wanting/ not daring to ask my neighbor to be quiet at night


My neighbor plays video games late into the night. Like it is now almost midnight and he is still at it. I so want to go knock on his door and ask him to stop or at least turn it way down. I just can't do it though. I realized just now that this is avoidance, but that does not make it any easier to confront him. I don't know what to do.
Was just wondering if you could go see him & let him know that the gaming is disturbing your sleep & is it possible for him to try using some headphones? My children used them regardless of what time of the day or night it was.

I know it's difficult but he probably isn't aware that the sound is travelling. Please don't ask him to stop because that sounds judgmental.


Totally agree with @blackemerald1 that with a gamer, "Please stop gaming" would go down like a lead balloon.

To reframe that thought, it isn't the gaming that's the issue, it's the noise. Extensive or super passionate gamers? Can make excellent neighbours in many respects - eg. instead of inviting a tonne of friends over to party and get wasted every other night, they're busy on their computer.

So a friendly old "Hey, I've noticed your a gamer (potentially even ask what game, since with gamers, it's often a pretty massive part of their lifestyle, and being human, may really appreciate someone showing an interest in something they're passionate about, you know?). Do you have a pair of headphones you could wear when it gets late?"


Or be excited / happy for and along him...

Hey, it's so great you find so much joy in gaming, and your game sounds super interesting, but at nights people can get bit annoyed, do you think you could wear headphones? It must be awesome game for you to be sooo into it man, it would be a shame for others dislike it just cause it's loud and time to sleep ;)

Things like that. Annoyances can be reframed to compliments, and feel good phrasing gets better on board.


It doesn't sound like you would have messed up. Are you being too hard on yourself? I think it is really challenging working out how to say something to someone to make them stop doing something. There are so many ways to do it, and we have to second guess how best to make that person respond in the way we want them too. That is a lot of thought processing to go through!

I have faith that you can do it and wouldn't mess up!


Ok, here's what I wrote:
Hello ...,
I noticed that you enjoy playing video games. My nephew does so too, so I know how important these games are to gamers. I am wondering if you have any headphones so that you could be quieter when I go to sleep? I usually sleep from about 8pm to 7am. I know 8pm seems early, but I need a lot of sleep due to having chronic Lyme Disease.
Thanks for whatever you can do.

P.S. I put it on his door.