Vulnerability

grit

MyPTSD Pro
I wonder who do you share or show your vulnerability more: intimate partner or therapist?
Or maybe:
Who do you feel more safe or trust with: intimate partner or therapist?
I find it easier and more natural with my husband than with the therapist. I am wondering why? I thought this would be more common for those inflicted with trauma...but it seems the other way around?
What is your experience?
Thank you
 

Friday

Moderator
I wonder who do you share or show your vulnerability more: intimate partner or therapist?

Neither. I don’t do vulnerable by choice, much less aspire to it. I think it’s victim-culture nonsense.


Who do you feel more safe or trust with: intimate partner or therapist?
Intimate partner, hands down. Or that’s the end of our relationship; if I don’t trust my partner as much as I hire someone to help me with a single aspect of my life, a few hours a month? f*ck that noise. If someone is my partner I had better trust them one whole helluva lot more, than anyone I’m hiring to do anything. That doesn’t mean my partner is better at fixing cars than my mechanic, cutting hair than my stylist, performing surgery than my doctor, working with complex trauma than my therapist, etc. Talents vary. I see my therapist -and other professionals- for their expertise in a single area. I’m with my partner for far more than just their skill set. Much less their command of a single area... even if I’m enamoured of their prowess in certain skills. 😉 That’s not the only reason I’m with an intimate partner. Single area expertise is why I hire someone, not why I date someone.
 
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grit

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you.
I feel similar to @Friday in the sense... Who would I feel making life and death decision for me.
And yes @grief i melt down both like crying and shit. ... Different reasons.
I had this thought because when I am really upset, I can still talk to my husband but I need to cool it before I can extent empathy to my therapist. I do not do conflict resolution the same... If that makes sense.

I would never say to my therapist.. You really hurt my feelings.. I would say I am hurt by a b and c...

With my husband I feel more free to project unconcously but also to be reasonable when needed.

Just wondering.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Vulnerability??!!! 😲😲😲😲😲
Who you calling vulnerable?!
Jokes aside: that stuff is hard.

I think I show it in different ways to both.
I can't cry. Only just learnt how to do that really. I have cried Infront of my partner (full on sobbing) in the last year (been together 17 years). But I have to hide my face. I can't show my face. Can't even do full on sobbing with T, 18 months into therapy. Have on occasion had a few tears escape, and on one (or two?) occasions had a number of tears come out. But fought to get control again and did.
Crying is so hard. Why?

But also I can explore things with T, that make me feel exposed and vulnerable, that I feel unable to with my partner. And after I have explored them with T, I feel able to bring them to my partner.

So it's different?
I'm learning to show vulnerability with both in different ways.
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Actually, to neither of them. When it happens I tend to simply recede. It feels then more "inline" with the therapist cause I’m stuck in front of her but with my partners they’d just catch it’s "the mood" and let me sit on the sofa looking away.

I tend to desire intimacy with my partners. That mean they have to know. The whole story, not necessarily the details. And physical closeness too, reassurance. Sometimes I have meltdowns directed at them, but if I’m not in the verge of collapsing, I just sit in the dark furious and wait for it to pass, too, write all the shit I think I should say, and wait for the next morning if it still makes sense.

But I don’t really get the idea of "safety" around things. Some people are safe but without any interest. I’m still in that idea that actually nothing can hurt. I know it isn’t true. Generally I’d feel hurt with a small triggering thing, or self-induced.

So yeah I’m struggling with the idea of being "vulnerable". I’m just honest about myself. It hasn’t always been the case and that made me much more reactive.
 

grief

Sponsor
With my husband I feel more free to project unconcously but also to be reasonable when needed.
this strikes me as something that may be a good thing. with my husband i do not tend to break down emotionally. in any significant way. in terms of being an individual that i trust-and who knows a lot about me that no one else does-it would be him before anyone else. when i have panic attacks some times i know the only thing that will calm me down is him. but i tend to resist reaching out unless it is emergent. dealing with that type of things is rough and i do not want him to burn out on me.
 

Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
Who do you feel more safe or trust with: intimate partner or therapist?

Having been serial monogamous (ie:divorces) I found more reliance or safety with therapist. Within partner relationships my vulnerabilities, ect were used against me in abusive formats or as a source of disqualification for my feelings or my opinions as I had PTSD.

As well one thing that I noticed as I moved through life changing therapist - their relationships with me ( were for the most part) focused on a healthy way to move forward. I did not feel gaslighted, betrayed, belittled, hurt in any means by sharing fully my weaknesses : safety and intimacy at it’s best.

But also I can explore things with T, that make me feel exposed and vulnerable, that I feel unable to with my partner. And after I have explored them with T, I feel able to bring them to my partner.

^When my relationship(s) were healthy, I do agree with Movingforward10 with this choice. I didn’t have to couch my emotions during exploration or feel guilty for dumping on a paid professional. I could utter broken thoughts, raw screams or primal noises, have breakdowns during intense recall and lessen the toxicity level into tangible verbiage. So even if down the road, it might have been used in an unkind manner by my partner, I held more self-respect in my initial style of origin communication with my partner after coming to grips with the incident in question With my therapist.

However, in all honesty … never did a therapist and I part using our sessions as weapons: which hurts me the most in fighting styles of selected non-professionals.

Nice thread for reflection. Thanks.
 
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