing. sometimes when i'm too stressed out the only way in which i can calm down is picturing myself dead, hanging from a tree by the heels, my hands almost scratching the dirt, deep clean cuts along the back of my legs and the inside of my arms. it's the only way my head can be silent again. so i was wondering... is it trauma related? does it happen to any of you too? could any of you find a way to stop it? if so... please tell. hugs, v.