Corkmonster
New Here
I am 67 years old. I've been in different therapies for more than 40 years. Most of that time, I have been a (barely) walking mass of symptoms. I have carried many diagnoses. I knew I had had trauma, but didn't know what.
Earlier this year, a physical therapist was doing a medical treatment on me, which triggered memories of CSA. I was abused by my grandmother and my brother, starting at age four. My brother raped me throughout our childhood and teenage years. He also beat me often. The rapes and beatings only stopped when he committed suicide at age 18. I never forgot the beatings, but I must have locked the rapes away where I couldn't remember them.
I can't believe it ever happened. I can't disbelieve it, but I'm starting to think it must be true because I can't stop the flood of feelings. The memories are shadows and body feelings and Grief. It feels awful to not know for sure. I have a multitude of voices inside shouting that I'm a liar.
Earlier this year, a physical therapist was doing a medical treatment on me, which triggered memories of CSA. I was abused by my grandmother and my brother, starting at age four. My brother raped me throughout our childhood and teenage years. He also beat me often. The rapes and beatings only stopped when he committed suicide at age 18. I never forgot the beatings, but I must have locked the rapes away where I couldn't remember them.
I can't believe it ever happened. I can't disbelieve it, but I'm starting to think it must be true because I can't stop the flood of feelings. The memories are shadows and body feelings and Grief. It feels awful to not know for sure. I have a multitude of voices inside shouting that I'm a liar.