Rose White
MyPTSD Pro
I know the cause. My abuser dad who I’ve been no contact with for four years was walking outside my house on Monday as I left for work. And it looked like he deliberately turned away from me in my car and walked the other way.
I mean, I’m glad he didn’t try to approach but I didn’t know he was doing stuff like that. I know he lives almost two city blocks away so that’s a significant walk in a specific direction. He was wearing exercise clothes and walking.
My body is not trembling but I can’t stop thinking about wanting to move and it’s very much a feeling of needing to run or flee. I couldn’t eat much yesterday and no time to connect with T then—now in the night my body is vomiting. No fever, no pain, no weakness, just constant waves of fear—prickles on the neck and tight stomach.
It’s so uncomfortable to be alone with this. I wish I had someone to co-regulate with me. I’m lucky that I can see the trigger and feel the feelings but it still bothers me a lot. I made chamomile tea. I can’t quite cry—too scared and tense—but maybe soon I could connect with T—maybe in a few hours. My cat is here. My eyes and head feel so heavy.
I am mostly looking for comfort right now.
I mean, I’m glad he didn’t try to approach but I didn’t know he was doing stuff like that. I know he lives almost two city blocks away so that’s a significant walk in a specific direction. He was wearing exercise clothes and walking.
My body is not trembling but I can’t stop thinking about wanting to move and it’s very much a feeling of needing to run or flee. I couldn’t eat much yesterday and no time to connect with T then—now in the night my body is vomiting. No fever, no pain, no weakness, just constant waves of fear—prickles on the neck and tight stomach.
It’s so uncomfortable to be alone with this. I wish I had someone to co-regulate with me. I’m lucky that I can see the trigger and feel the feelings but it still bothers me a lot. I made chamomile tea. I can’t quite cry—too scared and tense—but maybe soon I could connect with T—maybe in a few hours. My cat is here. My eyes and head feel so heavy.
I am mostly looking for comfort right now.